That nelly in the title role did an excellent job

I saw Capote today and can't recommend it enough. Great movie. Philip Seymour Hoffman deserves the Oscar. Too bad I already made my "Best of 2005" list.

Now, to watch In Cold Blood sometime this week.

That is all.

Why I hate watching new TV shows

CBS cancels "Love Monkey" after three episodes.

I'm sick of this whole "if the debut episode isn't #1 in the ratings, kill the series and replace it with a reality show" mentality of the networks. Gone are the days when quality, but low-rated series are allowed time to develop an audience ("Seinfeld" and "Cheers" come to mind). "Love Monkey" was going up against "Law & Order: SVU" - what'd CBS expect?

It makes me not want to give new shows a try, since there's a high probability that they will get yanked from the schedule. Why bother?

(The above rant also applies to Fox for axing "Kitchen Confidential" earlier this season.)

Micah World Top 25

Here they are, the top 25 songs burning up my iPod (as of 2.12.06):

1. "Jesusland" - Ben Folds
2. "Bad Things" - Jace Everett
3. "Why Don't You Get a Job" - The Offspring
4. "All the Pretty Girls Leave Town" - Tim Easton
5. "Lua" - Bright Eyes
6. "Death Valley Queen" - Flogging Molly
7. "Knock Yourself Out" - Jon Brion
8. "Absolutely Cuckoo" - Magnetic Fields
9. "Troublesome Kind" - Tim Easton
10. "Don't Ask Me Why" - Billy Joel
11. "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road" - Elton John
12. "Goodnight Goodnight" - Hot Hot Heat
13. "Tribulations" - LCD Soundsystem
14. "The Bottle's Talking Now" - Mary Prankster
15. "Ignite" - Northern State
16. "Let's Kill Saturday Night" - Robbie Fulks
17. "You" - Shelby Starner
18. "Goodbye Girl" - Squeeze
19. "You To Thank" - Ben Folds
20. "She's Always a Woman" - Billy Joel
21. "Fall Back Down" - Candy Butchers
22. "Hang On Mike" - Candy Butchers
23. "The Greatest" - Cat Power
24. "Hateful" - The Clash
25. "Sellout" - Emmet Swimming

I'm now taking Long Distance Dedications.

(Ah, you gotta love blog filler.)

Requiem for a Big Honkey

R.I.P. Franklin Cover, 1928-2006.



As a kid, "The Jeffersons" was one of my favorite shows. With their contrast in size, color, and class, Tom Willis and George Jefferson were great comic foils for each other. Tom's in a deluxe apartment in the sky now.

BTW, Is this not a cool shirt?



(See, it wouldn't be racist if I wore it because I am, in fact, a honkey.)

So long, Bluths.

Tonight is the 2 hour season finale (and quite possibly the series finale) of "Arrested Development". I'd like to personally thank this nation's Nielsen families who chose to watch such quality fare as "According to Jim" and "Skeet Shooting With Celebrities" rather than this original and funny show. Let's churn out more reality shows and bland sitcoms!

BTW, last night's episode of "The Office" was sheer brilliance. My favorite part:

Ryan (looking at the camera, full of regret): "I hooked up with her on February 13th."

And Michael's "favorite New York pizza joint" is Sbarro. Ha!

The art of spam

The other day I received the following spam in my MySpace page (Need a friend? Add me!). The way the prose flows from your lips - it's just beautiful:

"Hi my new friend! I liked yours profile. I shall be very glad with you to correspond and learn you closer. I think that between us interesting correspondence and further and friendship can begin. Give I I shall tell about myself a little. My name is Oksana. To me of 27 years and I am still lonely. I search serious relations and responsibly I concern to correspondence. I am afraid to be deceived and I promise you the honesty and sincerity. I search for the person with which it was possible to create good and strong family in which there would be a harmony and understanding. I very friendly and sociable girl, I kind and sympathetic. I work in veterinary clinic for animals and very much I love the work, the patients of animals, to me it seems all of them such to charm. I like to learn all new, sometimes I study independently some sciences and consequently I like to read books of various genres, I like to meet friends and cheerfully to spend time but it it happens seldom because all of us are borrowed occupied on work and consequently I very much miss and I feel lonely in this world. I want to learn you more in each letter and I with impatience shall wait for your letter. You can write to me the letter on my address (withheld)"

It's poetry! Apparently, this spam is targeted to the lonely and the stupid. Fool me five times, shame on me...

Crushes of the Week: Cassie and Jamie Johnson

This week's Crushes are U.S. Women's Curling Team members (and sisters) Cassie and Jamie Johnson. I know next to nothing about curling, but I'll be watching. Because of them.



Although I don't quite have Olympics Fever just yet, my temperature is rising. I much prefer the Winter Olympics to the Summer ones. I mean, c'mon: luge! USA! USA! USA!

Hump Day News Round-Up

• A 19 year-old girl admits that calling in a bomb threat (at LaGuardia, no less) to delay a plane she was running late for was a mistake. I'm going to need to see a picture of her. If she's hot enough, I'll let her immense stupidity slide.
  
• West Virginia has found the cure for the childhood obesity epidemic: Dance Dance Revolution.
  
• Part of Jimmy Carter's diatribe at Corretta Scott King's funeral: "We only have to recall the color of the faces of those in Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi who are most devastated by Katrina to know that there are not yet equal opportunities for all Americans." So, God's a racist? Who'da thunk it?
  
• Upset with how much he paid for his car, a Florida man drove into a Ford dealership, causing almost $1 million in damage. There's two ways to solve any problem: 1) throw a house party or 2) crash your car into the object of your frustration. Giving Kid 'n' Play a phone call would've been much cheaper.
  
• A woman revived a chicken using CPR. Any quip that I could make wouldn't be nearly as funny as the woman's use of the word "dadgum" in retelling her story. Flyover Country folk are so real.
  
• Forget the Super Bowl. Our great country can now claim the World Grilled Cheese Eating Champion (Fun Fact: she's from my last city of residence). Mmmmmmmm...26 grilled cheese sandwiches.

It's been a while since the last "Britney is white trash" post

"Hey, Ma! I done got me a new toy! Ain't he cute?"

In her defense for driving with her baby in her lap, Britney said, "I instinctively took measures to get my baby and me out of harm's way, but the paparazzi continued to stalk us. I love my child and would do anything to protect him."

Yeah, like putting him directly in front of an airbag that, if deployed, would kill him. Kind of makes you long for the halcyon days when Spears was nothing more than jailbait in a schoolgirl uniform.

Number 9...Number 9...Number 9

I am Sudoku's bitch. Well, maybe that's an overstatement. Always a year or two behind the trends, I just discovered Sudoku a few days ago. I won't say that I'm "hooked" yet, but I am enjoying it (even if I resort to hints a little more than I should).

EDIT: My stats:
Easy puzzles solved: 14
Your average time: 7:54
Your fastest time: 5:50

Yeah, I haven't ventured past "easy." Wanna fight about it?

All he needs to walk against the wind is a paper clip and a piece of gum

Richard Dean Anderson was in one of the better Super Bowl ads, reprising his "MacGyver" role. But I think it should be known that at one time he was a mime.



That may turn off even Patty and Selma.

Thoughts on the Super Bowl commercials

Not caring about either team in the Super Bowl this year, my attention turned to the commercials even more so than usual. Some thoughts as they aired:

• Harrison Ford: you just look silly in an earring. And lose the goatee.
  
• If you need an actor to play an agent, Jay Mohr (Jerry Maguire, "Action") is your man.
  
• I'm totally on Pixar's jock, but Cars just looks dumb.
  
