Sunday, February 22, 2009

I'm pulling for a "Love Guru" sweep



Here we go, folks. It's time for that annual Hollywood circle jerk known as the Oscars. The glitz! The glamour! The nigh-insufferable acceptance speeches! And since this is the first ceremony since the election of President Hope & Change Fear, we'll no doubt be subjected to our celebrity betters telling us how much they now love this country and that it's time they changed their selfish ways (really, what exactly stopped them from being productive members of society during the last eight years?). But I digress.

This year I've only seen three of the fifteen films represented in the Big Six categories: The Wrestler, Tropic Thunder, and The Dark Knight. So I come from a place of indifference and ignorance in regards to most of the nominees. I'd love to see Robert Downey, Jr. win, but Heath Ledger did a fine job as the Joker. And I'm really pulling for Mickey Rourke to win. His performance was phenomenal and if he takes the prize we'd likely get the added bonus of being treated to a highly entertaining speech to liven up the sure to be dull proceedings.

During the lulls in the proceedings, I'll most likely be following the live blogs at Big Hollywood, the A.V. Club, and MTV (only because it's written by David Wain).

Hey, here's an idea: Why don't we have our own live blog right here in the comments section? It's kinda crazy, but it just might work! Here you can predict the winners, talk trash in regards to your Oscar pool, complain about snubs (*cough*Gran Torino*cough*), get catty about the clothes, and bitch about Hugh Jackman.

115 comments:

KPMD said...

Dude, I don't have E! down here. Actually, I have some bullshit combo of E! and cspan so I can't watch the red carpet show. I am so pissed. And I have no idea why I would bitch about Hugh Jackman - he's one hot hottie full of hotness. I might just watch the whole show on mute.

spydrz said...

Gran F-ING Torino!

spydrz said...

FYI KP: am enjoying an Au Bon Climat Pinot Noir 2007, Santa Barbara County, Santa Maria Valley. Quaffable, but not transcendent.

Micah said...

Who are you people wearing?

KPMD - E! and CSPAN go together like chocolate and WD40. What are they thinking? It's for the best, though. I'm sure your patients would rather your brain power not degrade due to watching that channel. (I'm talking about CSPAN.)

spydrz - In-F-ING-deed!

Micah said...

Oh, and don't get me wrong. HJ's a cool dude. But normally we see a comedian in this role, not a song and dance mutant with adamantium claws.

spydrz said...

"See, what he's doing is imitating Wolverine's berserker attack with his adamantium claws."

KPMD said...

Well, at least I've got ABC covering the red carpet now. Spydrz, teasing a hormonal pregnant woman with thoughts of alcohol is soooo uncool. I am enjoying a caffeine-free diet coke :( BTW, Kate Winslet and Amy Adams look fab. I am wearing jeans by Seven for all Mankind (thank god they still fit!) and a demure long sleeve T courtesy of WDCE 90.1 (a new "alternative" designer out of Richmond)

spydrz said...

I shall partake of your share of the Pinot. Actually, MQF is partaking of it.

Micah said...

KPMD - Hey, preggers chick. My Wal-Mart had Ben & Jerry's on sale for $2.75. Picked up the cinnamon bun flavor for tonight.

I am wearing a tasteful green t-shirt by Marvel Comics, featuring some of today's biggest stars of the stage and screen (Hulk! Wolverine! Spider-man! Captain America!), fashionable but functional pajama pants by Homer of Springfield, slippers by French designer Louis Target, and glasses by Fossil.

I'm skipping all this pre-show pap.

spydrz - "Shall I call you 'Logan,' Weapon X?"

spydrz said...

Mmmmmm Dr. Jean Grey.

Micah said...

It's Miley!

(Okay, we're watching the damn pre-show.)

Micah said...

I do hope all of you are wearing your white ribbons. Otherwise, you're just a backwoods, Miracle Whip sandwich-eating homophobe.

KPMD said...

Spydrz - MQF? Anyhoo, drink away - at least someone's enjoying. Next year, I'm so getting drunk and making Phil watch the kid.

Micah - Miley looks all sorts of hideous.

spydrz said...

KP-Miss Ming has joined us for the weekend.

Micah said...

Streep's daughter...yum!

KPMD said...

I wear nothing but pink ribbons, but I have a white dog - does that count? Man, I could eat me some of the B&J - I've got Breyer's Cookies n Cream - not too shabby.

KPMD said...

Welcome Ming!

Micah - I was thinking the exact same thing. Though a BAP might be in order.

Micah said...

I also have some lime sherbet left over from when I had the flu. I'll probably save the rest of that for the next time I have the flu.

Micah said...

RE: The BAP

That goes without saying, really. You know me.

spydrz said...

Ming does not have a computer.

Micah said...

Whoa! Is Hugh Jackman English or something?

spydrz said...

