Sunday, March 02, 2014
"And the Oscar goes to... Grown Ups 2!"
It's time once again for that glitzy Hollywood circle jerk commonly called the Oscars. As I have no DVR, I have a painful conflict: this airs at the same time as The Walking Dead. Do I watch a horrifying portrait of an eroding society controlled by a mass of decaying ghouls? Or do I watch my zombie stories? I guess I'll tune in to the silly awards show. Who will take home the top prize? A tragic tale of being lost in space ("12 Years a Slave"), the story of a lonely man falling in love with his phone ("Captain Phillips"), a brutal examination of America's racist past ("Philomena")? Maybe one of the other nominated films that'll show up on Netflix in six or seven years?
I haven't seen any of the films nominated in the big categories. I know, I know. I'm really behind. So having no knowledge on the merits of the honored movies, it's all speculation on my part. I'm going to say that, oh I don't know, that latest Thor flick sweeps the night.
And then there's the fashion! I have no interest in any of that hoo-ha! For those that do, though, I'll say that tonight I'm wearing a shirt by Pierre Marvel, pants by Anton de la Nautica, and slippers by Kohl's Store Brand.
As I do every year, I'll be live blogging in the comments section of this post. Why don't you come on in and join me? The snark is strong in you. I can feel it.
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I wish the Golden Globes and the Oscars switched hosts, considering I only watch the latter. But at least Ellen looks like Sparkly Prince.
I flip flop about whether or not I hate Anne Hathaway. Tonight feels like a hatin' night.
30 Seconds to Mars is only three awards away from getting an EGOT!
I'm trying my best to watch this but I ... just ... can't do it. Anchorman is on!
Yes, Unknown, it is rough sailing.
I participated in the oscar pool, but you can't actually make me watch them!
I don't blame you Coleman. So much Hollywood jizz has been spilled and it hasn't even been half an hour yet.
Ricky Bobby is on too. Can anyone find Step Brothers for the trifecta?
I could program my own marathon. #dvdowner
You know it's bad when you wish your laundry was done so you could be folding it. That's the boat I'm in right now.
Live tweets I've been following: @Rifftrax and @Esquiremag (Paul F. Tompkins is doing it on the latter). The experts do this much better than me.
So wish I could hear the phrase "Oscar winner Jackass."
My laundry's done! I get to fold laundry!
PUMA LADY! MY EYES!
No thank you for us for saving their butts in Dubya Dubya Two? Pffft.
I wish I had more laundry to do. :(
Why am I not switching over to The Walking Dead right now?
I'd like to be snarky, but I'm really digging this song.
All night on Twitter Paul F. Tompkins has been calling out the "bowtie cowards" who have appeared on stage. I fully support him in his witch hunt. It ain't that hard to tie, fellas.
Enough with the obscure indie rock!
I miss Seth McFarlane. :(
Woo hoo! Hollywood isn't racist!
We just started watching, so I'm like two hours behind everybody. This should be fun! We just saw Jared Leto win, and I called it right before he got the award. I told my wife "people who cross-dress always win."
Tell that to the Wayans brothers. White Chicks was robbed!
Thank you, Bill Murray. You are awesome and so was Harold Ramis.
I was told I'd never have to hear "The Wind Beneath My Wings" ever again. LIARS.
Wife: "Pink's got an amazing voice.....but, I'm tired of hearing it." Fast-forwards on the DVR.
I wish I had a DVR. :(
I have to say, they mixed in some very questionable "heroes" in that action-flick montage. And by questionable heroes, I mean crappy movies. Wild Wild West?
That's just to draw the younger demographic to the broadcast. Kids love Kevin Kline.
"What color is John Travolta's hair? It looks purple." -wife
I'm almost caught up to real time!
We have a real-life EGOT winner!
Tracy Jordan set the standard for all EGOT winners to follow.
Hey, the guy who directed all the Weezer videos just won an Oscar!
Hey, the guy from "Three Kings" just won an Oscar!
I thought Nelson Mandela died last year?
10 people guessed Cate Blanchett in the pool. I call shenanigans.
Does anybody know why Daniel Day-Lewis hyphenates his last name? It sounded so weird when Cate Blanchett said "Thank you Mr. Day-Lewis."
Because he can. He's DD freakin' L.
I love J-Law with all of my heart, but she needs to grow her hair back out.
Alright, alright, alright. Amazing career turn around.
So, do people basically just pick all the Golden Globe winners in the pool? Why didn't somebody tell me this when I was making my picks this afternoon?
I monitor the buzz and consult other sources like Entertainment Weekly and the AV Club for the lesser categories. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don't.
Steve McQueen looks a lot blacker than last time I saw him.
I CAN FINALLY GO TO BED!
Thanks for hanging out, DeMers. Did you drop these?
Right as my laptop battery is dying. G'night everyone!
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