• I haven't even seen the movie, but Brokeback Mountain now makes me think all cowboys are gay. That probably wasn't Budweiser's intention for their ad.
  
• Chimps will make anything funny. The one smoking a cigar and holding a burning dollar bill? Hilarious.
  
• Phillip Seymour Hoffman as the bad guy in MI:3! I mean, I was going to see this movie anyway, but now...
  
• Given the show's suckitude for the past few years, "from the creator of 'Saturday Night Live'" doesn't have the cachet it once did.
  
• The Go Daddy girl. Yummy.
  
• Sprint's crime deterrent made me laugh.
  
• "Might as well face it. You're addicted to 'Lost'." Cheesy.

Halftime: Mick & company, your pre-Tattoo You music is great, but hang it up already. Try aging with some dignity, if it's not too late. The RS logo stage was cool, though.

• Anyone else a bit creeped out thinking about the process of the giant robot and monster getting it on so they could produce that Hummer baby?
  
• More chimps!
  
• I'm thinking that Taco Bell meant to have that girl be geeky, but she's damn cute. Yeah - glasses.
  
• Oh, man. Sprint utilizing "Yakety Sax" from Benny Hill's show. Classic.
  
• Emerald Nuts was kind of clever.
  
• Nice to see McGuyver back.
  
• Hey, ABC, don't dumb down society even more. Put a question mark (and not a period) after "Who wouldn't". This ain't an Abbott and Costello routine.
  
• A remake of the Billy Crystal/Gregory Hines movie Running Scared? Nope.

Wow. What a craptacular year for Super Bowl commercials.

Another test

Check one. Check one. Sybillance. Sybillance.

EDIT: Okay, looks like Blogger got things sorted out (except for the posts and comments that seem to be lost in the blogosphere ether). Posting shall resume.

Just checking to see if Blogger's still screwed up

Testes. Testes.

1...2...3?

EDIT: And yes, it is still messed up. Frustration.

EDIT: Since I'm not going to be posting much until this issue gets resolved (really, what's the point of comments/posts if they are just going to be deleted when new ones are made?), here's an mp3 for you:

Ozomatli (w/ Charlie 2Na & Cut Chemist) - "Super Bowl Sundae"

Hopefully, things'll get cleared up soon.

At least the empty bar stools will have clean air

Thanks to Bureaucrash for the graphic.

Columbus's smoking ban turned one year old yesterday and an anti-smoking zealot-funded study* trumpeted the improvement in the city's air. Funny how there was absolutely no mention by the Nanny Staters on how the economic impact of the ban. If I were in their shoes (and thank Allah I'm not - what a life devoid of pleasure), I would definitely have commissioned a study on whether or not bar and restaurant business had grown, for PR purposes if the conclusions were favorable. Could it be that business held steady or went down in the past year and they are sitting on such a study?

My favorite part of yesterday's Columbus Dispatch article:

Less than a mile north of yesterday's news conference, smokers legally puffed away at Champps, a restaurant in Clinton Township.

That has meant $32,000 more business, said Champps General Manager Tim Klunk. "That's monstrous for us." Business is up 6 percent compared to the same time before the ban.

So, I guess smoking bans are good for the economy...of neighboring towns that don't infringe on property rights.

On a related note, here is the story of a Newark, OH, restaurant owner fighting her city's smoking ban.

Disclosure: I abhor cigarette smoking, but I do indulge in the occasional cigar or pipe.

*Hey, if people can point out tobacco industry-sponsored studies, I can point out the inverse. Agendas go both ways.

Happy Groundhog Day!

"I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life."

Crush of the Week: Sophia Myles

This week's Crush is actress Sophia Myles. She played the vampire Erika in Underworld. Hottie bloodsucker!



Unfortunately, she was left out of the sequel, save for an extremely brief flashback scene. She's currently in a movie that I'll likely never see.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• Two former cocktail waitresses filed a $70 million sexual discrimination suit against Atlantic City's Borgata Casino, alleging that their employer "humiliated costumed 'Borgata Babes' by imposing weight limits, encouraging breast augmentation surgery and emphasizing looks over job performance." Enough! I'm taking my business to a more enlightened establishment, like the Hooters Casino Hotel.
  
• I could care less about either team playing in the Super Bowl this year, but if Condi says the Steelers are going to win, then I have to root for Pittsburgh.
  
• A Tennessee man ran a woman off of the road because he was reading porn magazines while driving. Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you to show some restraint and not leaf through your erotica until you reach your driveway, at the very least.
  
• Italy's prime minister has taken a vow of celibacy until after his country's April 9th general elections. He now has the coveted school marm/librarian/spinster vote locked up.
  
• Samuel Alito was sworn into the Supreme Court yesterday. Despite what his critics have been claiming, abortion was still legal as of this posting.

No love for "Stealth"?

The Oscar nominations were announced this morning and I'm underwhelmed (although far from surprised). Not much appealing to me this year - seems like a lot of This Is How You Should Think movies, rather than films that have artistic merit AND are, oh, say, entertaining. And Walk the Line getting snubbed for Best Picture? Criminal. Matt Dillion gets a nom?! I guess he was okay in Herbie: Fully Loaded. Probably the only movie nominated in a major category that I haven't seen, but probably will before the ceremony is Capote. Maybe.

Do I even need to start a pool in the Year of Brokeback?

Regardless, I'll be watching like I do every year, if only to replicate last year's Oscar night post (232 comments!).

Best Albums of 2005

Considering that each year roughly 31,000 albums are released (no joke), there is no way I can hear them all. And some that I want (LA Symphony) remain unpurcashed/unstolen. But of the ones that I did listen to in 2005, these are the tops:

Album of the Year: Neil Diamond 12 Songs

The best of the rest, in alphabetical order:
Bright Eyes I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
John Davis John Davis
Depeche Mode Playing the Angel
Ben Folds Songs For Silverman
The Go! Team Thunder, Lightning, Strike
Jack Johnson In Between Dreams
Korn See You on the Other Side
LCD Soundsystem LCD Soundsystem
Anya Marina Miss Halfway
Nine Inch Nails With Teeth
Ohmega Watts The Find
Rev Run Distortion
Sigur Ros Takk
System of a Down Mesmerize/Hypnotize
Kanye West Late Registration

Best singles: Kanye West - "Gold Digger", Hot Hot Heat - "Goodnight Goodnight"
Best comeback: Neil Diamond, getting his largest first week sales in years
Shame on you: Sony, for secretly putting dangerous software on Diamond's disc (among others) and having to pull it from stores a week after it was released, killing its momentum
Best duo: Kanye West and Jon Brion (how the hell did they get together?)
Best videos: Nine Inch Nails - "Only", Bright Eyes - "First Day of My Life", Jack Johnson - "Sitting, Waiting, Wishing"
Best non-2005 finds and rediscoveries: Warren Zevon, Rilo Kiley, Erasure, the Magnetic Fields, Evanescence
Disappointments: Weezer - Make Believe, Moby - Hotel, Z-Trip - Shifting Gears, Pigeon John - ...Sings the Blues

For your listening pleasure, here are some MP3s and AACs of some of my favorite songs of '05:
Anya Marina - "Lovesick"
Bright Eyes - "Lua"
Jack Johnson - "Good People"
Ben Folds - "Jesusland"
John Davis - "Jesus Gonna Build Me a Home"
Kanye West - "Gone"
LCD Soundsystem - "Tribulations"
Neil Diamond - "Hell Yeah"

Enjoy!

