Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Ask Professor Micah

It's been a while since I've run this feature, so why not do it again?

You know the drill: Go ahead. Ask me anything. I'll try to answer honestly and to the best of my knowledge*. My personal happenings/history, relationship advice, grooming tips, financial help, sports predictions, entertainment recommendations, Illuminati conspiracies - anything is fair game.

Just ask your questions in the comment section and I'll respond in kind. I'll keep answering in this post as long as it remains on the front page of the blog.

*No Googling.

9 comments:

srah said...

Question. Where can I put my terrarium?

Micah said...

I'm glad you asked. Based on my years of Latin (grades 7-10), I know that "terra" means "earth." Ergo, you should put your terrarium on Earth.

The Dubin said...

Here's my question: Why should I watch college basketball when it's so predictable? Here's how it goes: Underdog comes out swinging, and at the end of the firt half, they're always up by 1, not 2, not 3...just 1. Then in the second half, the favorite slowly chips away at the underdog and ends up winning by 13...not 12, not 14, not 7...always by 13. Why?

Micah said...

Hmmmm...let's see if I can help you out. The blame for the predicitbility of college basketball lies squarely on the shoulders of one man: Dick Vitale. You see, he is an unabashed champion of the power conferences and, when calling a game, is relatively reserved during the first half. But as the second half starts with his favored team losing, he becomes significantly more worked up - almost to the point of swallowing his tongue. His louder voice emits electrical signals. These "vibes" that he sends out activates chips in the brains of all players who play for the Big Schools (they are actually implanted in a secret facility at Duke). The chips then stimulate the muscles and brain, increasing the athleticism and strategical prowess of the players to the point of besting their opponents. But they are programmed to keep the score close, so as to continue their ruse.

You keep watching because, occasionally, the chips short circuit and a 15 seed beats a 2 seed. An event like this gives you just enough hope that it can happen again.

The Dubin said...

Thanks! I always thought Dickie V lost all his hair because he spends so much time with his head up Mike Krzejgdyeh^$*#ewski's ass...you know, that being a hostile microenvironment for the growth of hair.

simply reg said...

I want my hair back. Tell me how I can do that.

jasdye said...

when will the office jump the shark?

Micah said...

Reg - Unfortunately, male pattern baldness is irreversible, contrary to what the Rogaine Corporation will tell you. In times like these, I like to turn to the comforting and encouraging words of George Costanza: "Live, dammit. Live every precious moment as if this was the last year of your life. Because in many ways...it is."

jasdye - While the show has not literally "jumped the shark" as Fonzie did in both "Happy Days" and "Arrested Development", there has been a noticeable decline in quality of the show in this fourth season. The show is still very funny and I have faith it will continue to be so, but I would be weary of them introducing a new regular character: Dwight's cousin Ishmail, a cute yet streetwise pre-teen with the adorable catchphrase, "Later, tater!"

spydrz said...

Since Dubin mentioned him, how do they get "Shishevski" out of Krizewski?