1) Doug Benson on VH1's "Best Week Ever": "Paris Hilton is engaged to a guy named Paris. In related news, I'm in love with a lady named Doug." (you really need to hear his delivery of the line)
2) On the "Super Dogs! Super Jocks!" episode of "Cheap Seats" (like an inferior MST3K for odd sports clips), the interviewer in the clip says, "you know, as a former football player myself, just in college..." and one of the guys continues: "It wasn't a major college. D3. D4, really. Actually it was JuCo. Not even, it was a league. Well, not a league, just a group of guys that got together. It was flag football. I was 10. 11, maybe. And it wasn't football. It was kickball. I used to go with my dad. Well, I went alone. He dropped me off. My parents were divorced. My mom worked three jobs. I get sad when I see parents hugging their kids. But enough about me. Nice frisbee toss."