Sunday, March 02, 2014

"And the Oscar goes to... Grown Ups 2!"


It's time once again for that glitzy Hollywood circle jerk commonly called the Oscars. As I have no DVR, I have a painful conflict: this airs at the same time as The Walking Dead. Do I watch a horrifying portrait of an eroding society controlled by a mass of decaying ghouls? Or do I watch my zombie stories? I guess I'll tune in to the silly awards show. Who will take home the top prize? A tragic tale of being lost in space ("12 Years a Slave"), the story of a lonely man falling in love with his phone ("Captain Phillips"), a brutal examination of America's racist past ("Philomena")? Maybe one of the other nominated films that'll show up on Netflix in six or seven years?

I haven't seen any of the films nominated in the big categories. I know, I know. I'm really behind. So having no knowledge on the merits of the honored movies, it's all speculation on my part. I'm going to say that, oh I don't know, that latest Thor flick sweeps the night.

And then there's the fashion! I have no interest in any of that hoo-ha! For those that do, though, I'll say that tonight I'm wearing a shirt by Pierre Marvel, pants by Anton de la Nautica, and slippers by Kohl's Store Brand.

As I do every year, I'll be live blogging in the comments section of this post. Why don't you come on in and join me? The snark is strong in you. I can feel it.

48 comments:

Micah said...

I wish the Golden Globes and the Oscars switched hosts, considering I only watch the latter. But at least Ellen looks like Sparkly Prince.

Micah said...

I flip flop about whether or not I hate Anne Hathaway. Tonight feels like a hatin' night.

Micah said...

30 Seconds to Mars is only three awards away from getting an EGOT!

Unknown said...

I'm trying my best to watch this but I ... just ... can't do it. Anchorman is on!

Micah said...

Technology!

Micah said...

Yes, Unknown, it is rough sailing.

wh1skeylover said...

I participated in the oscar pool, but you can't actually make me watch them!

Micah said...

I don't blame you Coleman. So much Hollywood jizz has been spilled and it hasn't even been half an hour yet.

Noah said...

Ricky Bobby is on too. Can anyone find Step Brothers for the trifecta?

Micah said...

I could program my own marathon. #dvdowner

Micah said...

You know it's bad when you wish your laundry was done so you could be folding it. That's the boat I'm in right now.

Micah said...

Live tweets I've been following: @Rifftrax and @Esquiremag (Paul F. Tompkins is doing it on the latter). The experts do this much better than me.

Micah said...

So wish I could hear the phrase "Oscar winner Jackass."

Micah said...

My laundry's done! I get to fold laundry!

Micah said...

PUMA LADY! MY EYES!

Micah said...

No thank you for us for saving their butts in Dubya Dubya Two? Pffft.

Micah said...

I wish I had more laundry to do. :(

Micah said...

Why am I not switching over to The Walking Dead right now?

Micah said...

I'd like to be snarky, but I'm really digging this song.

Micah said...

All night on Twitter Paul F. Tompkins has been calling out the "bowtie cowards" who have appeared on stage. I fully support him in his witch hunt. It ain't that hard to tie, fellas.

Micah said...

Enough with the obscure indie rock!

Micah said...

I miss Seth McFarlane. :(

Micah said...

Woo hoo! Hollywood isn't racist!

SG DeMers said...

We just started watching, so I'm like two hours behind everybody. This should be fun! We just saw Jared Leto win, and I called it right before he got the award. I told my wife "people who cross-dress always win."

Micah said...

Tell that to the Wayans brothers. White Chicks was robbed!

Micah said...

Thank you, Bill Murray. You are awesome and so was Harold Ramis.

Micah said...

I was told I'd never have to hear "The Wind Beneath My Wings" ever again. LIARS.

SG DeMers said...

Wife: "Pink's got an amazing voice.....but, I'm tired of hearing it." Fast-forwards on the DVR.

Micah said...

I wish I had a DVR. :(

SG DeMers said...

I have to say, they mixed in some very questionable "heroes" in that action-flick montage. And by questionable heroes, I mean crappy movies. Wild Wild West?

Micah said...

That's just to draw the younger demographic to the broadcast. Kids love Kevin Kline.

SG DeMers said...

"What color is John Travolta's hair? It looks purple." -wife

SG DeMers said...

I'm almost caught up to real time!

SG DeMers said...

We have a real-life EGOT winner!

Micah said...

Tracy Jordan set the standard for all EGOT winners to follow.

SG DeMers said...

Hey, the guy who directed all the Weezer videos just won an Oscar!

SG DeMers said...

Hey, the guy from "Three Kings" just won an Oscar!

SG DeMers said...

I thought Nelson Mandela died last year?

Micah said...

Zing! x3

SG DeMers said...

10 people guessed Cate Blanchett in the pool. I call shenanigans.

SG DeMers said...

Does anybody know why Daniel Day-Lewis hyphenates his last name? It sounded so weird when Cate Blanchett said "Thank you Mr. Day-Lewis."

Micah said...

Because he can. He's DD freakin' L.

I love J-Law with all of my heart, but she needs to grow her hair back out.

Micah said...

Alright, alright, alright. Amazing career turn around.

SG DeMers said...

So, do people basically just pick all the Golden Globe winners in the pool? Why didn't somebody tell me this when I was making my picks this afternoon?

Micah said...

I monitor the buzz and consult other sources like Entertainment Weekly and the AV Club for the lesser categories. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don't.

SG DeMers said...

Steve McQueen looks a lot blacker than last time I saw him.

Micah said...

I CAN FINALLY GO TO BED!

Thanks for hanging out, DeMers. Did you drop these?

SG DeMers said...

Right as my laptop battery is dying. G'night everyone!