Sunday, February 24, 2008

Let the Hollywood Circle Jerk commence



In a shocking display of out-of-the-loopiness, the only movies up for Oscars tonight that I've actually seen are ones in the "lesser" catagories: Once, Ratatouille, The Bourne Ultimatum, 3:10 to Yuma, and Transformers. All are great, except for the last. It is shit.

Anyway, I'm throwing my full support behind the only nominee that I care about this year: "Falling Slowly" by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, for Best Song. Hopefully, the three songs from Enchanted will cancel each other out and this hauntingly beautiful song will take the prize. Check it out above (it's a great scene, but the song really kicks in at around the 1:20 mark).

I'll be keeping tabs with y'all in the comments, if anyone drops by this year (previous years have been a hoot; read 'em here and here). And if this isn't enough for you, the Onion's A.V. Club will be live blogging the ceremony.

Given that it's an election year, the writers strike just recently was resolved, and a glut of anti-war movies were released in 2007, the acceptance speeches and whatnot are sure to be nigh-insufferable. Let the Hollywood Circle Jerk commence.

24 comments:

Micah said...

This intro is FROMAGE.

KPMD said...

Damn you EW! I had Peter and the Wolf and then changed it.

P.S. Micah who ARE you wearing?

Micah said...

KPMD!!!!! It was way too quiet in here. Some of the old-timers don't come around these parts anymore. Glad you could make it.

I am wearing a t-shirt, boxers, and hoodie (that I got earlier today; blog post forthcoming) by Jean-Marc Old Navy, pajama pants from an undetermined designer, and socks by Louis Hanes. And you?

These montages are getting very tiresome. Circle jerk, indeed. Just as long as I don't have to eat the Ookie Cookie.

EW hasn't been too kind to me, either. I strayed from their predictions in a few categories, but none that have been announced yet.

KPMD said...

Glad I could make it, though I'm flagging already. I have to admit the only Oscar nominee I've seen so far is Ratatouille (and that was last night).

I, too, am wearing Jean-Marc Old Navy (sweater and jeans) set off by a fetching bright yellow William-Sonoma apron.

The montages suck. Phil keeps flipping to Chris Rock when they pop up, which I cannot argue with. Chris Rock is far funnier than The Rock.

Micah said...

Oh, you've gotta rent Once. It's awesome. Not much of a plot to it, but the music's great.

A partial list of chicks I'd nail who have been on stage tonight:

Amy Adams
Kristen Chenoweth
Jessica Alba
Jennifer Garner
Katherine Heigl
Anne Hathaway
Cate Blanchett (just because she'd put on a convincing performance of being into it)

Jon Stewart (or his writers, rather) just isn't funny tonight.

Give Phil a smooch for me.

I'm just upset that the Nation of Domination didn't join the Rock onstage.

KPMD said...

I wholeheartedly agree with your list. I would soooo not do Tilda Swinton, she scares the crap out of me.

Jon Stewart is not very funny, but at least he hasn't hit the politico humor hard yet.

Consider Phil smooched.

Marion Cotillard?!? I'm so not winning this year.

Micah said...

Yeah, who saw that coming? Well, she has now also wrapped up a future Crush of the Week position, as well...which, as insiders will tell you, is an even bigger honor than winning an Oscar. Just as the Starbucks commercial chick.

Tilda Swenton is evil, I tells ya. She wasn't acting in Narnia.

I could see you doing Seth Rogen.

No offense to these parties, but I'm just hoping that "Entry" "snuh" don't win in the pool, as I have no idea who the heck they are. I don't want to have to send out an e-mail to 50 indifferent and likely annoyed people tomorrow morning to find out the ID of the winner.

KPMD said...

In that I resemble Katherine Heigl, yes I would do Seth Rogen.

I can't believe I'm tied with spydrz. I...am...so...ashamed.

spydrz said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Micah said...

Ha ha ha ha. Too true.

I'm glad Jack took his sunglasses off for his introduction...to another freakin' montage. The guy's a legend and all, but he's become a parody of himself.

If "Falling Slowly" doesn't win I'm gonna go home and bite my pillow!

Micah said...

BTW, any ideas on how long the applause for Heath Ledger will be during the "These Folks Died This Year, Yo" montage? I'm guessing it'll be an even 20 minutes.

