Monday, May 16, 2005

Star Wars Week

Doubtful that you've heard the news but there's a new Star Wars flick being released on Wednesday. To honor it, I've proclaimed this Star Wars Week at Micah World. To kick things off, here's a classic exchange from Clerks:

Randal: What did you like better? Jedi or The Empire Strikes Back?
Dante: Empire.
Randal: Blasphemy.
Dante: Empire had the better ending. I mean, Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader's his father, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what if is: a series of down endings. All Jedi had was a bunch of Muppets.
Randal: There was something else going on in Jedi. I never noticed it 'til today. They build another Death Star, right?
Dante: Yeah.
Randal: The first one was completed and fully operational before the rebels destroyed it.
Dante: Luke blew it up. Give credit where credit's due.
Randal: The second one was still being built when they blew it up.
Dante: Compliments of Lando Calrissian.
Randal: Something just never sat right with me that second time around. I could never put my finger on it. Something just wasn't right.
Dante: And you figured it out.
Randal: The first Death Star was manned by the Imperial Army. The only people on board were Storm Troopers, dignitaries, Imperialists.
Dante: Basically.
Randal: So when they blew it up, no problem. Evil's punished.
Dante: And the second time around?
Randal: The second time around it wasn't even done being built yet. It was still under construction.
Dante: So?
Randal: So a construction job of that magnitude would require a hell of a lot more manpower than the Imperial Army had to offer. I'll bet they brought independent contractors in on that thing. Plumbers, aluminum siders, roofers...
Dante: Not just Imperialists. Is that what you're getting at?
Randal: Exactly. In order to get it built quickly and quietly they'd hire anybody that could do the job. Think the average Storm Trooper knows how to install a toilet main? All's they know is killing and white uniforms.
Dante: All right. So they bring in independent contractors. Why are you so upset at its destruction?
Randal: All those innocent contractors brought in to do the job were killed. Casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look. You're a roofer. Some juicy government contract comes your way. You got a wife and kids, the two-story in suburbia. This is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. Along come these left wing militants who blast everything within a three mile radius with their lasers. You didn't ask for that. You had no personal politics. You're just trying to scrape out a living.


spydrz said...

What a great exchange! Empire was by far the best of the series, including Attack of the Groans.

Hasselback said...

And I get to see the new movie 15+ hours before you "mainlanders."


Micah said...

Laugh it up, fuzzball.

Kate The Great said...

Snoochie booches. It's amazing what Kevin Smith has done for the modern movie. I'm partial to Dogma but Chasing Amy was pretty damn good. But that chick Joey Lauren Adams has a voice like nails on a chalk board.

Kate The Great said...

PS. Check out this site.

I am "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back."