"And the Oscar goes to... Nicolas Cage's hairpiece!"

Ah, Oscar night. The glitz! The glamour! The sitting around in elastic-waist pants and typing out snarky commentary in real time! Yes, this is our time to shine, ladies and germs.

Though I'll no doubt be thinking to myself mid-ceremony "I delayed watching The Walking Dead for *this*?" I look forward all year to tonight. It's weird because I couldn't give a flying fig for any other awards show and going in I usually on have seen a paltry number of the nominees. (Well, I do see the films in the technical categories, since those are typically big, dumb, and loud.) This year is no exception. So who will take home the statue? The true-ish story of the military's most deadly gunman (Boyhood), the tale of a tough but inspiring drumming instructor (Birdman: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire), a brutal examination of America's racist past (The Theory of Everything)? The one about the guy in a wheelchair (Selma)? A write-in for the criminally overlooked LEGO Movie?

The only Best Picture nominee that I've seen is The Grand Budapest Hotel, which I greatly enjoyed. Wes Anderson is back, baby! (I was lukewarm on Moonrise Kingdom.) What other movies did I see and love this year? I'm glad you asked. Get thee to a Redbox and snag They Came Together, Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain America: The Winter Solder, The LEGO Movie. X-Men: Days of Future Past.

Back to Oscar night... oh, the fashion! I don't care! But I know that the press needs to churn out content and the public craves something to lap up, so I'll clue you into who I'm wearing tonight: shorts by House of Adidas, t-shirt by Georgio de la Sports Backers, hoodie by United Colors of Fruit of the Loom, and socks by Pierre Starter. Swanky!

Per usual, I'll be live blogging the ceremony here in the comments section. I invite you to join in the snarkfest and comment along. Feel free to talk smack about what films and actors you hate, who you love, what a disaster the telecast is, who you are wearing, your prognostications, the most glaring snubs, etc. If I come across an exceptionally funny tweet I'll post it.

Give us a night to remember, phoney Hollywood One Percenters! Make it well worth me putting my binge watching of Bosch on hold. (That show is my current jam, BTW.)

UPDATE (03.02.15): A hearty congratulations goes out to KPMD for winning this year's Oscar pool. Her impressive run - including starting out with an 11-0 streak - put us all to shame.

The award ceremony was held while she was in town yesterday, at D-Hall. Because of her Guatemalan-ness - her natural heat - she won a copy of The Birdcage. Thanks to everyone who played and came here to lay down some snark. You guys make it fun.

"And the Oscar goes to... Grown Ups 2!"

It's time once again for that glitzy Hollywood circle jerk commonly called the Oscars. As I have no DVR, I have a painful conflict: this airs at the same time as The Walking Dead. Do I watch a horrifying portrait of an eroding society controlled by a mass of decaying ghouls? Or do I watch my zombie stories? I guess I'll tune in to the silly awards show. Who will take home the top prize? A tragic tale of being lost in space ("12 Years a Slave"), the story of a lonely man falling in love with his phone ("Captain Phillips"), a brutal examination of America's racist past ("Philomena")? Maybe one of the other nominated films that'll show up on Netflix in six or seven years?

I haven't seen any of the films nominated in the big categories. I know, I know. I'm really behind. So having no knowledge on the merits of the honored movies, it's all speculation on my part. I'm going to say that, oh I don't know, that latest Thor flick sweeps the night.

And then there's the fashion! I have no interest in any of that hoo-ha! For those that do, though, I'll say that tonight I'm wearing a shirt by Pierre Marvel, pants by Anton de la Nautica, and slippers by Kohl's Store Brand.

As I do every year, I'll be live blogging in the comments section of this post. Why don't you come on in and join me? The snark is strong in you. I can feel it.

"And the Oscar goes to...That's My Boy!"

Well, it's time once again for the prestigious annual Hollywood circle jerk that we call the Oscars. (A.K.A. the only thing that makes me put off viewing The Walking Dead.) Yes, the stars have come out to shine! And preen, mug, bloviate, etc. Just who will take home the big prize this year? The story about a President desperately trying to do the right thing and secure his legacy (Zero Dark Thirty), the exploits of a couple of mental patients training for a dance contest (Django Unchained), or the extreme close ups of singing people pretending to be French (Amour)? Or maybe one of the other nominated films?

I have seen very few of the nominated films this year, so I largely can't comment on the merits of them. But the fact that The Avengers only got one paltry nom in a technical category - and not nods all across the board - reinforces my view that the Oscars are a sham. In my heart the film has already won the Oscar for Best Picture Ever Made. (Apologies to Highlander.) Also completely overlooked: Bernie, The Cabin in the Woods, and Blue Like Jazz. COME ON!

