The exhilarating tension between being and becoming: 13 of my favorite baseball-influenced pieces of pop culture

It's been quite a week for America's pastime. The All-Star game happened. George Steinbrenner and Bob Sheppard passed away. The Orioles and the Nationals are still sucking. Admittedly, I don't follow the game all that closely, but I do love a good day at the ballpark. Unfortunately, I haven't made the trip this season (or even taken a nap to a televised game on a lazy Saturday afternoon). But I have revisited some of my favorite baseball-referencing pop culture:



"Eastbound & Down": Gloriously mulletted and hilariously profane, Danny McBride totally inhabits the role of disgraced former MLB pitcher Kenny Powers. Not only is the HBO show my favorite baseball-related slice of media, Kenny keeps on entertaining during the "off-season" via his Twitter feed.



"Manager's Corner with Earl Weaver": Speaking of profanity, this has got to be the funniest baseball-related viral audio, from back before any such thing was labeled "viral". It's been said that this was all a put on, but I'd prefer to think it's an actual artfully crass on-air interview.



Major League: The greatest baseball movie ever? Yes. I've put the sequel out of my mind, but I hope the possible third flick will match the hilarity of one of the best '80s comedies.



"Homer at the Bat": Yes, "The Simpsons" is relevant to all aspects of life, even baseball. Here Mr. Burns recruits nine pro players to act as ringers on the Springfield nuclear power plant's softball team, with hilarious results. ("I thought I told you to trim those sideburns!") Given the MLB's waning popularity and the dominance of "The Simpsons" in our culture, it's not surprising that most of the ballplayers featured in the episode say that they're more remembered for it than their on-field accomplishments.

Talkin' Baseball (Willie, Mickey, and the Duke) @ Yahoo! Video

"Talkin' Baseball" by Terry Cashman: This song is pure nostalgia for me. The aforementioned "Simpsons" episode has a funny parody of this tune ("Talkin' Softball").



"Space: The Infinite Frontier with Harry Caray: Hey! I love everything about this sketch: Will Ferrell's crazy impersonation of the late Cubs announcer, the absurdity of the premise, Jeff Goldblum's breaking up.



Peanuts: Charlie Brown's decades long losing streak is one of the comic strip's constant sources of melancholy. If Charlie Brown is such a terrible pitcher, why don't the kids replace him? Because the whole team's lousy.

Gamechangers Ep 3: A Legend in the Booth with Hank Azaria from Hank Azaria

"Gamechangers Episode 3: A Legend in the Booth": Hank Azaria's take on fictional legendary baseball announcer Jim Brockmire is an instant classic.



The Baseball Furies: Though in retrospect this face painted, bat wielding, and pinstriped street gang from The Warriors is pretty silly, as a kid they freaked me out.



Larry David as George Steinbrenner: I resolved to include just one baseball-related aspect of "Seinfeld" and the relationship between George Costanza and "Big Stein" won out. Sorry, Keith Hernandez.



"George F. Will's Sports Machine": "Throw the ball, George!" This sketch from SNL's heyday is definitely not piffle.



"Fanatic of the B-Word" - De La Soul: "Come on and do the baseball." HOW?! Dance songs are supposed to explicitly tell you how to do the damn dance. Still, the Prince Paul-produced beat's killer.



"The World Series Defense": I'm including this episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" because it's a correct representation of Philly sports fans' obnoxious behavior.

"See? Billy Idol gets it.": nine '80s movies made after the '80s

The much-hyped and awesomely-titled Hot Tub Time Machine hits theaters today. When I first heard about it, I just grinned a little. As the marketing ramped up, though, the trailers and TV spots got progressively funnier. I'm hoping to catch the flick this weekend, but if I can't, I can always pop one of these Me Decade-set movies into my VCR.



The Wedding Singer: Of all the '80s-set movies filmed in the decades that came afterwards, this one is the most blatant "Hey, it's the '80s!" of the lot. But it's still pretty charming, so I give it a pass.



Wet Hot American Summer: This hilarious homage to the once popular summer camp sex comedy genre really nails the look and feel of 1981. Did I mention it's hilarious?



American Psycho: Not only do you get a mindfrick of a serial killer movie, but you also get a treatise on the importance of Huey Lewis!



