Though I'll no doubt be thinking to myself mid-ceremony "I delayed watching The Walking Dead for *this*?" I look forward all year to tonight. It's weird because I couldn't give a flying fig for any other awards show and going in I usually on have seen a paltry number of the nominees. (Well, I do see the films in the technical categories, since those are typically big, dumb, and loud.) This year is no exception. So who will take home the statue? The true-ish story of the military's most deadly gunman (Boyhood), the tale of a tough but inspiring drumming instructor (Birdman: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire), a brutal examination of America's racist past (The Theory of Everything)? The one about the guy in a wheelchair (Selma)? A write-in for the criminally overlooked LEGO Movie?
The only Best Picture nominee that I've seen is The Grand Budapest Hotel, which I greatly enjoyed. Wes Anderson is back, baby! (I was lukewarm on Moonrise Kingdom.) What other movies did I see and love this year? I'm glad you asked. Get thee to a Redbox and snag They Came Together, Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America: The Winter Solder, The LEGO Movie. X-Men: Days of Future Past.
Back to Oscar night... oh, the fashion! I don't care! But I know that the press needs to churn out content and the public craves something to lap up, so I'll clue you into who I'm wearing tonight: shorts by House of Adidas, t-shirt by Georgio de la Sports Backers, hoodie by United Colors of Fruit of the Loom, and socks by Pierre Starter. Swanky!
Per usual, I'll be live blogging the ceremony here in the comments section. I invite you to join in the snarkfest and comment along. Feel free to talk smack about what films and actors you hate, who you love, what a disaster the telecast is, who you are wearing, your prognostications, the most glaring snubs, etc. If I come across an exceptionally funny tweet I'll post it.
Give us a night to remember, phoney Hollywood One Percenters! Make it well worth me putting my binge watching of Bosch on hold. (That show is my current jam, BTW.)
UPDATE (03.02.15): A hearty congratulations goes out to KPMD for winning this year's Oscar pool. Her impressive run - including starting out with an 11-0 streak - put us all to shame.
Let's get this on! I have seen virtually none of these movies but feel great about my chances. This episode of Its Always Sunny should take me right up to kick off time.
ReplyDeleteBooooooooring.
ReplyDeleteNoah, who are you wearing?
This guy ain't no Billy Crystal.
ReplyDeleteCleveland Browns t-shirt and jammy pants.
ReplyDeleteI am fighting the urge to change the channel...
ReplyDeleteI wish Anna Kendrick would host. *drool* Or Jack Black.
ReplyDeletealright, bedtime for cw. enjoy doogie.
ReplyDeleteNorm MacDonald on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"I like when they sing songs that rhyme. It makes me clap."
That's the OSCAR WINNING J. Jonah Jameson to you, kid.
ReplyDeleteI think they need to do a Walking Dead/Academy Awards bleed-over red carpet episode.
ReplyDeleteWohoo! I picked a winner- most likely the only one I'll get right. :)
ReplyDeleteDonna - It's killing me that I have to miss it, but it's only one night a year.
ReplyDeleteSuzann - Yay! Keep reaching for that statue!
Who are y'all wearing?
How did 11 of 16 people pick JK Simmons correctly?
ReplyDeleteChelsea Peretti on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"love u mom ru on twitter?"
Noah - Simmons was one of the surest bets this season. So is Juilanne Moore. Research, buddy. RESEARCH!
ReplyDeleteWoohoo! I picked a winner too, but hope to get at least one more right. :)
ReplyDeleteMicah, I am wearing separates by Mossimo and the timeless L.L. Bean.
Classic, Angie.
ReplyDeleteBest Song performance* = bathroom break
*except if the South Park guys are involved.
I am wearing sustainable clothing from the National Championship Team, THE Ohio State University.
ReplyDeleteAunt Donna FTW!
ReplyDeleteTwo for two! 54 40 or fight!
ReplyDeleteMicah, help me out. I know wtf, but not ftw. Or are you dyslexic?
ReplyDeleteLole dress, Smartwool tights. As seen on me yesterday.
ReplyDeleteDonna - For the Win. That means you're awesome.
ReplyDeleteSuzanne - Yay! Stunning, no doubt. Glad you joined us.
Shucks.....
ReplyDeleteI wonder what's going on in The Walking Dead.
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure killing - or at least some zombies eating (or trying to eat) people :) thank god for on demand
ReplyDeleteNo doubt. I know I'm going to want to watch it right after the ceremony, but damn it's gonna be a long night.
ReplyDeleteDo you know if they'll be doing the Talking Oscars wrap up show?
He's not a Hollywood celebrity. PLAY HIM OFF!
