You're probably tired of me seemingly always pimping Patton Oswalt, so I'll pimp someone else: columnist/author Chuck Klosterman. Right now I'm on a total CK kick: I just read his Fargo Rock City and am going to pick up his new one - Killing Yourself to Live - from the library tomorrow. The following is a passage from the former:
Still we somehow managed to use a band's songs and videos - and more importantly, a band's social posture - to get an image of what kind of women they preferred (or appeared to prefer)...Here's a list of what type of girls the premier metal groups liked (or at least seemed to like)...
GUNS N' ROSES: Bisexual models; submissive women; girls who would buy them booze.
MOTLEY CRUE: Strippers; women who have sex in public (particularly elevators); lesbians.
RATT: Hookers with a heart of gold. Or strippers with a heart of gold. Or thirteen-year-olds.
WARRANT: Virgins who exhibited the potential to become nymphomaniacs.
DEF LEPPARD: Drunk girls; female vampires.
THE CULT: Female vampires only.
FASTER PUSSYCAT: GNR rejects.
W.A.S.P.: Magician's assistants; women with rape fantasies; lower primates.
AEROSMITH: Models, but not waifs; high school snobs; more girls who like having sex in elevators.
TESLA: Farm girls; whoever they used to date in junior high.
SKID ROW: Nameless, faceless, top-heavy sex machines (with hearts of gold).
BULLETBOYS: Girls with particularly deep birth canals.
L.A. GUNS: Drug-addled hitchhikers who like rough sex.
BANG TANGO: Faster Pussycat rejects.
VAN HALEN: Party girls; bikini models; the homecoming queen; cast members of "One Day at a Time."
DAVID LEE ROTH (solo): The same as Van Halen, except with bigger boobs.
BON JOVI: The girl next door.
VINNIE VINCENT INVASION: The dominatrix next door.
SLAUGHTER: Girls who couldn't make the cut as Bon Jovi groupies.
WINGER: Whoever Bon Jovi groupies used to baby-sit.
POISON: Girls who liked to tease; girls from small towns; good girls gone bad.
KISS: Any girl who wasn't dead.
IRON MAIDEN: Dead girls.
JUDAS PRIEST: Boys.
METALLICA: None of the above.
Really, he's the only reason I keep my subscription to Spin.