Monday, September 13, 2010

Yes, Mr. Williams, I *am* ready for some football. Thank you for asking.

I am a college football fan. My veins bleed Buckeye scarlet and Spider blue. If either are playing, I'm watching. But I don't really follow the NFL. And by "don't really", I mean not at all. Sure, I'll watch a few regular season games (parts of them, at least) and, of course, the Super Bowl commercials, but I don't care about team rankings and whatnot. I find the NFL's biggest appeal is as background noise to my autumn Sunday afternoon naps.

For a time back in college I rooted for the Jets. But my short-lived fandom was born out of a funny series of Nike commercials where Joe Namath attempted a comeback ("We beat the Colts!") and the sad fact that the 1996 Jets went 1 for 15 and I figured that somebody had to support them. Plus, Kevin Arnold was a fan. So I did what I could. I even bought a hat and a sweatshirt. The next season they had a respectable 9-7 record. My work was done.

So this season I thought it'd be fun to pick one team again and follow them throughout the next 17 weeks. But the question begs, which one?

Though they are the local favorites, the Redskins are out. I got really sick of yellow and red when I was growing up. The Cowboys are "America's Team" and a favorite of my dad's, but I want to be my own man (though Hank Hill's love of them is a strong argument in their favor*). The Packers are appealing, have a storied history, and play in a colder climate - plus, I really, really like cheese - but I think they're a bit too good for me to root for. I could kick it old school and be a Jets booster again, but I want something new. The Patriots? Please. My Ohio ties compel me to choose the Browns or the Bengals, but I want to look beyond the Buckeye state. I don't have a big enough stockpile of throwin' batteries to be an Eagles fan. The Bears (and the Saints) have the Ditka legend. And the Steelers are agreeable. But none of these franchises feel like a good fit.

No, none of those teams need me. There is only one team that is comprised of the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked. Only one team calls America's burned out urban cesspool home. Yes, for 2010 I will become...a Detroit Lions fan. They were freakin' WINLESS last season. How could I not root for them? Now, given their distance from me and the fact that they blow, I'm not sure how many games will be broadcast around these parts. I'll at least watch the Thanksgiving game. But I'm sure I'll have to primarily follow them through web sites and Sports Center clips.

So, how'd by my boys do yesterday? They lost to Chicago. Seems like old times.

*And an excuse for me to post this chestnut: "Dallas? I don't want you goin' to Dallas at all. That place is crawlin' with crack-heads and debutantes, and half of 'em play for the Cowboys."

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