And in the next panel Chloe makes coffee

A million little mea culpas

Recently, the Smoking Gun has unearthed some discrepencies between my blog (and memoir What Do You Do With A Drunken Sailor?) and the events that actually happened to me. Among the instances that my critics cite me taking the most glaring liberties:

• I never shot black tar heroin directly into my eyes. Rather, I simply watched Pulp Fiction a lot.
  
• Me and the Coreys (Feldman and Haim) having an orgy with all 52 Miss America 1987 contestants? Regrettably, no.
  
• I did not attend the University of Richmond, but I did get my GED.
  
• My entire sordid tale of spending a night in Bangkok was actually lifted from the lyrics of "One Night in Bangkok".
  
• I am not a cancer survivor. It must've just been some bad clams.
  
• My affair with Lisa Whelchel ("Blair" from "The Facts of Life") never occurred. I just wrote her like a billion letters that remain unanswered.
  
• I never actually saved a lot on my car insurance.
  
• My favorite movie is not Citizen Kane, but actually Roadhouse.
  
• I did not march with Martin Luther King, Jr. However, I have seen every episode of "The Jeffersons" multiple times.
  
• In my book, I wrote that I killed 12 hobos. That number is actually 9.
  
• I am not the inspiration for "The Dude" in The Big Lebowski.
  
• The accounts of me being unwillingly sold into the S&M sex trade are ficticious. Again, I have watched Pulp Fiction a lot.
  
• I never played nose tackle for the Jets. I came close to finishing a season of "NFL Blitz", though.
  
• That part about me doing a nickel in Chino is false. But I've gotten 4 speeding tickets.
  
• "Pay at the pump" was not my idea.
  
• The account of me doing whippets with the guys from Journey backstage at the Rose Bowl is not true. Instead, I ate a whole tub of Cool Whip while listening to the band's Escape album in my bedroom.

I am truly sorry if I have caused you to think less of me and my seafaring tales of adventure. What is important, though, is the underlying message of recovery and redemption (Oprah be damned). Also, I am hoping to turn this whole thing into another book deal.

Pope my ride

This ain't your father's Pope-mobile.

Spiders gonna work it out

Mid snarky comment, no doubt.

There's a University of Richmond revolution going on. On last week's episode of "Best Week Ever", Michael Aboud (one of the Modern Humorist guys) wore a UR t-shirt. How do I know it was a UR shirt and not one trumpeting some other "Richmond"? Because I have the same freakin' shirt (same font and all)!

Pardon me for thinking this is newsworthy, but unlike other schools (say, Harvard, NYU or UCLA), my alma mater doesn't get much pop culture media attention (aside from the backstory on "Commander in Chief"). Go Spiders.

UPDATE (1/27): Today I got the following e-mail from John:

Hey, Michah (sic). John Aboud here. I grew up in Richmond, but I didn't go to UR. Thanks for watchin'.
-John

So, there you have it. Because of his wearing of the shirt on national TV, his humorous contribution to pop culture commentary, and his response to my e-mail, he is the inaugural member of the Micah World Cool People List.

Crush of the Week: Judy Greer

This week's Crush is actress Judy Greer, of the current show "Love Monkey". She also plays "Kitty" on "Arrested Development".



She's never looked better (I suspect she's had some work done).

Ain't no party like a Burns Night party because a Burns Night party don't stop

Happy Burns Night!


Not Robert Burns.

My night will consist of reading some of ol' Robbie's greatest hits and then a dinner of spinach and feta chicken sausage (hey, I defy you to find haggis anywhere in central Ohio), salad, and cheese, with some shortbread and tea for dessert.

Then I'll have a wee nip or two of the Dalmore (alas, I have no Robert Burns scotch) while I puff on my pipe and watch last night's episode of "The Shield." Maybe I'll drift off to sleep to Braveheart or Rob Roy.

Or maybe I'll screw all of that and watch some porn.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• A Tokyo jewelwer created a Valentine's Day chocolate shaped like Africa and encrusted with diamonds, worth $5 million. Now, that's rich. (Okay, stupid joke).
  
• Hockey legend Mario Lemieux retires again.
  
• A 73 year-old woman was killed by a banana. A survivor of the Nazis and the Commies, she said, "I can't believe after all this time it was a bloody banana that killed me." At least she had a sense of humor about it.
  
• A Pittsburgh area high school student wearing a Denver Broncos jersey was humiliated by his teacher, who made the kid sit on the floor and had other students throw crumpled paper at him. This stuff just writes itself, I tells ya.
  
• Kentucky's governor doesn't kowtow to Pamela Anderson's big, beautiful breasts and keeps a bust of Colonel Sanders up in the state's capitol. PETA lunacy aside, I still love you, Pammy.

Requiem for Nice Guy Eddie

R.I.P., Chris Penn. 1965-2006.



You taught us about the joy of dressing like a member of the Russian mafia and that loyalty can sometimes lead to a Mexican standoff.

You learn something new everyday

Creepy.

This may be common knowledge to everyone else, but I learned from a "Mostly Trivial" podcast that Willard Scott was the first person to portay Ronald McDonald in a TV commercial.


Also creepy.

He was also Bozo the Clown in Washington, DC.

About as funny as (insert arcane reference here)

This weekend I watched Dennis Miller's new comedy special "All In". While his material was kind of funny, it elicited mostly hod nods and only a few chuckles. The funniest part to me:

"Nice to be back here in Las Vegas. I just went for a walk out on the Strip a little earlier. Now I'm looking for a bookbinder to have my porno handouts leatherbound. I never know whether to put 'golden showers' under 'G' or 'P'."

So true. Anyway, the special's worth a look, but not as funny as his previous one - "The Raw Feed" (a steal at only $7).

A note from housekeeping

All of this blog's pictures (except for the ones appearing in the last week or so) are hosted at Pix8.net, which has a set monthly bandwidth restriction. Due to a HUGE surge in Google image searches, I've exceeded my limits, so pretty much all of the old pictures aren't showing up. The bandwidth will be reset on February 6th. Sorry, Linda Cardellini* fans.

*She is the subject of an overwhelming number of the recent image searches leading to this blog, probably because of her role in Grandma's Boy and, to a lesser extent, the Gay Cowboy Movie.

I read a book!

I'm beat. See, I was up well past 2 am finishing my book - Term Limits by Vince Flynn. I just couldn't put the damn thing down.

A couple of months back I had heard a radio interview with Flynn and he said he was a consultant on "24". Right then I knew I had to read his books. Term Limits is his debut and I quite enjoyed it. Very exciting and probably one of the most politically conservative books I've ever read (the plot centers on a group of ex-SEALs upset with government waste and hypocrisy so they try to get the President to change the system). One book down, six to go.

Next, I'll be taking a break from Flynn to read either Chris Elliott's The Shroud of the Thwacker or Tom Robbins' Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. Probably the former.

Good job, Hoyas

It's always nice to see Duke made someone's bitch.

My creme brulee brings all the girls to the yard

Not bad for a first try.

I could teach you, but I have to charge.

Sometimes it pays to wait 11 years

I picked up a used copy of Alanis Morissette's Jagged Little Pill for $2.99 yesterday. I guess it finally got down to the price point I'd pay, plus I was feeling nostalgic for my college years. I also wanted to hear songs from an angry woman with a dirty, dirty mouth (who doesn't know the meaning of the word ironic).

Some CDs I picked up from the library:

• Patrick Stewart & Orchestre De L'Opera De Lyon - Peter and the Wolf
  
• Paul Oakenfold - Bunkka
  
• The Corrs - Talk on the Corners
  
• Matthew Sweet - Time Capsule
  
• Cornershop - When I Was Born for the 7th Time
  
• Paul Simon - You're the One
  
• Simon & Garfunkel - Greatest Hits
  
• Roger Waters - Ca Ira
  
• Old 97's - Satellite Rides
  
• Old 97's - Fight Songs

I have a lot of copying ahead of me. I'm just praying that the RIAA never finds out about the public library.

