Thursday, March 16, 2006

New rules

I admit it. I love watching "Real Time with Bill Maher" every week. Sure, the panels usually go the "gang up on the conservative" route and Bill's tirades against religion get old, but I still enjoy it. And the best part are his "New Rules". Some choice ones from last week's episode:

New Rule: Until one of the winners of "America's Next Top Model" gets an actual modeling job, they can't use the name, "Top Model." These women seem nice, but they're not "top models," because they aren't breathtaking beauties, Eastern European or 12. So let's call the show what it actually is: "A Bunch of 9's Taking Shit From Tyra Banks."

New Rule: I'm sorry you got beaten up by Yanni, but when you roll with a brother this motherfuckin' hardcore, you can't call 5-0 when he plays a little rough.

New Rule: The only drug sold at Wal-Mart should be pot in the parking lot. Wal-Mart has announced that they will now dispense the "morning-after" contraceptive pill, because nothing says to a young lady, "I really care," like a trip to Wal-Mart. Besides, Wal-Mart shoppers already have access to the most effective form of birth control: watching how children behave at Wal-Mart.

New Rule: Stop saying "Brokeback Mountain" lost Best Picture because of a homosexual backlash. The only homosexual backlash in Hollywood involves an actual homosexual literally hitting you on the back with a lash. Besides, if "Brokeback Mountain" taught us anything, it's that there's nothing wrong with coming in number-two.

That last line almost had me do a spit-take with my drink.


spydrz said...

Bill Maher's still alive?

Micah said...

Yeah, but he's confined to HBO.

Law Fairy said...

BLECH, Bill Maher. He's just a hateful little man.

I love how he calls the girls on ANTM "9's." Yup, Bill Maher, I bet they're *real* hurt that they don't measure up to *your* standards.

That Yanni rule is pretty damn funny though.

Micah said...

Oh, he's very smug, but I like his show and I can separate the two. The fact that he is constantly swimming in Playmate tail makes him admirable in my book. :)

I think he has a point, though. Until one of these ladies actually does some major work, they aren't top models. Much like I don't consider winners of another talent show to be American idols until they achieve a status worthy of that term (think Prince, Madonna, Springsteen, etc.). Until then they are just some karaoke contest participants that sell some records.

Who is idolizing Fantasia?

Law Fairy said...

He definitely has a point. Reality TV is pretty retarded. But he also has no place to talk smack about the girls. I mean, he can't be more than *MAYBE* a six, on a GOOD day. And I wouldn't call him admirable, just super-rich :)

Just sayin'.

Micah said...

I see where you're coming from. I can't stand reality TV (with a few exceptions). I had to Google the winners of AI before making that last comment.

And maybe "admirable" is too strong a word. But it's nice to see someoone like him nail women that look the way they do.

I wish I had money.

Law Fairy said...

Mmmmmmmmmmmm money...

Micah said...

You'd think they would be indifferent about DSLs.