It wouldn't be the Oscars without a lot of chatter about red carpet fashion! Yeah, well, unless someone is wearing something goofy like a swan dress, I don't really care about all that. But I will say that I'm currently wearing a shirt by Anton "Piggly" Wiggly, pants by House of Simpsons, and slippers by Louis Dockers.

Per usual, I'll be live blogging the ceremony here in the comments section. I invite you to join in the snark and comment along. Feel free to talk smack about what movies and actors you hate (true story: not everyone likes Anne Hathaway), who you love, what a mess the telecast is, who you are wearing, your predictions, the most glaring snubs, etc. (I'll also post some exceptionally funny tweets that I come across during the night; do the same, if you want. Twitter was made for events like this.)

Bring on the glitz, glamor, and phoniness!

"And the Oscar goes to...Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star!"

It's time once again for the glitzy annual Hollywood circle jerk that is the Oscars. Just who will reign supreme this year? The tale of a majestic animal in a time of battle (Hugo), the pretentious and meandering arthouse film (The Descendents), the cloying 9/11 drama (Moneyball), or one of the six other flicks?

Of the Best Picture nominees, I've only seen two and a half. I really enjoyed Moneyball. I was more lukewarm on Midnight in Paris since I'm no fan of Woody Allen or when actors stand in for him (sorry, Owen). This afternoon I gave that glorified screensaver The Tree of Life a chance, but shortly after the dinosaurs appeared I checked out. Maybe in my golden years when I'm all hopped up on medicinal marijuana, I'll give it another shot.

Two films from 2011 that I thought were great, but got absolutely no Oscar love are Win Win (in my heart, the National's "Think You Can Wait" won Best Song) and Submarine. Do check them out.

Some are ragging on the Academy for bringing Billy Crystal back to host, but can you really blame them after the disaster that was last year? There's a right way to hip things up and a wrong way. Let's just call this a rebuilding year.

Oscar talk just wouldn't be the same without a little fashion. I couldn't give a hoot about all that (right now I'm watching last night's "Portlandia"), but here's who I'm wearing tonight: shirt by Jean-Jacques Shirt del Woot, pants by Armand Champion, hoodie by House of Old Navy, and slippers by Georgio Dockers.

I'll be live blogging the awards in the comment section. Swing by and tell me who you're wearing, give me your thoughts on the nominated films and performances, take the celebrities down a peg, tear apart the ceremony, or just say hi.

"And the Oscar goes to 'Little Fockers'..."

Ah, Hollywood. My favorite hideous bitch goddess. There are few institutions I love and hate with equal fervor as do with the Dream Factory. And Oscar night let's both sides shine.

I can't really comment on what films are deserving of a nomination this year as I only saw a handful of '10 movies, with Toy Story 3 being the only Oscar contender among them. So I'll leave the speculating to the experts.

Last year's pairing of Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin as tandem hosts was great. Anne Hathaway and James Franco have some mighty big shoes to fill. But even if they aren't as funny, well, I can always gaze upon Hathaway's big, beautiful eyes. That's good enough for me.

So join me in the comments section here and we can rag on the self-important speeches, the back-patting, and the opulence. Share your thoughts on the big winners and even bigger losers. Revel in the nipple slips and the people being cut off by the band. In other words, let's knock them down a peg!

(I'm also going to be following along with Doug Benson's live tweeting and the goings-on at the A.V. Club.)

"And the Oscar goes to...'Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus'!"

It's Oscar time! I usually don't go for awards shows, but I always kinda dig the Annual Hollywood Circle Jerk. This year I'm expecting it to be more entertaining than usual since Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are co-hosting (and given material by some "30 Rock" writers). So why don't we have a good, old fashioned live blog/chat? Post your thoughts, feelings, and fears about the ceremony, winners, losers, and snubs in the comments section.

Now, as much as I dig the Big Show, I have zero interest in gowns, red carpets, and Ryan Seacrests. So in the meantime, I'm going to watch Dumb and Dumber on TBS, try my hand at some newly-downloaded Rock Band Network tracks (Flogging Molly! Stroke 9!), and consume a bacon-wrapped filet mignon. And then pour myself a tumbler of McClelland's Islay in time for kick off.

I know the big question that's on everyone's minds is Who is Micah wearing? Well, my pajama pants are by Nautica, my Ohio State t-shirt is by Nike, and my slippers are by Dearfoams. I feel like the belle of the ball!