Touch my "Love Monkey"

This week was the premiere of the unfortunately titled "Love Monkey", Tim Cavanagh's first post-"Ed" series. I absolutely loved "Ed", so this show had a lot to live up to. The verdict: I liked it, although it was a bit derivative. It seemed like a mixture of Jerry Maguire (man tells boss and fellow employees that their company should be focusing on quality and not money; man gets fired; man starts own company and chases after One Big Client) and High Fidelity (tying relationships into music geekery), with a little bit of the quirkiness of "Ed". Tim Cavanagh's great. The writing's snappy. The female co-stars are all attractive (Judy Greer's never looked better). Of course, the music aspect appeals to me (future guest stars include Ben Folds and Aimee Mann). Jason Priestly is showing his age, though - gone are his twentysomething high school student days.

Add another book to my Reading Pile: the novel this show's based on.

Weekend To-Do List

• Clean house
  
• Copy those Warren Zevon CDs I got from the library
  
• Write Christmas thank you notes
  
• Learn how to make creme brulee
  
• Make creme brulee
  
• Power read stacks of old magazines
  
• Go to the gym
  
• Upload holiday pictures
  
• Get a haircut (maybe)
  
• Take down Christmas tree
  
• Fill out and mail Linksys rebate forms
  
• Check to see if used CD store has a cheap copy of Paul Simon's Graceland remaster
  
• Get caught up on e-mails
  
• Research whether or not I should update my iPod's firmware at iLounge
  
• Think of more "filler" for my blog

Mmmmm...the Land of Chocolate

Aritst's rendering of a rebuilt New Orleans.

"It's time for us to rebuild New Orleans - the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans." - Mayor Ray Nagin

Crush of the Week: Sandrine Holt

This week's Crush is actress Sandrine Holt, who plays the First Lady's Secret Service agent this season on "24".


"WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!"

Too bad she will likely die before the season's over. Then again, her character does have a name, so that increases her likelihood of survival tenfold.

Crush of the Year 2005: Scarlett Johansson

Hot damn.

I had grandiose plans to have you, my loyal readers, choose my Crush of the Year through a series of polls and drafts all throughout last December. Obviously, I didn't get around to implementing a feasible plan. So, when I saw these pictures of her at the Golden Globes, my choice was made. Congratulations, Scarlett! You can pick up your prize at my house.

Too big for my britches

Luckily, I don't need a moo-moo and Fat Guy Hat.

The Cleansing has begun. Last night I consumed the last of the waffle kooken (thanks, Shamrock & Amanda!) and then went to the grocery store. White flour? Gone. Refined sugar? I'm done with it. Caffeine? Not any more. I stocked up on salad stuff, whole wheat pasta and tortilla wraps, and plenty of chicken and turkey. I even reverted back to - ugh - natural peanut butter. And I'm also going to resume going to the gym - I've missed gawking at the sweaty women. I have a feeling that they missed me, too.

Well, the above isn't 100%. I'll continue to treat myself to my weekend coffees (and I still have some Pumpkin Spice creamer that'd be a shame to waste). And this weekend I'm planning on trying out that creme brulee kit that my brother got me for Christmas (and I don't think Splenda would work well). But it's a start.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• "Limbo" is dead. Can one of my Catholic readers let me know how part of the afterlife can suddenly be wiped out?
  
• William Shatner sold his kidney stone for $25,000. When reached for comment he said, "Khaaaaaaaaaaaan!"
  
• Iran will be holding a Holocaust conference. Any guesses on what they will determine?
  
• Sex is the cure for the common cold. Based on the ailments that I've suffered this season, I can safely say self-medication doesn't work.
  
• A new study purports that having a TV in your bedroom can cut your sex life in half. What's half of zero? (Alternate Quip: "Talk about Sophie's choice.")
  
• Gerald Ford is still alive (again).

Top Ten Movies of 2005

There's still a ton of movies on my "To Watch" list (King Kong, Narnia, The Weather Man, Shopgirl, Elizabethtown, The Producers, War of the Worlds, etc.), so my Top Ten is admittedly quite incomplete. Regardless, here they are:

1. Walk the Line
2. The 40 Year-Old Virgin
3. Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
4. Batman Begins
5. March of the Penguins
6. Sin City
7. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
8. Lord of War
9. Wedding Crashers
10. Land of the Dead

Honorable Mentions: Red Eye, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Cinderella Man
Heavyhanded Award: Crash. Racism is bad, mmm-kay?
Best Sci-Fi: Hitch. Kevin James and a cutie? Yeah, right.
Jamie Foxx Award (Best Musician Biopic Performance): Joaquin Phoenix
Delayed Again (Naturally): Strangers With Candy
Best Couple: Vince Vaughn and Isla Fisher, Wedding Crashers (see the dinner table scene)

By the time I get to Virginia

"So what if I celebrate it standin' on a corner."*

Happy Lee/Jackson/King Day! (You can take the gentleman out of Virginia...)

I plan on observing the memories of these three by watching my backlog of DVRed shows, reading my book, browsing ebay, and anxiously awaiting two more hours of "24".

*Apologies to Chuck D.

From now on it's Oscar Sauce on top of everything

I'm back from a short hiatus, where I was helping KPMD and Shamrock move into a spacious row house in Philadelphia's historic Trash District.

My muscles are aching, but my belly's full, thanks to the couple's payment of moving services in food. In addition to the Dunkin' Donuts, cheesesteak, and pizza, I had my Smith & Wollensky cherry popped, where our waiter (Ewan McGregor's slightly effeminate American twin brother) served me a fine big-ass medium-rare sirloin topped with Oscar Sauce* (bernaise with crab meat and asparagus) with hash browns and grilled vegetables. Scrumtrulescent.

There's a S&W in Columbus and when it comes time for me to move in a few months, I'll be sure to drive my helpers by it on the way to Wendy's. It's the least I could do.

*Not to be confused with Rocket Sauce.

Bill's reign of terror is over (kind of)

Earlier I received this e-mail from good ol' Bill Cooper:

Dear University Alumni,

I have decided to step down as President of the University of Richmond effective June 30, 2007, and plan to resume academic pursuits as University Professor. It is a singular privilege to have served as president since 1998. I am grateful for the dedicated efforts of all members of the University community.

Working together, we have achieved a great deal and have made key decisions that will continue to unlock Richmond's full potential. In coming months, I look forward to working to fulfill the aims set forth in our strategic plan and laying the groundwork for future achievements. Let us join together in a spirit of friendship and appreciation for the opportunities we share in serving Richmond.

Sincerely,

Bill Cooper

Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out (in 2007).

My Dad called me tonight to tell me the good news, but I told him that Spydrz beat him to it (I got a voicemail from him while I was in Target buying vittles for tomorrow's road trip to Filthydelphia). He was a little dejected, but I told him that, at the very least, he could simply share in my joy. And we laughed and laughed and laughed...

Crush of the Week: Lindy Booth

This week's Crush is actress Lindy Booth. She was in the Dawn of the Dead remake, but was recently brought back to my attention from her starring role in the teen thriller Cry_Wolf.