The House of the Devil: If you didn't know better, you'd think that this "Satanic Panic" film was a product of the VHS age. Director Ti West really got the look and feel of '80s horror films down here.



24 Hour Party People: Though it doesn't take place entirely in the '80s, we needed a movie that documented Factory Records and the Madchester scene. Luckily, we got a damn fine one.



Miracle: The excitement! The glory! The plaid pants!



The Lives of Others: Man, communism must've really sucked.



Watchmen: In an alternate universe 1985, Nixon's still president, costumed vigilantes are outlawed, and we're on the verge of nuclear war. But at least there are copious amounts of big, blue dong.



New Jack City: Remember Crack? And Judd Nelson?

Oh, what a tangled web: 13 of my favorite spider things

My beloved Richmond Spiders had a stellar season and were rewarded with a March Madness at large bid on Sunday. The mighty No. 7 seed takes on the fearsome Saint Mary's Gaels this afternoon. To commemorate this historic meeting of a couple of basketball powerhouses, I present 13 of my favorite non-UR related (more or less) Spider things:



The Cure - "Lullaby": "The spiderman is having me for dinner tonight!" This single from Disintegration (along with three others, collected to form the Integration set) has the distinction of being the first CD that I ever purchased. Man, what a great album.



Spider-man: Back in my comic collecting days, Spider-man was the cornerstone of my reading. I eagerly consumed The Amazing Spider-Man, The Spectacular Spider-Man, Spider-Man, and any other cross-over titles Peter Parker appeared in each month. If collecting hadn't gotten so damn expensive, I would probably still buy the Spidey's funny books today.



Spider-man 2: Quite simply, one of the best comic book movies ever made. No offense, Ghost Rider.



My tattoo: Yes, I love my alma mater so much that in 2003 while on law school spring break in New Orleans I got a spider and crest tattoo on my leg. I'm so bad-ass.



Wacky Wall Walkers: Sure, after about 15 minutes they'd be covered in lint and carpet fuzz, but they sure were fun to play with in the meantime. (Octopus, spider, whatever. It had a bunch of legs.)



The Giant Spider Invasion: This ranks among my favorite episodes of "Mystery Science Theater 3000", in large part because of the copious amounts of jokes at the expense of Midwestern rednecks. The sight of what looks like a parade float run amuck terrorizing a small town is a real howler. (Watch it here.)



No Doubt - "Spiderwebs": The best song No Doubt ever recorded? Yes. And I shred on it in Rock Band.



Shelob: It may not be the best scene in the epic Lord of the Rings saga, but hey, it's got a freakin' giant spider in it.



WebCrawler: Ah, nostalgia for those internet boom days, when my life held so much promise.



The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars: "Ziggy Stardust" and "Suffragette City". 'Nuff said.



Katie Melua - "Spider's Web": I like her and this song. Sue me.



Halloween: Though not solely dedicated to spiders, the most wonderful time of the year feels odd if it isn't covered in spider webs.



Kevin Smith's Superman movie story: In which a producer mandated that he put a giant mechanical spider in the film. Hilarious.

"And I let the bullet flyyyyyyyyyyyy": five Peter Gabriel songs I'd sing if I were on "American Idol"

This week saw the domestic release of Scratch My Back, Peter Gabriel's album of well-chosen covers. Though I dig it, so far it's received mixed reviews. But then, Gabriel is one of my all-time favorite artists AND I'm a sucker for a good reinterpretation of another's work. It's virtually impossible for me not to enjoy the album.

I'm also vaguely aware of a television program called "American Idol". I don't watch the show, as it's just not my thing. With the exception of Christina Aguilera (in small doses), I just can't take the one-hand-on-the-ear "oversinging" style that so many contestants adopt. Not that I can sing myself. My many attempts to do so on Rock Band have made that abundantly clear. But pretend for a second that I do have actual singing talent, the will to endure the Byzantine auditioning process, and an actual interest in this glorified karaoke contest. Here are the five Peter Gabriel songs that I'd choose to cover on the show:



1. "Sledgehammer": Well, this being a mainstream TV show, you've got to go with the hits. It was either this or "In Your Eyes". As much as I'd like to unleash my inner Lloyd Dobler, the uptempo, double entendre-filled number gets the edge. Ladies, commence swooning.



