Saturday, October 29, 2005

Vrinnn vrinnn vrinnnnnnnnn

I caught the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake on cable tonight. It wasn't all that great, but it wasn't completely terrible, either (Roger Ebert gave it zero stars). Of course, I've never seen the original, so I didn't have that bias going into it.

But, it was worth it just to see Jessica Biel prance around for 98 minutes. Oddly enough, though, I don't think she has nipples. How else can you explain the wet, cold meatlocker scene?


Anonymous said...

My God, this is ironic! I just got back from watching that movie at a friend's house. And we, too, were wondering why her nipples refused to defend themselves from the cold of the freezer and the spraying water.

However, I should add that all the time spent searching for her nipples distracted us from the fact that, while not horrible, the movie was not all that great.

Micah said...

How strange. It's a Halloween miracle!

You ought to give Ebert's review a gander. Dude totally gave a critical beatdown. While not fine cinema, it wasn't that bad.

Anonymous said...

I read the review. I can see where he's coming from, but I think his tone may have more to do with his personal disdain for the director than with the film itself. There are plenty of dumb "horror" movies he could give a beatdown to, and no, this one wasn't so much worse.

It would have been hilarious if R. Lee Ermey had reprised his Coach character from "Saving Silverman" instead of being the creepy Sheriff, or if the Chainsaw Massacrer had been caught in a net and had his mask pulled off ("I would have succeeded, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!").

Anonymous said...

Nips make everything better. Deep down inside, Ebert agrees with me.

Micah said...

dubin - You're ideas are intriguing and I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.

thse - Ebert is such the Boob Man. Hell, he wrote the screenplay for a Russ Meyer flick.