I received the Cry_Wolf DVD for Christmas because it was filmed at my alma mater (the University of Richmond), which is its biggest asset, if I do say so myself. The movie itself is so-so, but looks really great for having only a $1 million budget. And even though Lindy plays a prep school girl, her being a Crush isn't as creepy as it could be since she's actually 26. Loves me the redheads.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• Super-beautiful Angelina Jolie has been impregnated with Brad Pitt's super-handsome seed. Now maybe he'll finally admit to being in a relationship with her. Oh, what am I saying? This is Hollywood, where a loving and committed relationship (much less marriage) isn't a prerequisite to having a kid.
  
• Cough medicines don't work. Of course, this study was released just after I spent a mini-fortune on OTC remedies.
  
• The man who discovered LSD turned 100 today. If you go to his birthday party, remember not to eat the brown acid.
  
• Ted Kennedy is writing a children's book. Make your own joke.
  
• File under "Lawsuits That Will Never Occur in the United States": a Royal Family bodyguard has sued Scotland Yard for "over-promoting" him because he was black.
  
• Elmo wants to kill us all. I knew it!

I Heart "Scrubs"

Multi-Ethnic Siamese Twin Doctor

"Scrubs" still brings the funny.

Finally, my bloodlust will be quenched

The season premiere of "The Shield" is tonight. Sunday is the return of "24." Vic Mackey. Jack Bauer. It's a wonderful time to be a TV viewer with a thing for law enforcement types who don't play by the rules (but get results, dammit!).

Danke schoen, Stardust

August 2003

"Oh, Mikey, you don't want all that 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' horseshit, or the 'Rock and Roll Grunge Tip.' Guys like you and me gotta kick it here, old school."

Boyd Gaming has announced that it will be tearing down the Stardust Resort and Casino to make way for a $4 billion, 63 acre complex on the Vegas strip. Around since 1958, the Stardust was the second hotel I ever stayed at in Vegas (the first being Excalibur - ugh). Yes, it's run down, the rooms aren't anything to write home about, and the casino's full of blue hairs, but it was fun kicking it old school. Plus, two words: Wayne Newton (the man's voice is shot, but - hot damn - he can put on a show). It'll be sad to see this Vegas institution go the way of the Sands, the Dunes, and all of the other Rat Pack-era haunts.

The kids aren't alright

Knocking on deaf's door, The Who guitarist Pete Townshend posted a message on his website warning of the dangers of cranking the volume on your iPod. That's a really valid concern and I have a similar warning.

After you're done listening to your iPod in your car, turn the volume down. When mine is hooked up to my stereo (via cassette adapter), I have to max the volume on the iPod to hear anything. Last night I forgot to turn it down after I came home and today I went to listen to it through headphones and - BAM - I nearly blew my eardrums out. Well, it wasn't that severe, but it didn't tickle.

So, there you go, kids.

Another chance to kiss Bender's shiny metal butt?

Good news, everyone. After looking at the high DVD sales and Adult Swim ratings, Fox is talking to Matt Groening about bringing his criminally cancelled "Futurama" back into production. Maybe this time they won't air it on the "Pre-Empted-By-The-Freakin'-NFL-Post-Game-Show" 7 pm Sunday Death Slot.

My United States of Whatever

New Year's 2006

I went down to the Philadelphia subway station and saw KPMD, spydrz, and shamrock. They were all like "Ehhh" and I was like "Whatever."

It's old, I know, but I still get a kick out of that Liam Lynch song (and its video). He's directing and co-writing the Tenacious D movie, you know.

While I'm mentioning old stuff: "Gonads and Strife" ("Weeeeeee!") and "Lobster Magnet" ("Lobster sticks to magnet!").

Brother, can you spare a window regulator?

Did you miss me? I meant to update the blog at least once or twice, but never got around to it (obviously). I only went to the coffee shop twice and the wifi connection I "borrowed" at my mom's house was spotty, at best. Some thoughts about my trip:

• On the West Virginia Turnpike (around Charleston), I rolled down my window and paid the toll. As I pulled away, my window wouldn't go back up. So I drove the rest of the way home - 4+ hours - with an arctic blast at my face. Luckily, I packed my heavy pea coat, winter hat, gloves, and scarf - even though I knew they wouldn't be needed in Virginia's tobacco-growing friendly climate. Hooray for overpacking! Turns out that my Jetta needed a new window regulator. My trip was extended a few days while I waited for the part to arrive at the place my dad gets his car work done. And then we found out it was backordered, so I opted to drive home (the window kept up with pieces of rubber tubing wedged inbetween the window and door) and have the VW dealer fix it. Got it done today - at no charge! I thought my warranty was up, but I guess not.
  
• I have a new mission: to eliminate our nation's oppressive speed limits. About an hour into my trip, I got pulled over (tagged by a damn plane) for going 70 in a 55. WTF? In addition to the window fiasco and speeding ticket, about a half hour from home I got pulled for having a broken tail light. This cop was cool, though, and just gave me a warning. I think he had pity for me when I told him the Legend of the Window.
  
• It's a Wonderful Life never gets old. Even watching it after a long day and in extremely uncomfortable seats.
  
• I say it every season as an excuse, but the Richmond Spiders truly are in a "rebuilding season." Their game against Wake Forest was just plain ugly.
  
• Best present: a smoking jacket (thanks, mom and grandma!). I'll be asking for the matching Playmates for my birthday.
  
• Even on vacaton, it's hard to clear 12 hours on your schedule. I never got around to my Lord of the Rings Nerd-a-Thon. But I will soon.
  
• I wish my allergies didn't prevent me from getting a cat. My brother's cats are really cool, but they make my life miserable when I go to his house.
  
• As Elton John likely said during his closeted days, the beard is back. It's itchy, but it's fun to see what I will look like during the inevitable Zombie Apocolypse (assuming I'm one of the survivors, of course).
  
• Two of my Christmas wishes came true: Ohio State manhandled Notre Dame and USC finally lost.
  
• Five Guys still makes the best burgers, with Jimmy's a close second.
  
• Mennonites can make a mean grilled cheese and tomato sandwich. As does Jimmy's. I think I should write a book along the lines of The Grilled Cheeses of I-95 or something. It may not sell, but the research would be fun.
  
• I am the Smartest Man on the Planet, as evidenced by my three consecutive wins at Trivial Pursuit (90s Edition).
  
• My new daily scent is Polo Blue, which replaces my previous daily scent of the last 8-10 years - Polo Sport (thanks, dad). It was about time for a change.
  
• I imbibed the single worst beverage ever: absinthe. It's worse than Surge. I expected the essentially green-colored vodka that was in the bottle I snuck back from Prague years ago, but no. This beverage (courtesy of Phil) tasted like a tree. Even with copious amounts of lemon juice and sugar added to it. But I drank it all down. Sadly, there were no weird hallucinations.
  
• I received the Jones Soda Co.'s Holiday Pack, featuring Brussels Sprout with Prosciutto, Cranberry Sauce, Turkey & Gravy, Wild Herb Stuffing, and Pumpkin Pie sodas. So maybe I shouldn't be too quick to name absinthe as The Worst Thing I've Ever Drank. I'll let you know.
  
• I know you're wondering what 2006 calendar I opted for. I got three. First, from my dad I got the annual pocket calendar, which I keep in my messenger bag. As for a daily calendar, I couldn't decide on one so I got two: Dave Barry and Playboy Swimsuit and Lingerie. Gotta love the post-New Years discount.
  
• Towards the end of my trip I was getting really antsy because I HATE living out of a suitcase. To my friends who are thinking "I didn't know that": why do you think I always utilize the hotel room dresser, even for an overnight stay? It probably stems from my dad being killed by a garment bag.
  
• Jeers to the West Virginia's government for raising the Turnpike's tolls before my trip back, from $1.25 to $2. Doesn't Sen. Byrd give the state enough pork to cover its expenses?
  