Also, if they don't break out the "Montage" song from Team America at least once tonight, they are missing a golden opportunity.

KPMD said...

Spydrz is now ahead. The apocalypse is upon us. I'm looking forward to the montage montage, where they recap all the best montages from throughout the years.

simply reg shall endure as SBN1 said...

SPYDRZ! SPYDRZ! SPYDRZ!

Micah said...

MCDREAMY!!!!111!!!!

Micah said...

(My last post was in reference to Patrick Dempsey, but Reggie quite the catch, as well)

Glad you could join us.

spydrz said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

Micah said...

John Travolta: "And the winner for Best Song is...L. Ron Hubbard!"

Micah said...

Suh-weeeeet!

simply reg said...

figured I'd stop by even though I've only watched about 5 minutes of the show. I know the costume designer for E:TGA won the award for her category. That's about it.

I was too late to enter the contest, so I'm living vicariously through Spydrz's entry.

Micah said...

You're not missing much. Believe me. And KPMD has pulled ahead.

Love your e-mailed picks. I may post that here in the comments, if that's cool.

The Bourne Ultimatum for Best Film Editing? I thought the movie was swell EXCEPT for the film editing. Is Matt Damon fighting someone or doing bar tricks a la Cocktail? I CAN'T TELL!

KPMD said...

All right boys (Reg, I'm so disappointed in your misguided alliance with spydrz). Sorry to leave when the party's just getting started, but my sorry old butt is tired. Good luck to all. Enjoy the pageantry of it all...and the montages.

Micah said...

The Oscars are bigger than you and me. This is the one night out of the year where the stars come out to shine! Show a little respect and stay up. They're going to show more montages!

Good night, babe.

Ooooooh, they just started the Montage de la Muerta!

Micah said...

Alright, it's late and I'm going to finish this broadcast in my room, away from my computer.

I'll leave my dear readers with Reggie's picks, which he e-mailed me this evening. If only the real ceremony was as exciting.

Excelsior!

looks like I waited too late.


look, here are my predictions for tonight;


NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN takes best picture


Daniel Day Lewis wins something or other for THERE WILL BE BLOOD


PERSEOPOLIS wins something


In a surprising upset, ELLEN PAGE will win whatever she's nominated for. However, whilst accepting the award, she will be assaulted by a 6'8" pimp from Compton who jumps onstage and punches her in the face shouting, "bitch, you got time to come to hollywood award shows but you ain't got time to pay Guerilla Smooth his money? Honest to blog I will kick your trick ass up and down that red carpet if you don't have my money. How you like them shenanigans?" Dazed and in tears, Page will whimper something unintelligible only to be shouted down, "quit yo' cryin', bitch! since you ain't got my money, I'ma take this here gold statue you gots. But don't think I'll be as good-natured and forgiving if you try to play me again. For real tho!" He snatches the statue away and then turns to leave, but then hesitates and turns back to address the mortified audience. "Lemme show ya'll busters who you dealin' with, just in case ya'll thinkin of callin' the po-po on me."


At this point, the pimp tears off his face to reveal that he's in fact, CATE BLANCHETT!


Stunned, the audience bursts into applause and Blanchett roars over the ovation, "I live this acting shit! I breathe this acting shit. you betta recognize, bitch. I AM THE LIVING EMBODIMENT OF THE MODERN DRAMATIC ARTS!"


While Cate does her best impression of Kanye West, hoisting the stolen trophy above her head and basking in the applause, a spokesperson for the Academy will meekly take the microphone and announce, "We have a correction to make; the winner is Ms. Cate Blanchett." Unsatisfied, Blanchett will glower at him intensely and he'll quickly take the mic again, "I meant to to say, the winner of every best actress award tonight is Ms. Cate Blanchett."


Cate will then kick Ellen Page in the head and shout, "EN-GA-LAND! EN-GA-LAND! LONDON STAND UP!"


At which point the orchestra will unleash a rousing rendition of, "Rule Britannia" whilst Blanchett leads a throng of english audience members out of the auditorium and into the streets of Los Angeles where an unprecedented spree of hooliganism will unfurl over the next six hours.

jasdye said...

sorry i missed the montage excitement. doing clothes at the laundro where they where watching a very scary rendition of Cirque de Soliel - only in spanish and a hundred times gayer.

it flamed more than the sun.