Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Hump Day News Round-Up

  • Along with his mother, a disabled teen was ejected from a showing of The Pink Panther for laughing too loudly. They have sought the ACLU's help in the matter. I dunno...I'm going to have to call bullshit on this suit. NO ONE laughs during the remake of that movie, disorder or not.
  • A Sudanese man caught having sex with a goat has been forced to marry the animal. I don't care that it's PC to label the Sudan a "developing nation" - this story chalks up one point in the "third world" column.
  • Researchers have found that ethnicity determines what kind of earwax one has. For instance, white people have really lame earwax.
  • A 480 lb. woman (4'10"!) died after spending six years on a couch, her skin grafted to the fabric. Personally, I'd probably think after year one or two "Hey, I'm putting on a few too many el beez. Maybe I should switch to whole wheat Fig Newtons." But that's just me.
  • Americans know more about "The Simpsons" than the First Amendment. A sad commentary on our society, sure. But I don't devote at least an hour of each day to following the exploits of the Bill of Rights.


The Law Fairy said...

I think you're wrong about the Sudan. Here, we're not progressive enough to let two *people* marry if they're the same gender -- Sudan lets you marry animals! Geez, they must have, like, 50 years on us or something.

Someday, perhaps the bestialists in America, too, can have government-sanctioned true happiness.

Micah said...

Good point. Maybe one day - one day - when I exclaim "I love peanut butter" and somebody retorts "why don't you marry it", I will be legally allowed to act on that zinger.

(BTW, extra points for using my current favorite codeword - "progressive")

Kate The Great said...

Surely you heard about the 110 lb. woman who had her skin grafted to the stripper pole, right?

Seriously. That story is just foul.

Micah said...

I wonder how one would get grafted to a stripper pole.

And, yes, that story is quite disturbing.

Kate said...

Thy make whole wheat Fig Newtons now? :/

Micah said...

Yes, they do. Okay, they are "whole grain" rather than "whole wheat" - not sure what the difference is. But they are good.