2. "Family Snapshot": As we all know, the very definition of an "American Idol" crowd-pleaser is a song about the assassination of a political figure. And would you look at that? Gabriel has a multi-part one about the killing of George Wallace. There won't be a dry eye in the house.



3. "Intruder": Just to creep the audience out.



4. "Moribund the Burgermeister": An odd little theatrical song from back when Gabriel wore his prog rock roots on his sleeve, this has always been one of my favorite songs of his. If I could manage to replicate Gabriel's sweet moves, I'd surely win the crowd over.



5. "Come Talk to Me": Culled from an album about relationships, Peter Gabriel wrote this about the growing gulf between he and his daughter. I'd much rather belt this tune out than something like "Butterfly Kisses". I think Simon would appreciate that.

Song to get you through the weekend: "Step On" by Happy Mondays

(link)

Four reasons why I chose "Step On" by Happy Mondays:

1) I'm in the middle of a '90s kick.
2) I love all things Madchester.
3) This song's got a killer bassline and beat.
4) For no apparent reason other than to make my nephew laugh, last night at Food Lion I was dancing like Bez does in the video.

"We're sending our love down the well": 8 charity song parodies

The new Haiti-benefiting version of "We Are the World" and its accompanying video premiered several days ago and, as you can imagine, it's pretty freakin' terrible. AutoTune? Really? Good intentions aside, the original song is pure fromage and this update doesn't make it any better. Perusing the list of participants made me feel old. Who are these people? Justin Bieber? Trey Songz? Barbara Streisand?

The 1985 original gave the nation a collective warm fuzzy, but now it's kind of hard to take these songs seriously, due in large part because of all of the benefit song parodies that sprang up in the wake of "Don't They Know It's Christmas" and "We Are the World". Here are some of the best:



Pulp: "Bad Cover Version" - Perhaps my favorite skewering of the charity song paradigm, Britpop legends Pulp decided to pay tribute to themselves by bringing in a who's who of rock and pop luminaries (via look- and sound-alikes) for the hilarious video of their excellent 2002 single. They totally nail the "hey, we're having fun in the studio!" wankery that's usually shown in their more serious counterparts. And I never tire of a good Tom Jones impersonation.



"The Simpsons": "We're Sending Our Love Down a Well" - Bart's "there's a boy trapped in a well" prank goes awry when he actually gets stuck in one and Springfield's celebs (and Sting!) are there to "raise awareness". Pointing out the absurd futility of benefit songs? The Simpsons did it.



"30 Rock": "Kidney Now!" - In an effort to find a matching kidney donor for his newly discovered biological father, Jack Donaghy arranges a surprisingly hip group of musicians (including Declan McManus, international art thief) for "Kidney Now!". For pure lyrical content, this song tops the list. And Sheryl Crow got paid!



"Weird Al" Yankovic: "Don't Download This Song" - In 2006 cultural/food commentator "Weird Al" Yankovic shed a light on the guilt tripping and shortsightedness of the music industry ("Don't download this song or you'll burn in hell before too long") while simultaneously exposing the ridiculousness of a group of multimillionaires making an empty gesture for charity. And, as with most of his satirical songs, he was right on point.



Comedy Death-Ray Xmas Nativity Choir: "Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Last year the geniuses behind Comedy Death-Ray assembled a who's who of left coast comedians to record a riff on "Don't They Know It's Christmas" to benefit, well, Comedy Death-Ray. This song's got one of the best lines to go balls out and oversing (ironically, of course) and Chris Hardwick totally nails Bono's original "tonight thank God it's them instead of yoooooou".

Upright Citizens Brigade- Little Donny Part Three - watch more funny videos

"Upright Citizens Brigade": "Little Donny Aid"
There's an unfortunate epidemic amongst our youth: little boys unaware of their freakishly enormous penises. Thankfully, the Upright Citizens Brigade created an episode-long sketch to bring this problem to our attention.



Tonto, Tarzan, and Frankenstein: "We Are World" - "There choice we make/Saving own lives/To make bright day, you, me."



Coldplay: "Zombaid" - Though we never actually see the benefit song performed, Chris Martin and John Buckland of Coldplay very briefly appear in the superb zom-rom-com Shaun of the Dead to promote their cause. I'm glad that after the zombie apocalypse - and mark my words: there will be a zombie apocalypse - there will still be an outlet for celebs to show their generosity. And I still want one of these t-shirts.