Happy Veterans Day

Veterans, I honor you for your service and thank you for giving me the day off from work.

Linden Boulevard, represent represent

Well, my music geek list lost by 3 votes in Round 3 of the game. I expected as much, since I was up against a lot of classic albums (most of which I like/love - including my all-time fave Beatles album, Revolver). Many thanks to all of y'all that lurked, but didn't vote. :)

Crush of the Week: Charlotte Church

This week's Crush is Welsh singer (formerly classical, now tarted up pop) Charlotte Church. I'm not familiar with her music, but she is quite easy on the eyes.


Singers should have good lung capacity.

Now, I realize I'm treading on Creepy Old Man territory here, but my rule of thumb is if a woman is on the cover of GQ, she's fair game. The animated GIF that originally piqued my interest is here (let it load, folks). I love classical music!

You can wear my clothes

Quite unexpectedly, my music geek list has made it to Round 3 (by one vote). I'm up against some heavy competition. This may get ugly.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• Jack Nicklaus (along with Muhammad Ali, Aretha Franklin, and others) recieved the Presidential Medal of Freedom today. Way to go, Golden Bear.
  
• You can make your own joke about the man glued to a Home Depot toilet seat (although his case may be in the crapper).
  
• Speaking of toilets, there's not much more I can add about the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who had sex with each other in the can. Just glancing at their mug shots: the blonde's cute; the other, not so much. And it would've been a funnier story if two football players were making sweet, sweet love in the men's room.
  
• When suspended football player and multimillionaire Terrell Owens ordered a pizza, delivery man James McDevitt left his $5 tip at the front door because TO "needs to feed his family." Sarcastic comedy is alive and well in Philly.
  
• Even though there wasn't a sports championship victory or loss, Islamic youths continue to throw Grey Goose molotov cocktails at LeCars, forcing the socialist cheese-eating surrender monkeys to tighten their grip and surrender harder. "Haw haw haw, Lt. Steve." "Ha ha ha, Frenchy."

"Beets suck. You should grow something everyone likes. Grow candy."

If you're not watching "The Office", you're a sucka. I'd say it is easily my favorite show this season (keep in mind "Scrubs" and "24" have not yet aired) and is even better than it was in its first season.

A quote from last week's episode: "I come from a long line of fighters, my maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp... My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life... different kind of fight."

Classic.

This bed is on fire with passion and love

My album picks made it to Round 2. I think it was the inclusion of Laid* by James that swayed it for me, based on some of the comments. Truly a classic.

*The title track has one of the funniest radio edits ever. "She only comes when she's on top" is turned into "She only hums when she's on top." What the heck is that supposed to mean?

Throw the bums out

There's nothing quite like Election Day. And this time it's personal. As you may know, I am greatly opposed to smoking bans. Well, today a couple of the city council members who voted to restrict private property rights in my city are up for re-election. No vote for you! Next!

Also, I urge Ohio votes to nix Issues 2-5.

EDIT: It appears that even though I have a Worthington mailing address, I actually live in Perry Township. So I get no say in the City Council. Rest assured, I'm sending mental "no votes" to the pro-smoking ban candidates.

Yet another reason why I want Hef's job

The latest issue of Playboy arrived in the mail today and this month's Playmate (Christine Smith) - Wow. Just wow. I approve.



Yarr, she'll keep my men from resorting to homosexuality...for about 10 minutes.

The height of music geekery

There's a game being played on an internet forum that I spend way too much time on. It's sort of a fantasy league for music geeks where each player "drafts" ten albums and then competes to see who has the best album collection. Yeah, I told you it was geeky (but no geekier than fantasy sports). Anyway, here is my roster:

1. Velvet Underground: Peel Slowly and See [box set]
2. Beastie Boys: Paul's Boutique
3. The Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots (Deluxe CD+DVD)
4. Matthew Sweet: Girlfriend
5. The Cure: Disintegration
6. Pulp: Different Class
7. A Tribe Called Quest: Midnight Marauders
8. The Postal Service: Give Up
9. Helmet: Meantime
10. James: Laid

Some albums that I really wanted (Revolver, Skylarking, Stone Roses' debut, etc.) were drafted before I could pick them, but I think I made some good selections. So, if you wanna help a brother out, you can go to the game and vote for me (I'm "DJLinus" in Round 5).

When drink's in, wit's out

I'm not falling for the hysteria, but all this talk of the bird flu has got me thinking. So, in the event that I succumb to the virus, I share with you a couple of funeral arrangements that I want made:

• There has to be a bagpiper playing "Amazing Grace." Maybe another song or two, but that hymn's the biggie.
  
• I want someone to sing Warren Zevon's "Keep Me In Your Heart". Don't care who. Just somebody.
  
• Most importantly, I want my funeral to be a PARTY. Eat some good food, drink some fine adult beverages. Maybe break out the Trivial Pursuit. Just have fun.

So, y'all have been put on notice. And if the above isn't carried out, I'll haunt each and every one of you from beyond the grave.

Please forgive the morbid thoughts. You can pin it on the fact that, as a cost cutting measure, I've been eating literally the same damn food for the past two weeks: a cheap microwaveable meal and a couple of spoonfuls of peanut butter for lunch, grilled cheese sandwiches (and maybe some soup) for dinner. It's amazingly inexpensive, but grows quite old very quickly.

Clever title, huh? Serious subject matter, a Scottish proverb, and I'm currently drinking several wee drams of single malt Scotch. It works on so many levels.