• I think I got the bug my brother and nephew had. Right now I'm planning on going to bed early and sleeping through the weekend.

So that was my trip, in twenty bullet points or less.

Mistletoe and Outty

Okay, folks, I'm heading south of the Mason-Dixon line for the holidays and Micah World will be on its Holiday Update Schedule (read: whenever I manage to get to the coffee shop with free wifi). I hope everyone's Christmas/Chanukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus is filled with joy.

Also, I want to thank everyone that has made making this blog fun for the past year. It has hit 41,000 visitors! I'll do my best to keep you entertained and informed (mostly the former) in 2006.

"On Moshe! On Herschel! On Shlomo!"

I just found a website that tells the magical story of "The Night Hanukkah Harry Saved Christmas" (complete with sound files!). This "Saturday Night Live" sketch is truly one of Jon Lovitz's best.

"Socks?"
"Eight pair! Can you believe it?"

Fix some popcorn and put on your mithril pajamas

Since I'm taking a fairly long holiday break, I figured I'd devote a day next week to a DVD marathon of epic proportions. My first thought was to watch the fifth season of "The Sopranos," but decided I'd wait until just before the new season starts next year. Then I considered watching all six Star Wars movies, but I'm just not feeling it right now. Band of Brothers? Nah, I did a hardcore viewing of that over the summer. And then it hit me: all three extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I've been wanting to watch the series back to back for some time now. Plus, given the theatrical release schedule of each movie, they remind me of Christmas time. It's going to be a test of will, persistence, and ass-durance, I'm sure. But I'm just geeky enough to do it.

Crush of the Week: Amy Lee

This week's Crush is singer Amy Lee of Evanescence. Always a couple years behind the trends, I am just now getting into this band and their album Fallen.



You know, sometimes I just dig the goth chicks.

"Goth girl
What are you wearing today
Black again
Goth girl
It's such a fine day in May
But you think it's raining"
-"Goth Girl," John Wesley Harding

Hump Day News Round-Up

• Commie Super Apes Are Our Superiors: It has been uncovered that Josef Stalin wanted to breed half man/half ape soldiers.
  
• Researchers have determined that Beethoven died of lead poisoning. There goes my "bungee jump gone horribly amiss" theory.
  
• Scientists use emotion recognition software to determine that the famed Mona Lisa was 83% happy, 9% disgusted, 6% fearful, and 2% angry in her portrait. I 100% don't really care.

Holidays Are Happy

Going way back to the archives for this Micah World Classic repost, but it's still pretty damn funny and apropos for the season...



I will be very much Merry Christmas, thanks.

"Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party was so lame."

I blogged about the Christmas party episode of "The Office" a week or so ago and for those that missed out on seeing it, it will be rerun tonight at 9:30 EST. Watch it.

Things are going to start happening to me now

I'm famous. You see, I sent a little e-mail to Tim at "Distorted View" saying how much I enjoyed his podcast (and I also attached a couple of Christmas songs - "I Farted on Santa's Lap" and "Christmastime For My Penis") and he read it on today's show. My plan for worldwide media domination, which began last year with this blog, is right on schedule.

If you listen to today's podcast, beware. It's "Sextastic Tuesday" (in which a ridiculous and/or gross pornographic short story is featured) and the story Tim read today is particularly disgusting. My mom would be proud.

Which one is more disturbing?

Christmas 2002

A) My brother's Cosby sweater
B) The fact that he's scruffing his cat with his mouth

"The Chronic- What?! -cles of Narnia"

I think everyone with a pulse can agree that "Saturday Night Live" is merely a shell of its former self. It used to be Must See TV (or Must Tape And Watch After Church TV when I was a wee lad), but now it's just plain bad. Occasionally it will produce a chuckle or two, but mostly it's just painful to watch. I'm at the point now where I will only tune in if I like the host or musical guest. I like Jack Black, so I watched last night's episode.

Bah! Another stinker except for one piece: "Lazy Sunday," where Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg do some white boy rappin' about Narnia, Mapquest, and cupcakes. Crazy delicious!

Peep a stream of the video here. (If anyone can direct me to where I can download it, I'd greatly appreciate it.)

Where is my mind?

No, I didn't blow away my alter ego while the world around me tumbled like at the end of Fight Club (belated spoiler alert!). I'm still here - just preoccupied:

Going to a couple of winter solstice parties.

Stocking up on munitions.

Getting Christmas cards out.

Resuming the insatiable need to put more and more music on My Precious (read: my iPod).

Plowing through the backlog of programming saved on my DVR so it won't be stuffed to the rafters when I return from holiday.

Also, I haven't had anything really of note to report or comment on. Maybe I'll find something to post about while I upload pictures to Imagestation and watch The Lord of the Rings on TV*.

*Okay, add this trilogy to the Ocean's Eleven List (movies I'll watch whenever broadcast even though I own much superior editions on DVD). Sub-par picture and audio quality? Edited for time, content, and advertising? Improper aspect ratio? Yep, but I'm too lazy to actually get up and put the damn movie in.

What am I drinking tonight?

I'll be imbibing while I do Christmas cards tonight (which could potentially be dangerous - "Merry Christmas, slut. Love, Micah"). What will I be drinking?

a. Maker's Mark and Diet Coke
b. vanilla vodka and tonic
c. The Dalmore 12 year single malt
d. Jameson Irish Whiskey
e. Raspberry Ice Crystal Light

The answer at 11.

EDIT: If you answered "b" and "c" - you're right!

Excellent...

Forbes Magazine has released the Fictional 15, its list of the world's wealthiest fictional characters. They are:

1. Santa Claus
2. Oliver "Daddy" Warbucks
3. Richie Rich
4. Lex Luthor
5. C. Montgomery Burns
6. Scrooge McDuck
7. Jed Clampett
8. Bruce Wayne
9. Thurston Howell III
10. Willy Wonka
11. Arthur Bach
12. Ebenezer Scrooge
13. Lara Croft
14. Cruella De Vil
15. Lucius Malfoy

Where exactly does Mom from "Futurama" rate on this list? Or Duke Phillips of "The Critic"? Need I inquire about Mr. Potter? Dr. Evil? Richard Branson?

And to illustrate how out of touch I am, I had no clue who #15 was until I clicked on his profile.

Crush of the Week: Sarah Silverman

This week's Crush is comedian Sarah Silverman. She's very cute and has a dirty, dirty mouth. Offensive, yet hilarious.



I really want to see her new stand-up movie Jesus Is Magic.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• Gerald Ford is still alive.
  
• Some movie about a monkey that goes apeshit opens today. Yeah, I'd never heard of it, either.
  
• Former Attorney General Benjamin Civiletti has become the first lawyer to charge $1,000 per hour. Maybe I should give the bar exam another go.
  
• Whoever loses, I win: It's the greenies vs. animal rights nuts regarding the construction of a wind farm in the UK.
  
• An anonymous person put four gold coins worth $4,000 in a Salvation Army collection kettle in Denver, CO. Also, a woman donated a diamond ring. That just warms the cockles, doesn't it?

The true meaning of X-Mas

You learn something new every day. For instance, the "X" in "X-mas" is short for "Xpiotoc" (kind of - I don't know how to type the Greek letters, so I used approximations). You see...

