Sunday, February 24, 2013

"And the Oscar goes to...That's My Boy!"



Well, it's time once again for the prestigious annual Hollywood circle jerk that we call the Oscars. (A.K.A. the only thing that makes me put off viewing The Walking Dead.) Yes, the stars have come out to shine! And preen, mug, bloviate, etc. Just who will take home the big prize this year? The story about a President desperately trying to do the right thing and secure his legacy (Zero Dark Thirty), the exploits of a couple of mental patients training for a dance contest (Django Unchained), or the extreme close ups of singing people pretending to be French (Amour)? Or maybe one of the other nominated films?

I have seen very few of the nominated films this year, so I largely can't comment on the merits of them. But the fact that The Avengers only got one paltry nom in a technical category - and not nods all across the board - reinforces my view that the Oscars are a sham. In my heart the film has already won the Oscar for Best Picture Ever Made. (Apologies to Highlander.) Also completely overlooked: Bernie, The Cabin in the Woods, and Blue Like Jazz. COME ON!

It wouldn't be the Oscars without a lot of chatter about red carpet fashion! Yeah, well, unless someone is wearing something goofy like a swan dress, I don't really care about all that. But I will say that I'm currently wearing a shirt by Anton "Piggly" Wiggly, pants by House of Simpsons, and slippers by Louis Dockers.

Per usual, I'll be live blogging the ceremony here in the comments section. I invite you to join in the snark and comment along. Feel free to talk smack about what movies and actors you hate (true story: not everyone likes Anne Hathaway), who you love, what a mess the telecast is, who you are wearing, your predictions, the most glaring snubs, etc. (I'll also post some exceptionally funny tweets that I come across during the night; do the same, if you want. Twitter was made for events like this.)

Bring on the glitz, glamor, and phoniness!

93 comments:

Micah said...

Billy Crystal looks WONDERFUL.

Micah said...

Don't you DARE make fun of J-Law.

Micah said...

Slow down, Seth. I'm jotting this down for future use.

Micah said...

Huzzah! I just unlocked the Seth MacFarlane Sings a Standard sticker from GetGlue!

Micah said...

Shat.

Micah said...

Serious question: Is the Seth MacFarlane/EW feud still a thing?

Micah said...

Deniro played an Eagles superfan? But he wasn't throwing any batteries in that clip. I'm not buying his performance.

Micah said...

Whoa. Christoph Waltz upset. Bully for him. I really need to see Django.

Adam Carolla is really, really happy (and vindicated) right now.

Micah said...

Jack Nicholson, I know you're Jack Nicholson and all, but take off the sunglasses. You just look silly. At least get some age appropriate, huge black ones to go over your eyeglasses.

Micah said...

Micah's mancrush ahoy!

Micah said...

Woo-hoo! I'm 1-2 in the pool. "Paperman" was a delightful little cartoon. No snark. Watch it.

Micah said...

I thought "Cats" would have more, you know, cats.

Micah said...

The Life of Pi: It's grrrrrreat!

Micah said...

Beasts of the Southern Wild: a nice, if very slow, little film that I will probably never watch ever again.

Micah said...

Avengers! Our movie made more money than every other movie represented in this room combined. Suck it.

Micah said...

Look! Hawkeye actually did something!

Micah said...

Lincoln's cinematographer also shot the Vanilla Ice movie Cool As Ice. Seriously. Look it up.

Micah said...

Congratulations, Gandalf the Young!

Micah said...

Glaring omission of mine: I should've mentioned in my blog post that Michael Fassbender should've gotten a nod for his role in Prometheus. The movie was okay, but he was excellent in it. Look it up.

Micah said...

Patton Oswalt on Twitter: "They just JAWS/BONANZA'ed you." = new slang for "shut the fuck up"

Micah said...

Right now I'm seriously questioning my decision to not watch the Walking Dead.

Micah said...

Heh heh. Halle Berry said "galore".

Micah said...

Steve Martin on Twitter: Oh, so now I'm no longer one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Micah said...

Max Power! He's the man with the name that you want to touch! But you MUSTN'T touch!

Micah said...

So, is anyone actually reading these? Just wondering if I should break out my A game or take a break and eat sriracha potato chips.

Micah said...

*crickets*

Guess that answers my question. Potato chip time!

Micah said...

NOW maybe he'll actually fight wolves with broken bottle fists. PLEASE.

Micah said...

I still want to see Argo, but Affleck could've tried a little harder to make it look like Boston.

Micah said...

Lincoln joke.

Micah said...

Osama bin Laden joke.

Micah said...

Joel McHale on Twitter: Ben Affleck's tux is by Armani, his shoes are by Gucci, and his beard is by See I'm A Director Now.

Micah said...

Sarah Kogod on Twitter: Instead of Jaws music, they should have Dikembe Mutombo run out and smack the statue away when speeches run long.

Micah said...

Billy Eichner on Twitter: This is the gayest thing I've ever seen and I once got a hand job while watching Smash.

Micah said...

This performance is giving me 30 odd foot of grunts.

Micah said...

I'm getting bored with this. Just sayin'. Somebody come in here and talk to me.

Micah said...

Listening to Skyfall was a delight.

Micah said...

