Sunday, March 05, 2006

"And the Oscar goes to...'Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo'"

"Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours" - Johnny Carson

It's finally here - Oscar Night (or as former Kid in the Hall Scott Thompson refers to it, "The Gay Superbowl"). It's time to find out what politically-charged films shunned by the general moviegoing public will take home the top honors. I predict that this will be the big winner:


Occasional MW commenter Shamrock and "friend"

To help you pass the time while you watch the red carpet arrivals, here are some goodies:

-a streaming video for one of my favorite singer-songwriter's cute lil' song "Gay Cowboy" (there was an mp3 of the song available at his site, but I can't find it now; let me know if you want it.)
-Actor and ghetto pass holder Michael Rapaport's hip-hop song "How To Rob An Actor" he made with the High & Mighty (Rapidshare link).

To answer everyone's question as to who I'm wearing, it's Adidas, Simple, and J.Crew.

Last year's chat was so much fun, it'll be hard to replicate. But we can try. So let the predictions, trash talk, and cattiness begin. We'll all be hetero in the morning.

158 comments:

Micah said...

Your gentleman caller wasn't wearing a cowboy hat, so...

Good idea on the word verification.

I'm heading to my aunt and uncle's now and then will be eating, so it'll be a while before I next chime in. But I'll be sure to catch up.

spydrz said...

Yay! No comment verification. Good call, CB.
I'll be enjoying the DOG marathon on A&E since we all know what movie will be picked to win everything.

spydrz said...

By the way, I'm pretty sure it's spelled "gigolo."

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/gigolo

spydrz said...

While we're waiting, there are multiple reruns of "24" on. I've developed a new drinking game based on that show. Every time the word "protocol" is used, drink.

spydrz said...

Welcome to the Philthydelphia contingent!

spydrz said...

LL Bean, Nordstrom Jeans, socks. Sammy "Black Lager."

spydrz said...

Will the bus jump UP?

spydrz said...

As long as Kim Bauer's involved, count me in.

Micah said...

Hey, bitches. I'm in.

KPMD, so nice to see your return. Don't be a stranger around here on March 6.

There's only one word to describe my emotions right now: giddy.

spydrz said...

Think we'll hit 250 comments tonight?

Micah said...

I'm calling it: Steve Martin and Dave Lettermen will be the highlight.

Law Fairy said...

My prediction: Steve Martin wigs are the Next Big Thing

Micah said...

law fairy - great to have you here.

Yeah, the opening was great. Monologue...not so much.

Law Fairy said...

But you have to admit, the thing about them actually voting for a winner -- that was pretty funny

Micah said...

law fairy - WHO ARE YOU WEARING?!

CB - Or, as they say in South Park, "butt buddies".

Law Fairy said...

Micah, I'm dazzling the crowd in my Hana Sport yoga pants and a tshirt hell tank top. I even showered!!

Micah said...

These clips are getting me hot 'n' bothered.

Law Fairy said...

Best. Cowboy montage. Ever.

spydrz said...

They haven't given out any awards yet?

Micah said...

No blood for oil!

Micah said...

I want to brace y'all: I've heard that there will be two production numbers tonight. Ugh.

Micah said...

The Da Vinci Code is in the can (I think). Lose the hair, Tom (unless you're doing reshoots). He looked like that at the Grammys, too.

spydrz said...

Production numbers? So glad I'm not tuning in.

Law Fairy said...

Can Ben Stiller present every award? I just like the way he reads off the nominees

Law Fairy said...

I think I'm one for two, but I have to double check

Micah said...

Yeah, I'm 1 for 3. I figured that the Academy may feel sorry for passing over Paul G. for the past few years. Guess not.

Panthergirl said...

OK, better late than never (me)... I'm with the Law Fairy... best cowboy montage ever indeed. Hilarious.

I'm 2 for 3...

Panthergirl said...

OK, could the Wallace and Gromit guys BE ANY NERDIER?????

Law Fairy said...

er, 1 for 3. Not paying attention, but now I have my Oscar omelette ready for eatin'

spydrz said...

I didn't wrongly claim the throne. You can thank Yahoo! for that.

Law Fairy said...

Okay, I'll be the bitchy one who says it...

I get that (shudder) a country song was nominated for best song, but this is still the Oscars, NOT the CMA. Dolly, wear a freakin' DRESS!

Micah said...

I forgot about my King Kong pick. Woo-hoo!

panthergirl - It's subtle British humour. Be glad they weren't in dresses running around to "Yakety Sax".