During the lulls in conversation here (naw, that'll NEVER happen!), I'll be checking out the live blogs/Tweets by Doug Benson, the A.V. Club, and whoever else interesting and funny that I stumble upon. Know any good ones?

Let the bitchfest commence!

My Oscar noms

Well, the Oscar nominations were announced last week and they were the usual mixed bag of shoe-ins and surprises. While I agree with some of their picks, I haven't seen most of the films that they were culled from (and I still don't care for this "10 Best Picture nominees" nonsense). After a cursory glance at the list of films that I did see last year, I'd like to present the Micah World Alternate Reality Oscar nominations for the big six awards*:

Best Picture
Inglourious Basterds
Moon
Up
Up in the Air
Watchmen

Best Director
Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)
Zack Snyder (Watchmen)
Jason Reitman (Up in the Air)
J.J. Abrams (Star Trek)
Neill Blomkamp (District 9)

Best Actor
Sam Rockwell (Moon)
Patton Oswalt (Big Fan)
Sharlto Copley (District 9)
Jackie Earle Haley (Watchmen)
Liam Neeson (Taken)

Best Actress
Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air)
Katie Featherston (Paranormal Activity)
Mélanie Laurent (Inglourious Basterds)

Best Supporting Actor
Chistoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Woody Harrelson (Zombieland)
Jeffrey Dean Morgan (Watchmen)
Ryan Reynolds (X-Men Origins: Wolverine)

Best Supporting Actress
Diane Kruger (Inglourious Basterds)
Catherine Keener (Where the Wild Things Are)
Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air)
Marcia Jean Kurtz (Big Fan)

As usual, there's really no point in speculating who will win, as Bill Brasky will no doubt sweep all of the categories.

*Notes:
1. This list reflects only the 2009 movies that I've seen. There are plenty of others that I fully intend on catching up on (Namely, The Hurt Locker, An Education, Crazy Heart, Avatar, and House of the Devil, among many others).
2. Unlike last year, I didn't list any filler noms. What you see is what you get.
3. What's a lead performance? What's a supporting one? My list. My rules.

Crush of the Week: Marisa Tomei

This week's Crush is Oscar-winning actress Marisa Tomei. Have you seen her performance in The Wrestler? Damn!



Too bad she didn't get another statue on Sunday.

Oscar wrap-up

Well, I think we've all come down from our Oscar high (heck, the afterparty I was at just now ended) and it's time evaluate the ceremony itself. Going in, the producers said they wanted to shake things up. Did the changes work? My thoughts on those and some other stuff:

• Hugh Jackman: I thought he did a good job. He wasn't Billy Crystal/Steve Martin-great, but he was funny enough and kept things moving. He certainly wasn't Whoopi-bad.


• The dance numbers: The first one was pretty good, while the second one was God awful (even with Beyonce present). This night is supposed to salute film, not Broadway.


• The action/comedy/animation montages: "Hey, here are the movies that actually make us money! Let's recognize them with some clips...but no statues."


• The death montage: Seriously, they NEED to just cut the audience audio from the World's Most Morbid Popularity Contest. The sporadic bursts of applause are crass and a slap in the face to the lesser-known people who've passed. Queen Latifah's song was fine, but enough with the swaying screens and funky camera angles. Half of the time, you couldn't see who was being honored.


• The Heath Ledger tribute: A nice moment marred by the fact that Michelle Williams wasn't on stage with the rest of his family. Sure, she's his ex-wife, but she's also the mother to his daughter. Maybe she was invited, but declined, though.


• The revamped acting category presentations: These were by far the worst changes to the ceremony. Having five previous winners individually praise the five nominees slowed things down incredibly and, as unbelievable as it would seem, made the whole evening an even bigger self-important circle jerk. "Courageous" and "fearless?" Please. These are people who are paid millions to play dress up. I'd much rather see clips of the nominated performances than be told how the nominee changed the world for the better.


• Political grandstanding: Aside from a few instances, Hollywood showed a great amount of restraint with their soapbox and I applaud them for that.


• Best song mash-up: Interesting, but I prefer to hear each nominated song performed in its entirety. By concentrating these performances, we miss out on much-needed periodic bathroom breaks and you piss off Peter Gabriel. And that's something you just don't do.


• Steve Martin and Tina Fey: Their presentation for the screenplay awards was the best part of the ceremony. They should co-host next year.

Unfortunately, the ratings are up this year from last year's lowest-ever rated broadcast, so there's the possibility some of these changes will stick.