"Christ is the English representation of the Greek word Xpiotoc (transliterated as Khristos), which means anointed. The Christian religion takes its name from Christ, as a title given to Jesus of Nazareth, always capitalized as a singularly descriptive title meaning literally The Anointed One. In English translations of the New Testament, the Greek Inoouc Xpiotoc, and related phrases, are almost invariably translated Jesus Christ or Christ Jesus, leading to the common, though inaccurate, perception that 'Christ' was the last name of Jesus of Nazareth. The part of Christian theology focusing on the identity, life, teachings and works of Jesus, is known as Christology." (taken from the good ol' semi-reliable Wikipedia)

And, in the spirit of the season, here's another "I did not know that" factoid: "In 1966, during his annual two weeks of active duty, [Jimmy] Stewart requested a combat assignment and participated in a bombing strike over Vietnam."

George Bailey bombed Charlie! Oh, schnap!

Come on in and pull yourself up a chair

I found Chairry!



I saw the above while perusing the Sharper Image catalog. And you can plug your iPod into it!* So, if anyone reading this has deep pockets and wants to buy some random blogger a Christmas present...

In other technological news, you can buy a Bluetooth-enabled hug shirt, which can provide "the physical sensation of a hug over distance." Hmmm. Now, if they sold "hug pants," I'd buy two pairs.

*I swear, that device has brought accessorizing to a whole new level. And since I'm a sucker for add-ons and gadgets, I couldn't be happier.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Pimp!"

I know we still have a couple of weeks, but I think I can pretty much call it. The award for Best New Christmas TV Programming goes to last week's episode of "The Office." It was just so brilliantly written and acted...hilarious. I've watched it maybe four times so far and I'm considering buying it off of iTunes. Yeah, I guess I'm a bit obsessive with my comedy (among other things). Some choice quotes:

Michael Scott: Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say 'Hey man, I love you this many dollars worth.'

Toby: I got Angela. She's into these posters of babies dressed as adults. I got her one of those. I felt...kinda weird buying that.

Phyllis: Does everyone know my boyfriend, Bob Vance?
Kevin: Kevin Malone.
Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Stanley: Stanley Hudson.
Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: Ryan Howard.
Bob: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?

Michael Scott: Well, happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party was so lame.

Ryan: Angela drafted me into the party planning committee. Her memo said that we need to prepare for every possible disaster. Which to me, seems...excessive.

Pam Beesley: You do realize we can't have liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah, I know... damnit. Stupid corporate...wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.

Dwight Shrute: 'A real man makes his own luck,' Billy Zane, Titanic.

Michael Scott: So Phyllis is basically saying, "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you an oven mitt's-worth." I gave Ryan an iPod!

Michael Scott: I got it! We are going to turn Secret Santa into Yankee Swap.
Jim: What is Yankee Swap?
Michael Scott: One person chooses a gift. The next person can either choose a gift or steal that person's gift. If your gift gets stolen, then you can steal someone else's gift or choose a new gift.
Jim Halpert: I thought that was called Nasty Christmas.
Pam Beesley: Yeah, we call it White Elephant.
Michael Scott: Well, I call it Fun!

Angela: Michael should have asked the party planning committee first. He's not supposed to just spring things on us out of nowhere. [begins to sob]

Dwight Shrute: Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets...Christmas.

Michael Scott: You're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
Salesperson: 15 bottles of vodka? Yeah. That should do it.

Meridith: The deal is, this is kind of my last hurrah, because I made a New Year's Resolution that I'm not going to drink anymore...during the week.

Michael Scott: Christmas is awesome. First of all, you get to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no one can say anything. Third, you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So, four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.

If you missed this episode, it'll be rerun on Dec. 20 @ 9:30 pm. Catch it.

I think it's a smart idea on NBC's part moving this and "My Name Is Earl" to Thursdays. If only they'd also air "Scrubs" on that night, then they could definitely regain their Must See TV throne (at least to me).

And call me weird, but I think Angela may be in the running to be a future Crush of the Week.

Making spirits bright

You dance like you're drunk but you sing like you're sober
You pulled the last pint when the party was over
When you're alone and you lie in your bed.
The rain on the roof is the dance of the dead.
-The Prodigals, "The Morning After"

I've rediscovered my love of Bloody Marys* as a mid-morning eye-opener and early-afternoon eye-closer.

*"It's a Bloody, buddy."

Finally a show to fill the "Friends" void

Al Sharpton will soon be filming "Al in the Family" - a sitcom pilot for CBS. Funny how our "Sharpton-in-Disney-films" jokes in college ten years ago weren't all that far off. I wonder if the copy of his out of print biography that I bought way back when will be worth anything. One day I'll get around to reading it.

As for his sitcom - eh. I'll stick with "Mmmm-hmmm" (Fridays on UPN!).

Like giant fluffy pillows filled with cocaine

Snow! Cowtown got a couple inches of the white stuff overnight. Thanks, God, for providing the perfect backdrop for my Christmas cocktail party tomorrow. I owe you one.

Cuckoo for podcasts

Lately I've been passing the time at work by listening to various podcasts. This was spurred on by my obtaining an iPod (yes, I know you don't need one to listen to podcasts, but it makes it a hell of a lot easier to get the damn things). I've found some great ones. And I've found some downright terrible ones. Currently in my rotation:

• "Cinecast": Two film enthusiasts (read: geeks) from Chicago provide their analysis of movies past and present. Pretty interesting stuff. I also get their "Cinecast AV" video podcast, in which they give their Overlooked DVD Picks of the Week.
  
• "Distorted View Daily": Local boy (Columbus, OH) does good. This show can be pretty obnoxious and gross, but damn funny.
  
• "Tiki Bar TV": This video podcast humorously gives you a mixed drink recipe in each episode. Featuring this week's Crush (and THSE's Crush of the Year) Lala.
  
• "Vegas in 5" and "The Vegas Minute" (video): Put out by the fine folks at Vegas.com, these podcasts let me know what's the haps in Sin City. Brandi Williams makes me glad that I got a video iPod.
  
• "FOXCAST: Family Guy": The people behind the show provide a commentary for the week's episode.
  
• "Ebert & Roeper": Because I can never remember when this show is on TV.
  
• "Meet the Press": In theory, I can sleep in a little longer on Sundays now. But I probably won't.
  
• "WhiskyCast": All about scotch and bourbon. Thanks to this show I found out that I've been mispronouncing "Glenmorangie" and "Glenfiddich" when I've been ordering them. Now I feel like an idiot.
  
• "Martini Shot": A veteran TV writer gives funny essays on Hollywood life.
  
• "Free Talk Live": I just found this libertarian call-in talk show last night. They say that they talk about everything from politics to personal stuff, but in the show that I listened to they pretty much only talked about the War on Drugs.

Now I turn to you, dear readers, for suggestions for interesting podcasts. What I'd really like to find is one that caters to the tin foil hat crowd (conspiracy theorists and paranormal buffs). Art Bell's radio show is on way too late for me to listen to regularly and he charges for his podcasts, so I'd like to find a free alternative. But I'm open to anything you find.

Micah goes legit

Yesterday was a red letter day in that I purchased my first digital download. iTunes is offering an exclusive Christmas EP from blondfire that I've taken a shine to. So I bought it. Now, the cynic in you would say that the only reason why I shelled out legal tender for it was because I couldn't find it elsewhere for free. And the cynic would be right.

Now if I could only find that new Diana Krall Christmas disc on Soulseek...

Crush of the Week: Lala

This week's Crush is Lala from the Tiki Bar TV video podcast. Hailing from the Great White North, she can mix a mean drink. Hot chick, alcohol, and lounge culture. That's what I'm talking aboot.




Now, admittedly, this selection is a bit of a cop out, as she is also THSE's Crush of the Year (I even nabbed the pictures from him - thanks!). But she's a cutie and deserving of being a Crush. Also, I'm kind of busy at the moment, what with compiling my Christmas CD and baking cookies.