I don't care if she's 60, I still think I'd have sexual relations with Dolly.

Law Fairy said...

yeah, 2 for 4 baby!

spydrz said...

Jon Stewart's hosting? Yet another reason I'm glad that there's a DOG marathon on.

Micah said...

I believe past years' Yahoo pools were weighted. This stupid EW one doesn't even have tie-breakers. I have a feeling that's going to make things difficult.

Micah said...

Oh, yeah: panthergirl, WHO ARE YOU WEARING?!

Law Fairy said...

I heart Will Ferrell and Steve Carell

Micah said...

Yeah, Will and Steve rule.

I'm going to see Oscar winner King Kong on Tuesday ($.50 day at the dollar theater). That's $.166666666666 of entertainment per hour.

Micah said...

I prefer Rachael as a brunette, but I'd still "do" her (as the kids say).

Law Fairy said...

I'd do Rachel Weisz

Panthergirl said...

Micah, I'm wearing VICTORIA'S SECRET, pajama collection.

And right now, along with KPMD, I'm also wearing "first place". ;)

Anonymous said...

What the hell? Nobody told me there was an awards show on tonight? Does this mean there's no "Desperate Housewives"?

BTW, I'm wearing a wifebeater & boxers ensemble by Hanes.

P.S. Go KPMD!

Micah said...

Very bold move by McDormand to not look attractive at all.

law fairy - Me too!!!! Wow - former Crush looking all...bountiful (and preggers).

What, men can't enjoy the new Tab? Is it pH balanced or something.

Micah said...

THSE - Three words: Skinemax on Demand.

Law Fairy said...

I hope when I'm whatever age Lauren Bacall is I look as good as her. She may be old, but DAMN is she classy. And could also use a teleprompter with bigger print.

Panthergirl said...

Oh boy.... Lauren Bacall is really struggling... shoot me before I get that old, ok?

Panthergirl said...

Wow I really like this gay detective montage...

Panthergirl said...

PRIVATE DICK INDEED

Micah said...

Then gay Havery Firestein movies.

Law Fairy said...

They should do all nominee spots like political commercials

Panthergirl said...

Those were great... loved the Reese one.

Micah said...

We'd call you "stupid wop dago".

Ah, Kiera. If only one could put her beautiful head on a woman's body...

Micah said...

Dude, get a room.

I can hear Shamrock right now: "Damn Pengoons!"

Law Fairy said...

Micah, you didn't see Brokeback?!

KPMD and Panther -- dammit, stop getting them all right!! I feel like I'm sooo close...

Micah said...

Mindy - WHO ARE YOU WEARING?!

No, I haven't seen Brokeback. I'll catch it on cable...late night.

Hey, it's Samuel Jackson, star of the upcoming Snakes on a Plane (I wish I was kidding).

Panthergirl said...

That MUSIC!!! OMG... could it be an louder???

Panthergirl said...

Micah... seriously, you should see Brokeback in the theater. It is just gorgeous.

Law Fairy said...

SERIOUSLY

We get it. Watch movies in the theater. Okay, moving on...

Micah said...

I'll probably catch it when it gets to the dollar theater. That's not a slam on the movie (I REALLY want to see Narnia, but am waiting on that one, too).

Mickey Rooney is still alive?!

Micah said...

Mmmmm...Salma.

Law Fairy said...

Is it just me or did the orchestra just hold out the first note of the Star Wars theme and then let us down?

Micah said...

Mindy - Tonight is the night the stars come out to shine. Deal with it.

Micah said...

Only us nerds, law fairy. Only us nerds...

Law Fairy said...

Dude, whatever. Nerds rule.

spydrz said...

Is it over yet?

Micah said...

Why didn't anybody tell me that I left out Scott Thompson's name in the original post?

Jerks.

Panthergirl said...

Why wasn't the 40 Year Old Virgin nominated for Best Original Score? Pfffffft

Panthergirl said...

OK, I am happy to have lost this one.... I loved the music for Brokeback.

Law Fairy said...

Dude, John Williams didn't win?? JOHN WILLIAMS DIDN'T WIN???

WTF?

Law Fairy said...

Mindy: you're just jealous that Micah's been online chatting with hot babes all day

Micah said...

...and my respect for Mindy is knocked down a peg or five.

Hey, bitches: if you haven't seen Capote, hop to it. Great flick.

John Williams already has 30 (I think) Oscars already. Give one to the auslander.