Don't say the Zed word!

Anonymous said...

My game for tonight: guessing how many times Obama is mentioned.... Micah, your guess????

Micah said...

Hmmm...I'm going to say that there'll be 22 references (direct AND indirect) to Obama/end of the Bush era.

I'm just glad it won't be a drinking game.

Micah said...

Somewhere Billy Crystal is crying.

Micah said...

Anon - Who are you wearing?

spydrz said...

AMY ADAMS!

Micah said...

Score one for me in the pool, bitches!

spydrz said...

!Lechuga!

KPMD said...

Score one for me too beeotch!

Micah said...

I want Tina Fey and Steve Martin to have a baby.

Anonymous said...

Tina Fey sucks.

Micah said...

Anon - Hey now! Them's fightin' words. (I'm still waiting for proof, by the way.)

Love that they got a Scientology dig in there.

Micah said...

Score another one for me, bitches!

(Though I think In Bruges should've won.)

Micah said...

That guy from those Pink Panther movies sure is funny!

Micah said...

3 for 3!

KPMD said...

3, count them 3 scores for me! BTW, Slumdog, Tropic Thunder and Dark Knight are the only films I've seen this year. Slumdog effing rocked.

Micah said...

Really? I haven't seen it, but you're a trusted source. I should buy the hype?

spydrz said...

Can't be any better than "Loverboy."

Senor Pizza!

Micah said...

I want Jennifer Aniston and me to have a baby.

4 for 5 so far.

KPMD said...

Dammit, my first miss! I so had Presto for that one. That dude is NOT french!

Micah said...

That. Was. Awesome.

That's the acceptance speech to beat this year.

spydrz said...

I'm actually quite surprised at the lack of comment concerning President Messiah. Maybe b/c he's already proven to be inept and in over his head?

Micah said...

Why must you be so negative? That's the last thing we need in these dark times!

I thought Pixar would sweep the animation categories, too. :(

Micah said...

I want Sarah Jessica Parker's boobies and me to have a baby.

Micah said...

I want Amanda Seyfriend and me...ah, forget it.

KPMD said...

I think I AM having Robert Pattinson's vampire baby. It sucks the ever loving life out of me, makes me crave red meat, and makes my feet cold as ice...oh wait they were always like that. Anyway, vampire baby made me cry at that insipid crap. Damn you vampire baby and your father's fabulous hair!

KPMD said...

Ben Stiller is awesome. He should have your baby Micah.

Micah said...

I would be open for that. Stupid Prop 8!

Micah said...

For those wondering, I'm 8 for 9 so far. Best Animated Short really threw me off my game.

WHY HASN'T WATCHMEN WON ANYTHING YET?

KPMD said...

Man, now I'm gonna cry at this mastercard commercial. I suck.

KPMD said...

I think there's something wrong with Jessica Biel's left boob. Or maybe it's just the dress...Would anyone prefer if she took it off?

Micah said...

NERDS!

Hey, Billy Crudup does the voicework for those Mastercard commercials. Wanna see his big blue penis for almost 3 hours? Watchmen!

spydrz said...

How could I like her? She's *ugly*

KPMD said...

I was not aware of that. I am intrigued by Watchmen, but am afraid it's just gonna be another sucky graphic novel rip-off.

KPMD said...

Spydrz - HA!

Micah said...

Yeah, we'll see. It'll be hard to live up to the hype. I'm totally geeked out for the movie, though. I'm almost done reading the funnybook.

Yay! The Academy recognizes comedy!

spydrz said...

Almost time to open my viognier.

wh1skeylover said...

I realize that I'm late to the party...but when I look up from my computer to the TV screen I don't want to see two men kissing. Blech.

KPMD said...

This bit is funny. Except the dude's kissing. That was gross. I'm trying to eat my egg sandwich. I would have seth rogen's baby.

Micah said...

Go back to your cave, homophobe!

How's it going, Coleman? And, more importantly, who are you wearing?

Micah said...

So, what's the Joe Rogen Diet? I wanna get in on that action.

Micah said...

Ha ha...that should be the Seth Rogen Diet. But Joe's pretty ripped (at least he was on "NewsRadio").

KPMD said...

Hey man, I'm all for dude's kissing - just not on my tv. And I'm all for chicks kissing - anywhere they want.

A question for the ages...why is chicks kissing hot and dudes kissing gross?

Micah said...

It's God's plan. Don't question it.

wh1skeylover said...

When Chicks kiss you agree with both of them...

Micah said...

Taken from that viewpoint, I am an avid consumer of gay cinema. Whodathunkit?

Mmmmm...Beyonce.

spydrz said...

Beyonce kissing Salma Hayek.

There, I just blew your mind!

Micah said...

Isn't think just a retread of 1990's Green Card, starring that hunk GĂ©rard Depardieu.

spydrz said...

