Friday, June 11, 2010

Micah World Kinda Sorta Not Really Summer Movie Preview

Ah, summer, how much I loathe thee. As someone who seemingly only has sweat glands on his back, I frequently retreat to the comfort of central air lest I commit a social faux pas with another soaked shirt. Luckily, the movie house is all to eager to embrace me within its temperature controlled bosom and provide a respite from the outside's unbearable heat and humidity. Yes, one of the few things I actually enjoy about this season is the parade of Big Dumb Movies at the local cineplex.

Procrastination is a bitch and I'm just now getting to this "preview". Oh, well. I've already seen one of the huge releases (Iron Man). Some of the relatively big (Get Him to the Greek) and small (Survival of the Dead) films I want to check out have already been released. But there's plenty more to come. The following are the films yet to come out that have piqued my interest the most:

The A-Team (6/11): Though I still think this is a creatively bankrupt idea, the trailer did win me over. Damn you, Bradley Cooper.

Jonah Hex (6/18): At first this Western comic book flick (starring Josh Brolin and Lady Toe Thumbs) seemed somewhat interesting. Then the barrage of TV spots hit and now I think I'm going to hold of until it hits video.

Toy Story 3 (6/18): Pixar. 'Nuff said.

Grown Ups (6/25): Granted, the trailer makes it look pretty ho-hum (Fatty falls down!), I'm hoping these "SNL" vets (from when it was a comedy program) can still bring the funny. Plus, it's got Norm Freakin' McDonald in it.

Cyrus (7/9): Just the thought of John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill butting heads makes me grin. This one's been getting good buzz.

Despicable Me (7/9): Now, I usually only make it out to one animated feature per year (whatever Pixar offers), but this one looks like it could be good. Who wouldn't want to watch a movie about an evil genius voiced by Steve Carell?

Inception (7/16): I have no idea what this Christopher Nolan movie is about and I'm cool with that.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice (7/16): Hey, Nic Cage has been on somewhat of a career rebound, so his wizard movie could be halfway decent. But then again...

Dinner for Schmucks (7/23): Comedic heavyweight Steve Carell and my current mancrush Paul Rudd team up again? What's that? Zach Galifianakis and Jemaine Clement are also in it? How could I not see this?

Salt (7/23): Angelina Jolie kicks butt on the run as a Russian spy. Or is she? Man, I miss Cold War thrillers.

Get Low (7/30): Robert Duvall stars as an old curmudgeon (is there such a thing as a young curmudgeon?) who holds his own funeral while he's still alive. Bill Murray also stars, so it's got that going for it, which is nice.

The Other Guys (8/6): It wouldn't be summer without a Will Ferrell flick. But will it be Step Brothers funny or Land of the Lost bad? Considering it's directed by the former's Adam McKay, odds are this will bring the goods.

Middle Men (8/6): It's about time the online porn industry got its own Luke Wilson-starring movie about its early years.

The Expendables (8/13): Stallone. Statham. Li. Lundgren. Rourke. Austin. Crews. Willis. Schwarzenegger. This is easily my most anticipated summer movie not titled Iron Man 2. There's going to be so much testosterone onscreen that I'm afraid that somehow the movie's going to make me pregnant. There is no way that this action flick won't be epic.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (8/13): On one hand, I'm getting tired of Michael Cera's awkward hipster schtick. On the other, this is directed by Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz's Edgar Wright. The tie breaker: the main love interest is played by the droolicious Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I'll see it!

And please, do brush up on your movie theater etiquette if you or your friends and/or loved ones need it. If I see any of you gabbing away or texting during a film this summer, it's clobberin' time.


jasdye said...

the current crop looks really, really bad. but Plan 9/interesting bad. not GI Joe/brain-dull bad. i want to matinee this summer...

Micah said...

This summer is pretty lackluster. And, like with all of these types of lists I've made over the years, I'll only actually see a handful of the films in the theater. From the flicks above, I'd say there's a good chance I'll see 5 of them right away. And all matinees, most likely.