Saturday, January 22, 2005

Ohio's spirits raised

According to this press release, sales and consumption of liquor in Ohio reached a record high in 2004. The top selling liquors in the state:

1. Kamchatka Vodka
2. Jack Daniels #7 Black Label Tennessee Whiskey
3. Bacardi Light-Dry Rum
4. Jagermeister
5. Absolut Vodka
6. Black Velvet Canadian Whiskey
7. Jim Beam Straight Bourbon
8. Captain Morgan Spiced Gold
9. Korski Vodka
10. Seagrams Crown Royal

What - no Boone's? Actually, that's technically classified as a "wine," much like Ashlee Simpson's performances are considered "singing." The biggest surprise is that Jagermeister ranks #4, when it wasn't even in the top 25 in 2002. The lesson: Ohioans love doing shots. Another thing you can take away from the above list is that we dig our cheap-ass supermarket vodka.

As with the Brad and Jennifer split, I take full responsibility for the rise in alchol consumption in the Buckeye State. You see, 2004 held several alcohol-soaked events in my life:

1. Third year law school exams
2. Graduation from law school
3. Took the bar exam
4. Didn't pass the bar exam
5. Threw and attended some great parties
6. Went to Vegas a couple of times (yeah yeah, I wasn't in Ohio, but boy did I consume)

The remainder of the state's consumption probably has something to do with the Buckeye's mostly shitty football season (and their beating of Michigan) and all of the presidential race stumping. You'd drink, too, if you had to hear a well-educated northeastern Senator trying to appear folksy by saying, "can I get me a huntin' license here?" Not to mention navigating the God-awful traffic created by Bush's weekly rallies in the state.

With a little luck (and some mixers), we can make 2005 the biggest drinking year yet. After all, I will be taking the bar exam again.

(Thanks to Memmer for notifying me that we're all lushes.)

36 comments:

Captain Backfire said...

Lofty goal you've set there. Much like, say, eliminating tyranny throughout the world. But knowing that #s 1,2, and 4 aren't going to repeat themselves in '05 (Joe--ever the optimist), how do you plan to do your part to make that consumption up?

And where's Kamchatka's press release touting "We're #1!"

Micah said...

Four words: 30th Birthday in Vegas. This time I'm going to make sure that I'm not the only one in our party that drinks/makes an ass of himself.

I don't think the good folks at Kamchatka know what a press release is.

Captain Backfire said...

Fine...I'll have a big-ass girly drink at the impossible-to-find Mexican restaurant in the Venetian, too.

But didn't I kind of make an ass of myself at OG? (Dirty schoolgirl, you took my money and broke my heart. Never again.)

Micah said...

Sounds like a plan. Plus, there's all the free drinks in the gaming areas. Just plant yourself at the nickel slots (where Shamrock made his last big score, I might add) and keep 'em coming.

And she wasn't the girl for you.

spydrz said...

Don't forget the endless supply of PBR for Shamrock.

Mindy said...

Micah I think you should just give up on this bar thing and go out and become a casino host in vegas...come on you know it's what you really want...

Micah said...

That's what I've been trying to tell you folks for three years now. Screw this law crap. I'd love to be a pit boss or something. Head buffet chef. Or strip club lawyer (if I do have to enter the profession).

spydrz said...

Head buffet chef at Binion's?

KPMD said...

I'll have you know that is NOT where Shamrock made his last score ;) I'm looking forward to the next Vegas trip (one that I'm aloud to go on). I've been training (Bourbon and Pills thrice daily) and I'm pretty sure I can drink all of you under that table.

It truly saddens me that Jagermeister is so widely loved in Ohio. Ohio needs a hobby, other than drinking that is.

Micah said...

You couldn't pay me to go back to Binion's. Okay, actually you could. But their buffet is absolutely disgusting.

I should clarify: Phil's last GOOD score was in Vegas. Don't know if you'll be invited, KPMD. You know what Dean-o says: "A wife in Vegas/Take my advice/It's like going to China/with a sack of rice." One does not dare defy Dean Martin. Although you probably would get us some strip club love.

There's other stuff to do in Ohio. We like cows. And if there wasn't a lockout, you can see some really crappy hockey.

spydrz said...

LV in August...hmmm...I already have to be in Tuscaloosa in August for a wedding...are there direct flights from Birmingham to Nevada?

KPMD said...

Nice, real nice. I consider myself far better than say, a piece of wood, for example. As much respect as I have for Dean Martin (reference my comment on Pop Culture terrorists), when he wrote that song - wives still wore pearls when cleaning the house. I still wear pearls, I just don't clean the house.

Captain Backfire said...

Okay, the Vegas talk has forced me to break out The Rat Pack's "Live and Swingin'".

Dino: "You know how to make a Fruit Cordial?"
Frank: "Be nice to him, or something..."
Dino: "Yeah, that's it."