Depardieu was better in "My Father the Hero."
Oh wait, that was Katherine Heigl.

KPMD said...

I could be in your driveway by now...

Micah said...

Hey, what's the dude from Snow Dogs doing on stage?

Micah said...

Good call, KPMD. If you were here, you would've been subjected to spydrz and my terrible Walken impressions.

spydrz said...

You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!

KPMD said...

I have a fever and the only prescription for it is...more cowbell!

Micah said...

"Heath could not be here tonight..."

spydrz said...

Too soon?

KPMD said...

Bill Maher looks like he's wearing a rubber suit.

wh1skeylover said...

Bill Maher is a douche. That is all.

Micah said...

The smugness factor in the room just increased tenfold when he took the stage. And that's no small feat considering the crowd.

spydrz said...

How does Maher still have a tv show? He's just smarmy...like Chuck Schumer in a shiny suit.

KPMD said...

He is douchetastic, no doubt.

Micah said...

Well, I'm 11 for 13 so far. What's doing me in? Short animated feature and short subject documentary.

I'm swearing off short films for the rest of my life. There goes that sex tape I planned on making.

spydrz said...

That'd be a really short film!

ZING!

Micah said...

And I beat you to the ZING by making my quip self-depreciating. ZING!

Hey, here are some action movies that make us a ton of money, but we don't nominate!

KPMD said...

Man! I've fallen behind Kate! Damn you Slumdog Millionare and your awesomeness!

I also have a problem with the shorts. Just ask Phil.

Micah said...

Well, it looks like it worked out well for you once, at least.

wh1skeylover said...

They are playing an Aimee Mann song as it cut's to commercial. How Random.

Micah said...

Michael Penn must have some sway with the Academy.

KPMD said...

Oh sweet innocent Micah. Never confuse effective with good.

Micah said...

Hey, it's the guy from Meet Dave!

wh1skeylover said...

Wasn't he in that Bronson Pinchot vehicle? The one about the cop who went to an art gallery?

spydrz said...

Serrrrrge?

Micah said...

"Yeah, and we're not gonna fall for a banana in the tailpipe."

I was never a fan of Lewis's comedy, but mad props for his work for MS.

But we still have no a release for The Day the Clown Cried. Call your Congressman!

KPMD said...

This blows, I am totally falling behind.

Micah said...

But you're in comfortable position to win a prize and that's all that matters.

I'm going to clap extra loudly for Heath Ledger because he's the most popular dead dude.

KPMD said...

I think Heath died last year (last Oscar year that is). I clapped extra loud for Paul Newman 'cuz I like his salad dressing.

spydrz said...

Mmmm Fig Newmans

Micah said...

Oh, that's right. Shame about the deafening silence that fell when Charlton Heston was on the screen(s). Not totally unexpected, though.

spydrz said...

Why the GWTW song?

Micah said...

Why not?

KPMD said...

I don't know what looks weirder, the feathers growing out of Nicole Kidman's boobs or Sophia Loren's botoxed face

Micah said...

I say it's a dead heat!

spydrz said...

Maybe Sophia was auditioning to replace Heath Ledger as the Joker.

KPMD said...

Too soon, dude, too soon.

KPMD said...

I know Mickey Rourke didn't win, but can we hear his speech instead?

Micah said...

Mickey Rourke was robbed! If there wasn't a Prop 8 brouhaha last year, would Penn have won? Hmmmm.

KPMD said...

Harvey Milk and William Wallace? You...have...got...to...be...kidding.

Micah said...

Big shock.

KPMD said...

Well, I guess I'm getting Kate's sloppy seconds this year :( I'd gladly exchange my prize for seeing Micah and Spydrz recreating the dance scene from the end of Slumdog Millionaire.

spydrz said...

Gran F-ING Torino!

KPMD said...

Alright bitches, it's been real. Nowhere near as good as the epic blog of 2005, but it hit the spot. I'm off to bed to have naughty dreams about Robert Pattinson and Hugh Jackman.

Micah said...

Congratulations to Kate the Great and KPMD. For the benefit of those not in our Oscar pool, I tied for second place. Not too shabby.

Hugh Jackman did a good job. The first song and dance number was good. The second, not so much.

I do have to give kudos to Hollywood for not getting overly political tonight (Sean Penn excepted). You truly are courageous and fearless people...who get paid millions to play dress up and pretend.

But did anyone find it a touch funny that Penn praised Obama, that anti-gay marriage troglodyte?

Again, Mickey Rourke - and Clint Eastwood, for that matter - was robbed.

Micah said...

Thanks to everyone for stopping by tonight. All four of you. :)

Andrew said...

Kinda paid attention to the first 20 minutes, made some dinner, watched "W." (snuh), and then came back for best actor and picture... congrats to anyone who actually made it through the whole telecast end to end!