Hump Day News Round-Up

• A new study finds that caffeine helps to stimulate short term memory. Wow - in addition to cleaning out my plumbing, coffee will also help me play Simon.
  
• Jewish comedian Jackie Mason essentially says to those offended by Christmas: get over it. Thanks, Mr. Hartounian!
  
• A Chicago cafe caused some controversy when the owner put up a sign saying, "Children of all ages have to behave and use their indoor voices." As a former busboy, I applaud the move.
  
• The cardboard box has been added to the Toy Hall of Fame. Incidentally, my Christmas buying list has gotten a heck of a lot cheaper.

"Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous."

This is the 40th anniversary of "A Charlie Brown Christmas". I'll be watching it tonight, even though I own the DVD. There's something about watching it live each year, although with the movie from CBS to ABC you lose the Peter Paul Mounds and Almond Joy commercials. But this is the Ultimate Christmas Special: jazz, Jesus, and an anti-commercialization message - not something that would get greenlit today.

In the meantime, here's an article and some Peanuts trivia (courtesy of the Columbus Dispatch):

Q: Do the dancing girls have names?
A: The twin sisters, from the comic strip in the 1960s, are dubbed Three and Four. They have an older brother, Five. Their last name: 95742 - also their ZIP code. Their father so named them to protest the reduction of human lives to statistics.

Q: What does Charlie Brown's dad do for a living?
A: He works as a barber, as did the father of cartoonist Charles Schulz.

Q: How many siblings does Snoopy have?
A: He has a sister, Belle, and four brothers - Spike, Marbles, Olaf and Andy (at the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm).

Q: How did the creators give the teachers wahwah voices in the TV specials?
A: They used a trombone with a plunger for a mute.

Q: Who boasts the naturally curly hair?
A: Frieda.

Q: Is the Little Red-Haired Girl ever called anything else?
A: Schulz didn't name or picture her in the comic strip, but the animators of the TV special It's Your First Kiss, Charlie Brown (1977) did - Heather.

Q: How old were the children heard in the Christmas special?
A: Charlie Brown was voiced by 8-year-old Peter Robbins; and Linus, by 7-year-old Christopher Shea. The others ranged from 6 to 9.

One for the dream journal

I only remember literally 2 or 3 of my dreams per year. Sometimes that's a good thing (no nightmares), sometimes it's bad (do I even have dreams that are a bit caliente?). And when I do remember them, they are usually made up of mundane stuff - I go to school. That's it. Lame. But two nights ago I had a vivid one that was kind of interesting. The kind that you think is real when you wake up.

So, I go to the movies, expecting to buy a ticket for a film that isn't playing at the theater. I ask the manager about it and he says it is in limited release and hasn't made it there yet, but proceeds to give me a copy of the movie on VHS. It is called Beta Ray Bill, which is named after the minor Marvel Comics character, despite the fact that the movie wasn't a "comic book movie." BRB only has tenuous connection, in that there's one flashback scene of him eating the Hammer of Odin and then disappearing because of it. Weird. Anyway, it turns out that it is a humorous heist film and opens with a mix of slacker 20-something English and American actors disguised as Monty Python gumbies (and talking like them), stealing some rare books. They make it out of the heist only to have paint explode on them. Turns out, some of their friends were all dressed up in black and shot them with paintball guns. The credits roll and the only names I can remember are David Spade and Chris Rock (and neither appeared in my dream). Later on in the story the core group of robbers are pursued by aliens that look like humans (some of them hot chicks). They hang out in a bar. One of the girls (who's attractive) drinks a beer alone at the bar and sings a song to herself. The song is one that's currently a hit in the UK, very catchy. And I don't know what it is or even the melody - I don't even know if it's a real song. Then there's something about Red Bull and an acoustic guitar. There's even a sex scene involving two alien women and two of the guys, but it's played for laughs. Overall, the movie had an "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" meets Ocean's Eleven meets Dude, Where's My Car? as directed by Guy Ritchie vibe.

And then I woke up 3 minutes before my alarm was to go off.

I have no clue what this dream is supposed to mean or why I dreamt it. I can piece together a few clues: I had watched Ocean's Twelve that day. My personal history is steeped in comic book and Monty Python geekery. Beta Ray Bill...VHS. I had a shot that contained Red Bull over the weekend. I dunno.

"Dreams, they complicate my life" - R.E.M.

So, armchair Freuds, do your worst.

I'm taking the phone off of the hook tonight from 10 to 11

And this is why.

Yet another reason why I'll be sending my kids to private school

Allis Elementary School in Madison gave an assignment to its 3rd graders: write 12 letters to other students, Wisconsin's U.S. senators and representatives, President Bush, and the secretary-general of the United Nations encouraging them to end the war in Iraq.

Regardless of your stance on the war, you've got to realize that this is really upsetting. Anti-war, pro-war, whatever - a teacher's role is not to indoctrinate. Politics should be left out of the classroom, especially in regards to teaching young children. Luckily, the assignment was rescinded.

I knew it!

In other news, the Buckeyes are Fiesta Bowl bound. OSU vs. Notre Dame? That's going to be huge. The only thing bigger would be OSU against Texas...and we all know how that turned out.

As a Hokie fan, I feel terrible for Virginia Tech having to watch unranked Florida State get their BCS bid. But they brought it on themselves. What the hell happened in that game last night? Seriously, that's not rhetorical. I was at a bar and, while I could see it on the screen, I was distracted by copious amounts of alcohol and women shaking their thangs to "My Humps."

This is your brain on Jager

I ended my self-imposed social exile last night when KtG and D-Lovely rolled into town.


Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger...

I also discovered my foosball prowess. Much love to my teammates KtG and Fraley. We are the champions.

Now that's my kind of race

Today is the New Las Vegas Marathon:

Muhammad Ali is scheduled to join local dignitaries at the starting line on the Las Vegas Strip. And organizers promise at least 40 running Elvises, up to 26 couples married at a runthrough wedding chapel, dozens of showgirls, Santa Claus and 16 venues with live entertainment to help keep runners' legs moving for 26.2 fast, flat miles back to the casinos.

That's one way to lively up this sport. Interesting that they are closing the Strip, but Sunday morning's not really a peak traffic time there since everyone's in church.

Is formal the new casual?

I went to Target last night to pick up a red bow (for the grill of my car) and some Christmas tree ornaments. Nothing really screamed "Micah" - you know: martini shakers, penguins, nekkid ladies - but I did pick up a blue, metallic reindeer and a stained glass margarita, despite the fact that I'm not a fan of that particular libation. Hallmark had some cool Darth Vader and Scarlett & Rhett ornaments, but I'm not in a position to spend $18.95 on a single tree decoration. But I digress.

Looking at some normally reasonably-priced clothing at Target, I saw that they now offer cashmere scarves, French cuff shirts and cuff links. Yes, at Target. Interesting. The store I love has become even better. Will I soon be picking up a new CD, a case of bottled water, and a Coach briefcase on my next shopping trip there?

Fire Cooper

Courtesy of these fine folks.

"Mush into mush" update: an anti-Cooper website has been made, as well as an online petition. I implore all current University of Richmond students, alumni, and friends of the school to visit the former and sign the latter. Cooper's had his turn and he's been ineffective. It's now time for Richmond to get back on the right track.

A shared philosophy

"Television is supposed to connect me with things that I don't see everyday, like hot chicks or extraterrestrials." - Avid MW reader/commenter THSE on turning on his TV and unexepectedly seeing "The Biggest Loser"