PBR, Robert, and $5 blackjack tables. Does it get any better? Didn't think so.

spydrz said...

The line in the song about Khruschev being indignant does speak to the age of that classic.

Micah said...

spydrz - you're in better shape than Shamrock. When this little idea hatched, we joked that his flight from London to Vegas (and back) would allow him only an hour or two to stay.

KPMD - Pearl necklace. Heh heh. You really think you can hang with us playas? Because we're money.

16:9 - Why am I having visions of you blaring that CD on your boat "Stugats"?

spydrz said...

Why not Micah's 30th in AC? It's south Jersey!

Captain Backfire said...

Not on the boat today, but on a related note, I've decided that the only thing missing from Vegas '04 was pinkie rinks. I think they need to be obligatory for your 30th. Toe rings are not acceptable substitutes.
And KPMD can't just move her ice from one finger to the next. Doesn't count.
And spydrz, does Tuscaloosa even have an airport? You might need to hitch across America. Hope you've read The Book.

Christy said...

You know, the "stripper lawyer" thing is not an unrealistic idea. I have a prof who works for "adult clients" as she likes to put it. She basically does work for the porn industry.

spydrz said...

Not sure about an airport of note in T-town, but Birmingham is within an hour's drive. I'm sure there's something for the students there though--Roll Tide!

Micah said...

I think my 30th is too monumental of an event to be held in AC.

16:9 - That actually sounds pretty cool. One of my good friends up here planned on getting some of us pinky rings - with a griffin on them (which is what Frank gave his friends). It was too cost prohibitive, though. I'll have to look into it. Then we really would be money.

spydrz said...

My name is....Pea...Tear.....Griffin.

Micah said...

Christy - My brother joked that I'd be a lawyer for the porn industry. Hmmm. I've already memorized the cambria list. :)

KPMD said...

You ARE so money, baby. And you don't even know it. VEGAS is money. I, too, am money. Mad, mad money, my friends.

Captain Backfire said...

Micah, you can't represent the industry. You need to fight for the rights of the *talent*. Ensure they are well-treated and not exploited. Procure favorable contracts for them. And also make sure they get hazard pay for DVDA, of course.

Micah said...

16:9 - HA! I'm sure I could make quite a living by just filing restraining orders.

trisha said...

Man, I was sure I would find McMasters on that list, as much as my grandmother drinks.

The Law Fairy said...

I know my own personal drinking reached a record high when I started law school. So far I've gotten drunk two times since classes started again three weeks ago. Being a 3L rocks.

Vegas would be a really interesting place to practice law. I think it would be cool to sue on behalf of gambling addicts. Those big casinos are like whole worlds -- it's totally easy to get lost inside of them, and there are slot machines EVERYWHERE (payout ratio 1:9). How wrong is that?

God. I *am* gonna be one of those lawyers my dad hates.

Mistake on the Lake said...

Just wanted to add another reason for Ohio's impressive consumption. The state was divided into quadrants, and Cleveland totally outdrank the rest of the state. I think this may have something to do with Dennis Kucinich's district, cause you'd have to be drunk to reelect him as your representative.

Micah said...

trisha - Tell your grandmother to drink even more and maybe that'll make the list next year.

Law Fairy - Sing it, sister. I drank more in my first semester of law school than I did during all of undergrad (although, I really didn't drink much then). Unlike you, I'd represent the casinos. Who's going to pay you more: the MGM Grand or your average gambler? I've considered moving out there. I'm actually going to send my MPRE scores to Nevada. You never know what the future holds...

Mistake: You're 1) an Ohioan, 2) a Clevelandite, and 3) a law school grad. You must have alcohol pumping through your blood constantly.

Meredith Kay said...

I wonder what the list for Pittsburgh would look like... Land of heavy drinkers.

And do you really breakdance?

-- MK

Mindy said...

hahaha MICAH breakdance? hahaha

Micah said...

Meredith - Heh heh, no I don't breakdance. I was ripping off a Far Side cartoon ("George Washington: Founding Father, Patriot, Breakdancer").

But I do dig the artform.

Kate The Great said...

-ears perking up- Vegas? Did somebody say Vegas?

I can have my bags packed in half an hour.

Seriously, about the drinking list. As a former "professional" drinker, it saddens me to see that one of my Three Wise Men is not on the list. Jose and I spent a lot of time together. Then we broke up and I moved on to Mark. Makers Mark.

Now that I'm back on the imbibing circuit, I have to say, there's nothing like a good bourbon.

Micah said...

KTG - Play your cards right... :)

And if it's any consolation, Maker's Mark is my preferred brand. We're not all cheap bastards here in the Buckeye State.

Kristen said...

Hmmm...a story idea! You might read about this Thursday...

Micah said...

So I beat The Other Paper to a story? Cool!