CB - Don't make me post your pictures. You know the ones I'm talking about.

spydrz said...

Napoleon was funny...some might say it was Dy-no-mite!

Law Fairy said...

good point, CB -- I didn't even realize he composed for Geisha when I voted for Munich. Dammit!

Micah said...

In all seriousness, 40 Year Old Virgin really should have been nominated for at least screenplay. The Academy's disrespect for comedies is terrible.

Micah said...

GO SEE MOVIES IN THEATERS

(Jedi Mind Trick: patrons aren't rude, tickets and food aren't overpriced, floors aren't sticky, pre-movie advertisements don't last for 45 minutes, the general quality of movies hasn't been declining for years now...)

Micah said...

Dude, I hear she's in the new Playboy.

Law Fairy said...

Micah, SERIOUSLY -- 40YOV was AWESOME. Where's the love for comedies? I've heard it's much harder to do comedy than drama, and I believe it.

Kudos to Stewart for making fun of the mantage obsession

Law Fairy said...

She's suing them about that Playboy thing -- fyi, she's not naked in the mag, lest you guys buy it to great disappointment

Micah said...

I have a subscription. I know. :(

If Stewart had some balls, he would've made a joke about that. Chris Rock would have.

Micah said...

You're right. You shouldn't be.

I think the only Altman movie I've seen is The Player. And I don't even remember it.

Law Fairy said...

Zzzzzzz...

I guess now is a good time for a quick catnap. Or a snack break.

Micah said...

YES! I picked Altman for the Honorary Oscar in the pool!

I own a copy of the book M*A*S*H*, if that counts.

Micah said...

You're at the Oscars, hippy. Wear a tie.

Micah said...

Signs wasn't bad. Now, The Village - that sucked.

Micah said...

The Oscars are crunk!

Law Fairy said...

They slipped in a "shit" and a half-F-bomb.

Yay Oscars!

I bet my mom would like this song

Law Fairy said...

Awwwwww yeah, tied for first baby!!!

Micah said...

Uh, what?

And with that Oscar, I pull into the second place tie.

Law Fairy said...

Can Steven Colbert present next year? Seriously. He's cracking me up and I can't even see him.

Micah said...

Jennifer Garner's love child is going to be one fine looking bastard.

Micah said...

Mindy - Fun Fact: Spielberg's Munich grossed more than the other four Best Picture nominees combined.

Micah said...

I must say that Colbert's show has gotten tons better since it first aired. Classic stuff.

Now go out and buy the "Strangers With Candy" DVDs and see his true genius.

Micah said...

By round of applause, who is the most popular dead person?

Micah said...

I think it was "Buzz" Knudson.

Okay, people, fess up: who consulted EW when making their picks? (obviously not CB)

Law Fairy said...

I thought Richard Pryor won

Panthergirl said...

TAB Energy? Why didn't they just call it "Pink Bull"?

Law Fairy said...

Not me. I relied on my knowledge of the "buzz," plucked up from sources all over. I don't think I even read EW. Ha!

Um. If I had time I would've seen all the movies... ?

Micah said...

If they don't add the Dunkin' Donuts guy to next year's montage, the Academy's lost all of its credibility.

Micah said...

law fairy - You live in freakin' LA. You take all of this shit in by osmosis.

Panthergirl said...

Ah shit.... I hate sharing first place.

Law Fairy said...

True, Micah

Micah said...

I've always dreamed of being in a 4-way with a bunch of hot chicks. Right now I am.

Let me savor this.

Law Fairy said...

Yikes. Neck and neck and neck and neck

Micah said...

CD - All are welcome. Do I know you?

Anonymous said...

I meant tuning in, not turning in...I will NEVER turn into such a dorkfest, even after 3 years of law school. the c.d. name is for another blog, for those of you wondering who the heck this is.

Anonymous said...

know me? and how ;)

Micah said...

Still not ringing a bell.

YES!!!! Hoffman rocked in that movie (even without a cowboy hat).

Law Fairy said...

damn... this is gonna be a tough tie to break...

Micah said...

KPMD - Sounds like the beginning of a joke. Do they walk into a bar?

Is that Amanda Panda?

Anonymous said...

I've always been a late bloomer, but bloom I shall. who's cpt got-flames-for-the-rear. yes, i am drinking. Micah, you'll be happy to know you can be googled.

Anonymous said...

micah, if you don't know me by now...

so who's winning?

Anonymous said...

yes, so proud to have so lowered myself...but alas, when all my other friends have to wake up for their jobs tomorrow and so aren't on line...and I reiterate..I've been drinking

Micah said...