S.E. Cupp on Twitter: Jeez, were all these sound winners the bad guy in the painting from Ghost Busters II?

Micah said...

Yeah...I got nothin'.

Micah said...

Is this the song about Adele being dumped by James Bond?

wags said...

yes, yes it is micah.. ;)

Micah said...

SOMEONE'S HERE! Suzann, who are yo wearing?

Micah said...

Tom Lennon on Twitter: I choreographed this Adele number.

Micah said...

Fresca break!

wags said...

I am very fashionable in my Dubois Bookstore (a Cincy bookstore) Univ of Cincinnati sweatshirt and black yoga pants, by womens foot locker.... huge fashion risk! ;)

Micah said...

Does Kristen Stewart want to be *anywhere*?

wags said...

no, no she doesn't

The Tank said...

Did anyone else just expect the old guys from The Muppets to pop out of those skyboxes?

Micah said...

TANK!!! Who are you wearing?

And Suzann, you're doing an excellent job of being my sidekick.

wags said...

speaking of muppets, i had the pleasure of watching the great muppet caper today on HUB... and to answer your question yes I really wanted to see statler and waldorf make some snarky comment

Micah said...

Statler and Waldorf rock. I babysat a friend's kid this past fall and we watched The Muppets Take Manhattan. It still holds up.

Micah said...

Come on, Bane. Do it now!

wags said...

so how are you rating Babs's performance/ look?

The Tank said...

Thumbs up.

Micah said...

Not a fan, so I was catching up on Twitter. But all the way over here I could hear NYC and Florida erupting in applause.

The Tank said...

Objectively speaking. Can't really stand her or the song, but it was a good performance.

Micah said...

Isn't it a bit too soon to pay tribute to Chicago? (Excepting, of course, if the cast died in a plane crash or something.)

wags said...

wait... scarlett johansen sings...?

Micah said...

In other words: "You guys ain't got a prayer, so you don't get a live performance. You get a brief clip. It's Adele's world. You're just living in it, suckas."

wags said...

well they decided to do an ode to musicals of the last decade... so there's that...

wags said...

and norah jones gets to pop in adele's world got to make sure we keep the appearance of "fairness"

Micah said...

RE: ScarJo. Yep. Her first album was a Tom Waits cover record and it sucked. But her follow up (which was actually recorded prior to her debut) - a duet album with Pet Yorn - was pretty good.

http://youtu.be/4Azg50mvfVg

Micah said...

Good for Adele. It's about time she had some success.

The Tank said...

Anyone else think Alison Brie could be Adele's skinny American cousin?

Micah said...

Tom Lennon on Twitter: If Batman had a nemesis who fell into a vat of grapefruit juice, she would look like #reneezellweger

Micah said...

Tank - Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

(Maybe my favorite Simpsons quote. Today, at least.)

Micah said...

Charlize isn't Monster-ugly or anything, but she really needs to grow her hair back out.

The Tank said...

Charlize. Yowza.

Micah said...

She can get it.

Micah said...

Tarantino and Charlize are neighbors? I'm picturing him coming over to her house to borrow a Kangol.

Micah said...

The Sklar Brothers on Twitter: Said it before, but it bears repeating, Tarantino is becoming Jaws from Moonraker. #oscars

The Tank said...

Aben Eubanks (whoever that is) on Twitter: "Charlize Theron. That's all a married man can say about that."

Micah said...

What were live events like before Twitter? I honestly can't remember.

wags said...

probably a lot like life before cell phones...

Micah said...

Does this mean that I have to watch Life of Pi now?

Micah said...

Nope. Can't remember anything before cell phones, either.

Micah said...

Haven't seen Silver Linings Playbook, but come on, J-Law! #nohomo

wags said...

i was going for Quvenzhane Wallis... but good for J-law

The Tank said...

Good for J-Law.

Micah said...

I thought Beasts was okay - didn't live up to the hype for me - but the little girl was really good in it.

J-Law. Yup yup.

Micah said...

And I just referred to her as "little girl" because I haven't added Quvenzhane to my spellcheck yet.

Micah said...

Still need to see Flight. I've heard good things.

Micah said...

Jen Kirkman on Twitter: Why is Daniel Day Lewis Morrissey tonight?

Micah said...

Watching these types of events would be much more tolerable if I lived on the West Coast. Getting up for work in the morning's a real drag.

The Tank said...

DDL...all he does is win Oscars.

Micah said...

ASK ABOUT THE DRONE STRIKES.

The Tank said...

The Obamas have a great film career ahead of them.

Micah said...

Mollie Hemingway on Twitter: For the first time in my adult Oscar watching life, I'm embarrassed for my country.

Bully for Argo. I still need to see that one.

wags said...

is it wrong that when i see Grant (the 3rd guy) all i can think of is, True Lies?

Micah said...

Ben Affleck has a good career ahead of him as the Micro Machines guy.

Micah said...

Ha. Good one, Suzann.

Micah said...

Sean O'Neal on Twitter: "Even if you're knocked down, and you're making millions for bad movies and having sex w/ Jennifer Lopez, you've gotta get back up"

Micah said...

Alright, I'm going to bed. This was fun. Thanks for the memories, Suzann and Shawn.

The Tank said...

Where is the Like button on this damn site?