"Are you now or have you ever been involved in douchebaggery? Remember, sir, that you are under oath."

Recently, I was notified that I've been selected for jury duty and I'm less than thrilled about it*. But if I must do my civic duty, I hope it ends up being for a case like this:

In Libel Suit Against Simon & Schuster, Man Insists He Is Not A Douchebag
By NICK DIVITO

LAS VEGAS (CN) - A man claims Simon & Schuster defamed him in the book "Hot Chicks with Douchebags." Michael Minelli says two pages of the book are dedicated to him illustrated with a photo, but the douchebag label is "false as it pertains to plaintiff."

The author Jay Louis took the photo without his knowledge or consent, says the complaint. "The publication refers to (Minelli) as a douchebag," Minelli claims. "The publication is false as it pertains to the plaintiff."

The book, which started out as the Web site hotchickswithdouchebags.com, hit stores in August.

Minelli says he "has been, is now and continues to be called a douchebag by friends, acquaintances, coworkers, employers and strangers alike."

Minelli seeks damages and attorney's fees.

Yeah, it may be the book's fault. Or it could be your popped collar, hair gel, orange tan-in-a-can, club clothes, and overall demeanor. Douchebag is as douchebag does, bro.

*I'm going to try a double-pronged "Simpsons"/"30 Rock" approach to getting out of it: during voir dire I plan on proclaiming that I'm prejudiced against all races, while wearing a Princess Leia outfit.