ReplyDeleteHe can't take a hint.
ReplyDeleteDoug Benson on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"Does Michael Keaton ever not have gum in his mouth?"
Oh, man. And there's high point of the ceremony, ladies and gentlemen. It's all downhill from here.
ReplyDeleteWHY WASN'T THE LEGO MOVIE NOMINATED?!
I want that Will Arnett LEGO Batman movie RIGHT NOW.
Is everything awesome? :)
ReplyDeleteBoom! I'm rockin' this be-otch. Also, I'm going transcontinental with my look tonight. PJ pants from Old Navy and top from Target, the french clothier. Everything is Awesome, BTW.
ReplyDeleteYou need one of those Lego Oscars, Micah.
ReplyDeleteHoly crap, this is the best part of the show so far.
ReplyDeleteKPMD - Yay! Your outfit is awesome!
ReplyDeleteDonna - I need *Oprah's* LEGO Oscar.
Suzann - Yes.
Jonah Goldberg on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"I would watch the Everything is Awesome number 30 times for every 1 time Maroon Five did anything."
Is there a way to refresh this without having to prove I'm not a robot every time?
ReplyDeleteI *heart* Jason Bateman.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's annoying. I'll go into the settings and disable them for tonight. Although it was fun picking out pictures of pasta and coffee.
ReplyDeleteI changed the settings to turn off word verification. Hopefully it won't take long for it to kick in.
ReplyDeleteI failed the pasta test. You'd think I could recognize it by now.
ReplyDeleteThanks I had to identify soup just now. Successfully this time, I might add.
ReplyDeleteYay, Donna! I hope they do ice cream next.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if they'll do ice cream next, but I think I'll go out and try to identify some in my freezer next commercial.
ReplyDeleteIt's not quite sleepy time down south, but it is almost ice cream o'clock.
ReplyDeleteJared Leto's been filming a Jesus movie for the last couple of years, right?
ReplyDeleteWho is this KPMD and what kind of voodoo has been conjured here?
ReplyDeletedear god... who isn't she going to thank or mention?
ReplyDelete"We need income equality" said the movie star.
ReplyDeleteSuzann - A friend dating back to college. I think she must know somebody. A Stonecutter or something.
Terry Ann on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"Can I have Patricia arquette's wage? #Wageequality"
I'd be ok if a Suzanne won, even if the e is silent.
ReplyDeleteYou guys are really watching this? Strange.
ReplyDeleteI'm kinda rooting for a KPMD sweep now.
ReplyDeleteI think I just got another right! wohoo! almost on a roll!
ReplyDeleteSuzanne - Ice cream dulls the pain.
ReplyDeleteThe Queen is dead. Well, not really. She's tied for first. But she's not getting the sweep. :(
ReplyDeleteMaaaaan!!! I almost picked Big Hero 6. I loved that movie, but my 'source' said How to Train your Dragon. Shoulda gone with my heart.
ReplyDeleteRemember that Seinfeld episode where Kramer and the salesman took the car out on a test drive and kept pushing it and pushing it and pushing it just to see how far they could go on a single tank of gas. And then it all came to sputtering halt.
ReplyDeleteThat's how I feel right now witnessing your loss, KPMD.
That's kind of how I feel. But it was a great ride.
ReplyDeleteI really wanted to pick Grand Budapest for lots of awards. Not because I saw it, but because I generally am a fan of Wes Anderson films. But, I didn't pick it, because I thought the Academy doesn't really appreciate him, like us real people do.
ReplyDeleteDeMers! Who are you wearing? And this is Wes Anderson's year. Just not for the big categories.
ReplyDeleteI'm wearing a French designer, Adidas, mesh shorts and a hoodie by Insert Your Company's Name Here. Wait, what?
ReplyDeleteAw man. I put kids to bed, clean the kitchen, and finally sit down to watch and participate, and I get here right during the In Memoriam?
ReplyDeleteHow do we know who which people were better and will be missed more if they mute the applause?
ReplyDeleteMickey Rooney, Philip Seymour-Hoffman, James Garner, Robin Williams, James Rebhorn, Lauren Bacall. It was quite a year. Why did they leave off Jon Lovitz?
ReplyDeleteAnd Gabriel Garcia Marquez was still alive?
Is it really necessary to have someone sing after the In Memoriam? I submit that it is not.
ReplyDeleteI'm super depressed now. Need wine...oh yeah, I was already drinking wine. Maybe I need bourbon.
ReplyDeleteMaybe next year, the tie breaker should be, "Which dead person gets the most applause during the In Memoriam section?"