Also, I'd like to congratulate Kate the Great and KPMD, who placed first and second, respectively, in my Oscar pool (I tied for second, as well). My 20-for-24 ballot was good enough to win srah's pool, though. All hail me!

I'm pulling for a "Love Guru" sweep

Here we go, folks. It's time for that annual Hollywood circle jerk known as the Oscars. The glitz! The glamour! The nigh-insufferable acceptance speeches! And since this is the first ceremony since the election of President Hope & Change Fear, we'll no doubt be subjected to our celebrity betters telling us how much they now love this country and that it's time they changed their selfish ways (really, what exactly stopped them from being productive members of society during the last eight years?). But I digress.

This year I've only seen three of the fifteen films represented in the Big Six categories: The Wrestler, Tropic Thunder, and The Dark Knight. So I come from a place of indifference and ignorance in regards to most of the nominees. I'd love to see Robert Downey, Jr. win, but Heath Ledger did a fine job as the Joker. And I'm really pulling for Mickey Rourke to win. His performance was phenomenal and if he takes the prize we'd likely get the added bonus of being treated to a highly entertaining speech to liven up the sure to be dull proceedings.

During the lulls in the proceedings, I'll most likely be following the live blogs at Big Hollywood, the A.V. Club, and MTV (only because it's written by David Wain).

Hey, here's an idea: Why don't we have our own live blog right here in the comments section? It's kinda crazy, but it just might work! Here you can predict the winners, talk trash in regards to your Oscar pool, complain about snubs (*cough*Gran Torino*cough*), get catty about the clothes, and bitch about Hugh Jackman.

Song to get you through the weekend: "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová

The Oscars are tomorrow, so why not post the greatest Best Original Song winner ever (from the film Once)? Okay, maybe "White Christmas," "Moon River," and "Over the Rainbow" gives it a run for its money. What's your choice?

In related news, Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová's kinda sweet, kinda creepy relationship is over. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

Not going full retard: my Oscar noms

The Oscars are this weekend and there's still some chattering about slights, undeserved nods, and whatnot. So, why not add my voice to the cacophony?

The Academy gives a token nod to the comedy genre every few years. Action movies are almost always relegated to the technical category ghetto. Bah! Not here. Having dwelled on this past year's films for literally minutes, I present the Micah World Alternate Reality Oscar nominations for the big six awards*:

Best Picture
The Wrestler
Gran Torino
Iron Man
The Dark Knight
Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Best Director
Darren Aronofsky (The Wrestler)
Clint Eastwood (Gran Torino)
Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight)
Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)
Jon Favreau (Iron Man)

Best Actor
Robert Downey, Jr. (Iron Man)
Clint Eastwood (Gran Torino)
Mickey Rourke (The Wrestler)
Colin Farrell (In Bruges)
Jason Segel (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

Best Actress
Marisa Tomei (The Wrestler)
Elizabeth Banks (Zack and Miri Make a Porno)
Kat Dennings (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)
Gwyneth Paltrow (Iron Man)
Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

Best Supporting Actor
Robert Downey, Jr. (Tropic Thunder)
Heath Ledger (The Dark Knight)
James Franco (Pineapple Express)
Danny McBride (Pineapple Express)
Brendan Gleeson (In Bruges)

Best Supporting Actress
Evan Rachel Wood (The Wrestler)
Mila Kunis (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
Ari Graynor (Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)
Cate Blanchett (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull)
Julie Benz (Julie Benz)

Of course, this list is all for naught because Bill Brasky would surely end up winning every category.

Notes:
1. Before panties are bunched, please recognize that this list is compiled only from the '08 movies that I've seen. There are still a bunch on my "to watch" list.
2. Admittedly, some of these nominations are included as category filler, but I shant reveal who they are. I will say that it seems that I watched a lot of dude-heavy movies last year.
3. The Academy always plays around with what's considered a lead performance and what's a supporting one, and so did I.

Quick movie reviews

The Wrestler: Quite simply, this is Mickey Rourke's triumph. His performance was excellent, eliciting much sympathy with his failure to let go of his glory days. And Marisa Tomei goes above and beyond as an aging stripper. I can't recommend this extremely moving film enough.

Paul Blart: Mall Cop: It's not high art. Heck, it's not even all that hilarious. But it's harmless and sometimes you just want to see Fatty make a funny AND land the cute girl, you know?