There's a 4 way tie: me, KPMD, law fairy, and panthergirl.

A quick perusal makes it seem like it's going to come down to the screenplay awards to shake things up.

Micah said...

Isn't the correct term "tromboner"?

Hee hee.

Panthergirl said...

Shouldn't the guy named "Phister" have worked on Brokeback?

I may have lost my lead on this one...

Anonymous said...

hey, isn't there a "m" missing from kpmd's name...backfire (does that mean you have really bad gas) as first poster and therefore biggest loser, you are not entitled to such privileged info as my current entire...wow another flick I haven't heard of

Micah said...

I'd even "do" a white trash Charliz Theron.

Anonymous said...

Is there overtime for ties, or does that mean you have to buy more than one dvd from the $5.50 bin?

Micah said...

I'd "do" Reese, too.

Micah said...

I'm trying to think of what a tie-breaker would be. Why couldn't Yahoo do the pool again this year? Why, God? WHY?

Anonymous said...

I'd do her too if only she'd shut up

Micah said...

That's what I want to hear, Mindy. HIT THAT!

Anonymous said...

backfire, no one was doubting your willingness to do the brokeback dudes...i guess together you'd form a love union the speak it's name as brokebackfire

Micah said...

I happen to like Reese's accent. Of course, I have a thing for southern belles.

And latinas.

And strippers.

Etc.

Micah said...

Good night and good luck, KPMD.

Micah said...

Good luck and good night, Mindy.

Anonymous said...

hmm...mindy and kpmd leaving together...HOT.

what kind of blogger name is micah anyway...btw I have a recently single-again roommate in need of some lovin'

Micah said...

Especially when combined.

Micah said...

Uma...not hot.

Law Fairy said...

Um. Uma? Enough with the raccoon eyes, please

Anonymous said...

so, is there loserfest for the bigdance too? and do kpmd and mindy forfeit their interest if they don't stick it out for the entire night?

Micah said...

And then there were two. Me and KPMD.

Assuming everyone picked Brokeback for director and picture, that's it.

Panthergirl said...

Yep.... I'm out of it now. :(

Micah said...

I don't think everyone has the fortitude to do this for March Madness.

Or by "big dance" did you mean CPAC?

Anonymous said...

apparently Micah needs to tell them what it's really like to be black

Anonymous said...

micah, you underestimate our patheticness...and alas CPAC was last month..maybe next year

Micah said...

panthergirl - I'm gonna go out on a limb and say your big mistake was picking "The Deat Of Kevin Carter: Casualty Of The Bang Bang Club". What the hell were you thinking?!

Anonymous said...

backasswardfire, shut your mouth

Law Fairy said...

bummer. So close...

Micah said...

Uma. Ang. Ang. Uma.

Micah said...

law fairy - It's because you picked "God Sleeps in Rwanda". WTF?

Anonymous said...

Please tell me that that was not actually english and i'm not that drunk

Micah said...

He makes me want to be a better man.

Law Fairy said...

lol -- dammit!!

Anonymous said...

yeah, audience that was funny

250 what

Law Fairy said...

Wait -- what the!!

Anonymous said...

so what leftist agenda did crash promote?

Micah said...

I've actually seen the Best Picture...and thought it sucked.

Anonymous said...

was this a surfer movie?

Law Fairy said...

I liked Crash but Brokeback was way better.

Once again, race wins over gender...

Anonymous said...

sexist bastards...does this mean I can go back to my otherwise oh so exciting life?

Panthergirl said...

Micah.... Bang Bang was a total guess.

The ones I really lost it on were Squid and, of course, Brokeback for Best Movie.

Ah well.... it was good while it lasted (like all fucking NIGHT!) Thanks for the good time! ;)

Anonymous said...

much like any other day cpt

I say pudding wrestling to break the tie

Panthergirl said...

I wouldn't say Crash sucked, but I thought it was pretty forgettable. Brokeback, on the other hand...stayed with me for days. I don't have a desire to see a lot of movies several times, but I can't wait to see that again. SO wonderful.

OK... congrats Micah and KPMD... PG, OUT!

Anonymous said...

apparently, once you go gay, you can't go back, eh PG

Anonymous said...

y'all...you can't let me have the last word

Micah said...

Crash was just too heavy-handed.

Thanks, everyone. This was a blast.

spydrz said...

Wow...some of us had to go to work this morning. Glad to add to the longest post ever.