Recently I've been trying to whittle down my Archives (a.k.a. HUGE stacks of magazines that have piled up in my office) and came across this little nugget in an old issue of Esquire:
Things a Man Should Never Do Past the Age of 30
"Once it hits your lips it's so good."
Bring his mitt to a professional baseball game. * Turn boxers inside out and wear them for two more days. * TIVO "Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County." * Use Dial soap as shampoo. * Yell, "Run, Forrest, Run!" at someone in the airport trying to catch his plane. * Eat cereal endorsed by a cartoon character. * Channel Frank the Tank. * Put his face between a woman's breasts and make a gurgling motorboat sound. * Use a crunk song for his cell phone ring. * Googlewhack. * Refer to either his friends or his testes as "my boys." * Refer to his "boys" as "Chang and Eng." * Devise secret handshakes. * Use sports metaphors for sex. * Use sex metaphors for sports. * Refer to Latina women as mamasitas. * Dry hump. * Have a welcome mat in front of his home that says, "Fuck Off." * Watch past the end credits for the Adam Sandler "gag reel." * Order Long Island iced teas. * Teach foreign speakers that the way to ask for directions in English is "Will you tickle my man snake?" * Drink beer out of a helmet. * Wear a T-shirt with a rhino on it that says, "I'm Horny." * Let a magazine tell him he's too old to do dumb shit."
Well, damn. There's no way I'm giving up my Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch.
Shifting gears, has anyone picked up the new Kanye West CD? My level of interest in it skyrocketed when I found out that Jon Brion (composer of the Eternal Sunshine and Huckabees movie scores, as well as producer for Amiee Mann and Fiona Apple) co-produced the album. How the hell did those two get together?
(I think I'm putting the Free Music Tuesday thing on hold for a while. Aside from THSE, there doesn't seem to be any interest in it.)