In Bruges: I really enjoyed this story of two hitmen laying low in Belgium, awaiting their next job. Colin Farrell was surprisingly emotive (this may be his best work; Sorry, Daredevil), Ralph Fiennes was humorously menacing, and Brendan Gleeson once again fails to disappoint. It's up for Best Screenplay at this year's Oscars. It's a shame that it has no chance.

Dan in Real Life: Based on the trailer, I wasn't expecting much, but this movie ended up surprising me. It's much more of a drama with some funny parts than a straight-up comedy. Maybe I'm just a big softie, but the scene with Steve Carell singing "Let My Love Open the Door" (especially the slowed-down last verse) to his brother's girlfriend really got me. Nobody plays the sad sack better than Carell.

Hulk vs.: HULK SMASH PUNY WOLVERINE AND THOR. CARTOON MORE VIOLENT THAN EXPECTED. HOPEFULLY, THIS FIRST DVD OF MANY.

Let the Hollywood Circle Jerk commence

In a shocking display of out-of-the-loopiness, the only movies up for Oscars tonight that I've actually seen are ones in the "lesser" catagories: Once, Ratatouille, The Bourne Ultimatum, 3:10 to Yuma, and Transformers. All are great, except for the last. It is shit.

Anyway, I'm throwing my full support behind the only nominee that I care about this year: "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, for Best Song. Hopefully, the three songs from Enchanted will cancel each other out and this hauntingly beautiful song will take the prize. Check it out above (it's a great scene, but the song really kicks in at around the 1:20 mark).

I'll be keeping tabs with y'all in the comments, if anyone drops by this year (previous years have been a hoot; read 'em here and here). And if this isn't enough for you, the Onion's A.V. Club will be live blogging the ceremony.

Given that it's an election year, the writers strike just recently was resolved, and a glut of anti-war movies were released in 2007, the acceptance speeches and whatnot are sure to be nigh-insufferable. Let the Hollywood Circle Jerk commence.

If Castro dies while I'm down there, it's going to be one HUGE party...

Okay, folks, I'm off to sunny Miami in the great state of Florida (America's Wang!). I'll be on a plane for the duration of tonight's Oscars, so I won't be able to comment on the ceremony. But feel free to bitch and make catty remarks here.

I'm bringing my laptop, but I'm not sure if there'll be a wifi signal that I can piggyback off of. If not, I'll see y'all when I get back from Vice City on Thursday.

The Oscar pool is up and running

Let me know if you want in.

"And the Oscar goes to...'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo'"

"Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours" - Johnny Carson

It's finally here - Oscar Night (or as former Kid in the Hall Scott Thompson refers to it, "The Gay Superbowl"). It's time to find out what politically-charged films shunned by the general moviegoing public will take home the top honors. I predict that this will be the big winner:


Occasional MW commenter Shamrock and "friend"

To help you pass the time while you watch the red carpet arrivals, here are some goodies:

-a streaming video for one of my favorite singer-songwriter's cute lil' song "Gay Cowboy" (there was an mp3 of the song available at his site, but I can't find it now; let me know if you want it.)
-Actor and ghetto pass holder Michael Rapaport's hip-hop song "How To Rob An Actor" he made with the High & Mighty (Rapidshare link).

To answer everyone's question as to who I'm wearing, it's Adidas, Simple, and J.Crew.

Last year's chat was so much fun, it'll be hard to replicate. But we can try. So let the predictions, trash talk, and cattiness begin. We'll all be hetero in the morning.

No love for "Stealth"?

The Oscar nominations were announced this morning and I'm underwhelmed (although far from surprised). Not much appealing to me this year - seems like a lot of This Is How You Should Think movies, rather than films that have artistic merit AND are, oh, say, entertaining. And Walk the Line getting snubbed for Best Picture? Criminal. Matt Dillion gets a nom?! I guess he was okay in Herbie: Fully Loaded. Probably the only movie nominated in a major category that I haven't seen, but probably will before the ceremony is Capote. Maybe.

Do I even need to start a pool in the Year of Brokeback?

Regardless, I'll be watching like I do every year, if only to replicate last year's Oscar night post (232 comments!).

Someone please explain this to me

I mentioned this in the comments to my Oscar night post, but does anyone actually find this hairstyle attractive?


Photo courtesy of Variety

Come on, Laura. You're an attractive woman...but not with that 'do.

"And the Oscar goes to...'You Got Served'"

Tonight the stars come out to shine...and make overlong acceptance speeches, lame jokes, and simplistic political statements. So join the fun and discuss (or just talk some trash about) the Oscars here - before, during, and after the big show.

And for those keeping tabs on my Oscar pool, you can find a direct link to it here.