ReplyDeleteHow the hell does the film editing award NOT go to a movie that pieced together a kid's life over 13 years?!? What evs, this thing is rigged.
ReplyDeleteI wish there was a "Like" function on here so I could give Micah a thumbs-up for his earlier comment about Jared Leto's fictional Jesus movie. He should totally do that.
ReplyDeleteFor best Overacting When Presenting Best Picture Nominees, the Oscar goes to .... Terrence Howard.
ReplyDeleteFor best Overacting When Presenting Best Picture Nominees, the Oscar goes to .... Terrence Howard.
ReplyDeleteOops.
ReplyDeleteNothing against Doogie, but we really need Tina Fey and Amy Poehler up in this piece.
ReplyDeleteHow late are these things going to go? It's got to be 11:15 EST.
ReplyDeleteI second that micah
ReplyDeleteMore singing? I thought the Grammys were two weeks ago? They don't have acting segments on the Grammys.
ReplyDeleteYou're thinking of the Tonys. They do that on the Tonys, right? I don't think I've ever sat through a full broadcast of that.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah. Too much music.
Still, the singers are singing better than the actors are reading cue cards and trying to be funny. Just sayin'
ReplyDeleteBilly Eichner on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"They should come out again right now and sing EVERYTHING IS AWESOME"
Crossing fingers for "Everything is Awesome"......dang.
ReplyDeleteTravolta's hair is awfully black.
ReplyDelete"Nutmeg" is my favorite John Legend song.
ReplyDeleteYou ever get the cynical idea that a significant chunk of them are faking the tears? I mean, it's a room full of cameras and they are actors.
ReplyDeleteScarJo.....see you later, Micah.
ReplyDeleteFeeling sleepy. May not make it much longer. If I am to pull this one out, my acceptance speech shall be, "I thank Micah for allowing me to continue my reign as the queen of the Oscars. Even if NPH is the queen of the Oscars this year. I also thank the kid from Harvard who crunched the stats and helped me with my pics. I do not thank my husband or my son, because they are the reason I haven't actually seen any of these movies. To all of you I say...suck it" Then I would drop the microphone and walk off. If I don't win, then Phil made me write that whole thing.
ReplyDeleteScarlett Johansson is an attractive person.
ReplyDeleteRemember when they gave out awards at this awards show?
Scarlett Johansson is an attractive person.
ReplyDeleteRemember when they gave out awards at this awards show?
It's interesting to me that Gaga is doing this, like, really lady-like phase right now. First the duet with Tony Bennett, now singing Julie Andrews at the Oscars.
ReplyDeleteLady Gaga's on. So now's the perfect time to go and relive Letterman's "Uma...Oprah" bit from a couple of decades ago: http://youtu.be/J-BJTE56I14
ReplyDeleteBilly Eichner on Twitter:
ReplyDelete""UM EXCUSE ME" - Carrie Underwood"
I am a show tunes kind of girl, but I could do without this.
ReplyDeleteLove Julie Andrews, though.
ReplyDeleteWe all could. We're only at original score?! Sheesh. This show is going to last forever.
ReplyDeleteMike Nelson on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"Julie Andrews mentioned the music of Breakfast at Tiffany's without mentioning Deep Blue Something. She's dead to me."
First SNL 40 and now this. Funny Eddie Murphy is BACK!
ReplyDeleteAwww yeah....Birdman for Best Original Screenplay. My comeback begins.
ReplyDeleteI still can't believe Michael Keaton hasn't won an Oscar. Not even for "The Other Guys".
ReplyDelete....annnnnd my comeback is over.
ReplyDeleteMichael Keaton deserved an Oscar for Batman.
ReplyDeleteTied for first! And of course, that's it for me. I AGONIZED over Director and Picture, going for a Boyhood/Birdman split. Got Director right, but now I'm feeling Birdman will get Picture. I peaked.
That's a surprise.
ReplyDeleteMo Rocca on Twitter:
ReplyDelete"And cue the ice bucket!"
The comeback is back on!
ReplyDeleteSean Penn is as funny as Eddie Murphy.
ReplyDeleteSean Penn to give the last award? What, was Alec Baldwin not available?
ReplyDeleteToo bad we didn't need a tie breaker, 'cause I'm all over that one!
ReplyDeleteThanks for hosting, Micah. I'm off to watch the Walking Dead so I can be Walking Dead in the Morning.
ReplyDeleteGoodnight everybody! I have *got* to go see some of these movies!
ReplyDeleteThanks for playing, everyone. You guys are what makes it fun. Otherwise it's just me yelling into a void and picking winners for no reason.
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations past, present, and likely future winner, KPMD.
Get some sleep!