Well played

Just for Dubin: I switched on the Michigan State-Purdon't game just as MSU forced a fumble and ran it back for a touchdown. Nice.

On a another note, we'll see if Ohio State can cover the 34 point spread over Illinois today. That's a huge line, but this is the Buckeyes we're talking about. I'll be holding my breath until the clock runs out.

65 tons of American pride

Okay, maybe I was a bit hasty in writing off SUVs. I mean, who doesn't want one of these:


Endorsed by Krusty.

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive,
Smells like a steak, and seats thirty five?
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down
It's the country-fried truck endorsed by a clown
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Hey, hey!
Twelve yards long, two lanes wide,
Sixty five tons of American pride!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
Top of the line in utility sports,
Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!
Canyonero! Canyonero!
She blinds everybody with her super high beams
She's a squirrel-squashin', deer-smackin' drivin' machine
Canyonero! Canyonero! Canyonero!
Whoa, Canyonero! Whoa!

Snag the song here.

Tonight I drink

Got a good thing going with a drinking problem
I buy the first round with a smile
I talk to myself like I like me
And blame myself after a while
-Gerald Collier, "To Break the Ice"

I'm not in the greatest of moods today, so I'm just going to take out the trash, do the laundry, and drink heavily. Maybe I'll watch Coyote Ugly or something. Blog amongst yourselves.

The jingle jangle has begun

For those wanting a 24 hour Christmas music fix, look no further than the internet arm of a Columbus radio station that plays "music the whole office can agree on" (shoot me). Peep it here.

Today I saw the first Holiday commercial of the season: 27 Christmas Classics by Cristy Lane. I think I'll hold off on that one.

Crush of the Week: Ryan Michelle Bathe

This week's Crush is actress Ryan Michelle Bathe from "Boston Legal". She's new to the show and the producers don't give her too much to do, but damn if she isn't cute.



I had another woman lined up to be this week's Crush, but I just watched this week's Halloween-themed "Boston Legal" and her costume was Condoleeza Rice. Yowza! That pretty much clinched it.

Re-thinking SUVs

Lately, I've been thinking of what kind of car will replace my beloved Jetta many moons from now when I choose to buy a new vehicle. The front-runner is the VW Tourag. Maybe it's the dream of having a family one day or living where snow is plentiful. Perhaps VW's marketing department are popping open champagne bottles for developing my brand loyalty. But whatever the reason, I've been leaning SUV.

Last month my car was backed into while I was visiting friends in VA. Luckily, the college kid who left the gash in my rear bumper also left a note (gotta love Southern hospitality) and his insurance company is taking care of the repairs. So, since last Wednesday I've had a rental while my car's been in the shop: a Jeep Grand Cherokee. And I HATE it. My petty list of grievances:

• The CD player can't play my CD-Rs.
  
• It is is dire need of a tune up, as there are many rattles and noises. It just doesn't feel solid.
  
• The right blinker bulb is out, so I get that annoying double-time click when I signal (which was just remedied on the Jetta - thanks Spydrz).
  
• The antenna is broken, so the radio reception is mostly crap.
  
• The gas gauge bounces all around so I don't know exactly how much is in the tank.
  
• It reeks of cigarette smoke.
  
• The thing guzzles gas faster than Tara Reid at a bar.

Really, the gas thing is annoying. Given the nature of rental car policies, I'm determined not to return it with an ounce more gas in the car than when I received it. So, it's always hovering around 1/8th of a tank in hopes that tomorrow will be the sweet, sweet day when I can get my car back (an aside: I called the body shop to get a status report and they found more extensive damage and are trying to get a supplement from the insurance company. *sigh*). I've literally been putting $5 worth of gas in the Jeep every other freakin' day. I'm at the point now where I will not leave the house unless it is to go to work, the grocery store, or the gas station. I've neglected going to the gym (bad) or frivolous media shopping (good). I'm essentially a shut-in.

It's really making me re-think the whole SUV thing. On one hand, it's expensive as crap to drive around in. On the other, I'm an American and owning an SUV is my birthright. Plus, I've got to keep up with the rest of my family - who own(ed) Range Rovers, Explorers, Jeeps, and Excursions. The only consolation is that at least I didn't get these repairs done a month ago when gas was $3.10/gallon (it was at $2.19 this morning).

Today's big laugh

I was listening to Glenn Beck's radio show on my Walkman like I do every morning and he started it by telling some of the facts behind the rape case of a former Lasalle University basketball player. The victim was at a party, sitting on the guy's lap and talking in detail about how she gave oral sex to one of his teammates. Then she did 8 or 9 shots of 99 proof alcohol, went to the kitchen and vomited in the sink. The player then went into the kitchen and started having sex with her, while another player forced her to give him post-vomit oral sex. The victim admitted to not saying "no," but maintained she was too drunk to say anything. After saying all that, Beck played the ending of "A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow" from A Mighty Wind ("...more precious than a pot of gold"). It may be wrong, but I laughed out loud at work today.

Modern courting is a beautiful and special thing.

"Why aren't you voting? You could be...in grave danger...and I can help you...as your psychic candidate."

Finally! A presidential candidate that we can all rally around - Christopher Walken*.


"Little man..."

I even thought of a great slogan: "He can pull votes out of his ass."

*Yes, I know it is a hoax.

Milk Milk v. Disgusting Candy

Hershey Co. is taking the producers of the "Milkdudz" line of breasfeeding clothes (get it?) to court over trademark infringement.

Does anyone actually eat Milk Duds anymore? If so, I feel sorry for you.